abouttoloseit Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Before I start I know how this might come off as controlling, and that's fine. But I like to understand it as my own expectations from a committed relationship. My gf likes to travel, she went traveling for months, and lived in Australia for 6 months before me met. She isn't a big texter or email kinda person, which is cool, although I do like the occasional text flirt, of course she's never up for that. She went away to China last Monday (9 Days ago) but thats not the problem, it's what she said before she left that really pi**ed me off. "I hope you don't expect me to phone you while I'm away, there probably won't be any signal/difficult to contact you and I'll be too busy". ...left me stumped when she said it. She has text me twice when she arrived to say she was ok. But nothing since. Still no phone call. Now am I wrong to think that my gf of 10 months should at least call? I hate comparing but my other ex's would email, call and text almost everyday. Not because I told them to, but because they wanted to. THis is just new to me. Anyone else have this happe to them?
dasein Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Have not had that situation, but it would be very annoying if not a dealbreaker. People in relationships should not have any problem at all with keeping in regular, not necessarily daily, but regular, contact with their SO. No real argument possible. ESPECIALLY when they are travelling overseas. I'd be suspicious that someone who refused to keep in regular contact while travelling was behaving as if they were footloose and fancy free abroad while expecting their SO to remain loyal at home. Up to you if that's acceptable, wouldn't be for me. 2
serial muse Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I'd be annoyed about the punting on regular contact - internet cafes are everywhere. Calling, though? From China? That seems unnecessary, unless she's going to be gone for a long time (more than a couple of weeks). Regular email contact seems reasonable, though, and the fact that she didn't suggest that as an alternative would put me off. 1
InJest Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Stop treating her like a serious girlfriend. Distance yourself, but keep her around until you find a new girl, then drop her.
serial muse Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) I'm kind of surprised that you guys think that phone calls from someone vacationing in China are a reasonable thing to expect. I can't tell from the OP whether she totally brushed off the idea of staying in touch in any way, shape, or form (in which case, I would be pissed too), or whether she was specifically saying she didn't want to use a telephone to make a call. You know, from CHINA. Do people really do that?? I mean, I love my husband but he's getting emails if I'm overseas with a 12-hour time difference, and I know for a fact he's A-OK with that plan. (And this also holds true for a 7- or 8-hour time difference, as I see the OP is in the UK.) OP, assuming it's about phone calls, what's wrong with simply staying in touch via email when someone's traveling? I am mystified. Edited November 1, 2012 by serial muse
CC12 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 "I hope you don't expect me to phone you while I'm away, there probably won't be any signal/difficult to contact you and I'll be too busy". ...left me stumped when she said it. Did you say anything when she told you that? If you were too stumped to tell her you'd like to have at least some communication, then she probably thought you were fine with it. It's not too late to tell her you'd prefer more contact. Would you be fine if she contacted you every couple of days through phone, email, or text? Tell her.
mesmerized Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I'm kind of surprised that you guys think that phone calls from someone vacationing in China are a reasonable thing to expect. I can't tell from the OP whether she totally brushed off the idea of staying in touch in any way, shape, or form (in which case, I would be pissed too), or whether she was specifically saying she didn't want to use a telephone to make a call. You know, from CHINA. Do people really do that?? I mean, I love my husband but he's getting emails if I'm overseas with a 12-hour time difference, and I know for a fact he's A-OK with that plan. (And this also holds true for a 7- or 8-hour time difference, as I see the OP is in the UK.) OP, assuming it's about phone calls, what's wrong with simply staying in touch via email when someone's traveling? I am mystified. A lot of people on this forum rarely ever travel yet claim to have such worldly views. I totally agree with you about expecting a call being too much. But she could probably email more.
Author abouttoloseit Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 I'm kind of surprised that you guys think that phone calls from someone vacationing in China are a reasonable thing to expect. I can't tell from the OP whether she totally brushed off the idea of staying in touch in any way, shape, or form (in which case, I would be pissed too), or whether she was specifically saying she didn't want to use a telephone to make a call. You know, from CHINA. Do people really do that?? I mean, I love my husband but he's getting emails if I'm overseas with a 12-hour time difference, and I know for a fact he's A-OK with that plan. (And this also holds true for a 7- or 8-hour time difference, as I see the OP is in the UK.) OP, assuming it's about phone calls, what's wrong with simply staying in touch via email when someone's traveling? I am mystified. She hasn't emailed either. Nor has she sent any text except the ones from when she arrived.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I'm Chinese. I have a big extended family in China. It's not that hard for my family to call me plus the surcharge for international calls. The only things China firewalls are google, youtube, Skype and any sites that the country's government finds dissenting. I have an aunt here in New York who communicates with her daughter through email in BeiJing. This is not a matter of limited communication means. This is a matter that your girlfriend does not respect you as a boyfriend and is refusing to remain in contact. It also tells you she might have something to hide. 2
Leigh 87 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Hi there, There are two possbible theories I have in mind: - she either does not want much contact with guys she truly loves when she is physically seperated from them, aka, going overseas for months at a time - or she she is not that into you and therefore has no need to be in contact with you. Personally, my partner and I need to talk or at least facebook when we travel; we simply want to do it badly enough to do it.
Under The Radar Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Before I start I know how this might come off as controlling, and that's fine. But I like to understand it as my own expectations from a committed relationship. My gf likes to travel, she went traveling for months, and lived in Australia for 6 months before me met. She isn't a big texter or email kinda person, which is cool, although I do like the occasional text flirt, of course she's never up for that. She went away to China last Monday (9 Days ago) but thats not the problem, it's what she said before she left that really pi**ed me off. "I hope you don't expect me to phone you while I'm away, there probably won't be any signal/difficult to contact you and I'll be too busy". ...left me stumped when she said it. She has text me twice when she arrived to say she was ok. But nothing since. Still no phone call. Now am I wrong to think that my gf of 10 months should at least call? I hate comparing but my other ex's would email, call and text almost everyday. Not because I told them to, but because they wanted to. THis is just new to me. Anyone else have this happe to them? Yes, I've had this happen to me in a LTR and it would be a dealbreaker in the future.
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