Author sweetkiwi Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 While you were away, did you call him and keep in contact with him? I only mention this myself as my current gf has gone away and we're having problems regarding communication. If all was perfect before you went away then something has obviously happened since you've been gone. If you have not kept in touch, or made him feel not very important this could be why. Or he may have done something, feels guilty about it and is showing the obvious signs ( Either way, try talk about it or be strong and tell him to hit the road. Guys get scared when girls show their "cajones!" Good luck. we talked a lot when i was gone. He was gone too. Just in a different part of sicily with his friends. And he's really not the cheating type, though that sounds stupid. He truely doesn't understand why people do that when they have someone they love. He's not a normal italian guy. I dated a typical italian when i first arrived and he was passionate, jealous, obsessive, controlling, and fell in "love" with me super fast. I had strong feelings for him as well but once those nasty qualities reared their ugly head i literally jumped out of his car and his life. My man now is not jealous at all. He's calm, rational, supportive, understanding. But takes offense easily when i say i want more. I've been so so sweet to him. Cleaning his house while he's at work, having lunch ready for him, giving him massages when he needs them, anything. So of course i don't see my need of being kissed as that huge!
Author sweetkiwi Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 he's 29. I'm 25. He had a six year relationship and a one year relationship with a younger girl who constantly broke up with him. That was the more recent one. He's told me that his drop in intimacy and communication has been a problem in his past and he tried to stay just for their benefit. I told him i didn't want that. I need to be desired, not just kept around. And my problem is i pull up stakes fast when my needs aren't being met. I don't want to give up that easy on this relationship. I know when things have potential by now. He's affectionate. He's loving. I just feel like its too soon to lose the passion. I will have the talk. Again. And this time i will be prepared to let him go. 1
dasein Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 If you are going out of your way to be sexy, wearing the heels and skirts, being very affectionate, but not getting your desires met, and he isn't listening or responding, start to consider other options. Most quality guys would kill or die for a girl who put that kind of effort in, do everything in their power to shower her with attention of every type, and he's not even maintaining his side of things. I don't think you are being bitchy at all, but reasonable, and at your age you shouldn't have to waste a bunch of time with a guy who likely isn't going to improve in meeting your desires. I don't see the unrealistic need for constant butterflies in your posts that some with similar issues exhibit, just basic reasonable expectations for a certain level of passion that IMO should still be very present seven months in and really for the duration. Good luck. 1
Author sweetkiwi Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 yeah i get a lot of male attention. Even here where i'm basically the opposite of the ideal of beauty. He notices that i get a lot of attention. I only want his attention. I'm a great girlfriend. I give everything i am. I don't know how not to. But i'm not bitter because things don't work out or i'm not getting exactly what i give or more. Everyone loves differently. Next time i'm looking for a guy that loves like me. Currently giving it the last go. Then i need a break from this dating nonsense. Then later i will be considering getting a sweet, funny, aware, open man. Preferably one who is in love with life, learning, and me.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 It doesn't matter if he's shy or not, all men handle the disconnection process in the same manner internally, they just act out in different ways depending on the type of guy they are. Secondly, I'm not sure why you are questioning yourself and trying to look prettier like that's going to somehow reignite everything, that's completely a woman's perspective and insecurity and makes no sense. When men detach and disconnect they are doing it emotionally, everything on the physical level is just going through the motions. Something changed within him for some reason, whether he's disappointed, feeling neglected himself or has just lost that emotional connection and interest with you...something has changed and because he is shy that's not going to work in your favor, I always see women say "well I don't mind if he's shy" then be prepared for him to pussy foot around even more and have a harder time finding the courage to tell you the truth and express himself, the more outspoken guys have a hard enough time accomplishing this, I expect it to be very difficult for a shy guy to accomplish because he's scared. Lastly you seem like you'll be in very typical "romances" with men, you seem to require a lot of attention and validation, that's why you try and be this ultimate GF so that you can keep bringing up as much focus on you as possible from your significant other. When you get tired of that you move onto another man who is infatuated with your for your body and looks. You give everything you are because you require so much in return, this is a perpetuating cycle that I'm sure you'll continue with many more men until you realize that you're dating the same men, they just have different characteristics, but you're sharing "love" in the same manner. Personally I don't conceive much depth to your relationships, I feel they are very superficial and simplistic, mainly based off outward expression...but you lack the emotional bonding and communication of a loving relationship, which may be instituted by you since you detach quickly and get with somebody else. I definitely see you as the rebounding type from this post.
