confused87 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Hi Everyone, I'm back after months and going through a breakup again, this time with a different woman. To start off, I've known this girl since highschool (I'm 27 and she's 23). We didn't take in highschool because of the age gap, I was graduating and she was just starting out in highschool, but we did kind of remain in contact throughout the years and we were dating other people during this time. This summer we hooked up, timing was right and we had an amazing summer together and went on a road trip together. We've been spending a lot of time together, she would stay over about 4 nights a week and would leave in the morning when I go to work. It all started last month when out of nowhere she started being really moody and needy. She told me she was going through some family issues and that she didn't want to talk about it. I was there for her to talk to whenever she wanted but she kept alot inside, when she did talk about it she would get really upset. I told her that if she wanted to talk about it, we could and if she didn't we'd leave it alone.. So it was her birthday last weekend, and being the non-romantic kind of guy I am, I didn't really plan anything fancy. She had work on the weekend and then we spent time with the family as she usually spends her birthdays at home. I got her a nice present which she really loved and appreciated at the time. She seemed very upset that I didn't plan anything and basically implied that I had to make it up to her the following week by taking her somewhere and it was up to me to plan everything. I understand that i should have planned something, but at the same time when someone puts that sort of pressure on me, I feel a bit whipped and i don't appreciate it. Just to back track a little bit, prior to her birthday, we had some disagreements on life in general. She's told me straight up that she expects alot from a boyfriend, and its the duty of the boyfriend to take the girl out all the time and pay for everything. She's also stated that in the relationship, the male is the breadwinner. This is something that I view differently and was brought up with a different vision. I see a relationship as a 2 way street, that we both put the same amount of effort. Ever since I came back from my work trip, things were sort of awkward at times, its like she revealed this dark side of her that she was hiding during our first 2 months of dating. She's also revealed this nasty attitude she has towards people, it seems as if she hates everyone. She made some really nasty racial remarks about people that I find appalling I've tried speaking to her about this and she's very adamant on her views (I'm not trying to change her, but more just trying to understand why she feels the way about people she does) All this build up led to me breaking up with her yesterday night. I don't know what to think, I feel we could have had something so great, but I can't stand the person that she has revealed. Am I being selfish for bringing this up to her and breaking up?
pteromom Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 You did the right thing breaking it off. You have very fundamental differences in what you think a relationship should be. Sounds like you want to be equal partners, where she wants to be cared for and led. Also, her attitudes about race and her negativity are concerning. This kind of stuff builds up and leads to lost attraction. I don't think you are being selfish - I think you are being smart. That said, now that you've broken up, just do a check on yourself to make sure you are being reasonable about your expectations in a relationship. If you think you are, then move on and find the next one!
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