dasein Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Don't know where you got all that from this thread, maybe I missed some other threads by OP, but don't see attention craving in evidence in this thread, just reasonable expectations of passion from her SO. 1
Author sweetkiwi Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 interesting guess. But no. I'm not in a shallow relationship. And no. I don't give everything i am because i'm insecure. I'm not insecure. Or a rebounder. Though i could be. In this particular case i've been trying for two months to figure out why he's stopped kissing me with passion. If i was insecure or shallow i would've just left him. Even though he's a great guy. Aren't some of the men on here constantly complaining that their lady didn't give them a chance? Thats not me. When i am suddenly deprived of simple affection i ask whats wrong. I notice when its gone or doesn't have the same feeling behind it. I don't need butterflies every time. I simply want him to enjoy it. Thats reasonable. 1
dasein Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Just thought of something, have you started chewing tobacco lately? That can be a turnoff for some guys in the kissing department. 1
Author sweetkiwi Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 hahaha! That must be it! Gotta lay off the chew. If it was only that simple, ****. We both rarely smoke. Its not my breath....... Maybe i've been scaring him with my sexual advances.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 interesting guess. But no. I'm not in a shallow relationship. And no. I don't give everything i am because i'm insecure. I'm not insecure. Or a rebounder. Though i could be. In this particular case i've been trying for two months to figure out why he's stopped kissing me with passion. If i was insecure or shallow i would've just left him. Even though he's a great guy. Aren't some of the men on here constantly complaining that their lady didn't give them a chance? Thats not me. When i am suddenly deprived of simple affection i ask whats wrong. I notice when its gone or doesn't have the same feeling behind it. I don't need butterflies every time. I simply want him to enjoy it. Thats reasonable. If you're not in a shallow relationship then why has something like this been so difficult to figure out for two months? wouldn't you be able to communicate and discuss this in one or two conversations? If you're insecure then why do you act like it in your relationships? dressing up, trying to feel pretty to fix your relationship issues, like really that's going to work? If you're not a rebounder then why are you already focused on the next guy that is going to make you happy? Oh I'll just find this type of guy next time...I mean c'mon, how immature is that? What do you think you are exactly? let me guess, a deeply loving, affectionate and invested person who has deep significant relationships with men who is willing to fight for it under reasonable conditions, that you claim you could in theory easily walk away from? "If i was insecure or shallow i would've just left him." You've got to be freaking kidding me, that's the last thing insecure women do. "Aren't some of the men on here constantly complaining that their lady didn't give them a chance?" Excuse me, baking powder?...oh you mean those "nice guys" that are trying to pull in affections of someone they are obsessively into much like the majority of women when after they have sex and become attached? oh those guys, well guess what...that's not one of these situations...it's actually the majority of situations where women fight with trickery trying to pull in a mans affections instead of communicating...like a real relationship. I don't mean to bash you over this, you're just being extremely delusional and in denial to me because everything that's seems to be clearly present you seem to believe that somehow it is different. You have your mind made up I think, I'm sure you're in a state where you're only going to agree with what you want to hear at this point, so good luck with that.
Author sweetkiwi Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 you sure think you know a lot about me. Maybe you're projecting some things onto me that other women have done to you. Good luck with that. 1
grkBoy Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 i've been with my man for 7 months now. In the begining it was awesome. Kissing laughing having fun talking. Things changed. Two months ago, after i returned from a month and a half adventure in sicily, he was pulling away. Or maybe just settling in. He rarely kisses me with tongue. He doesn't make much of an effort to talk about things. He also barely speaks english but we do fine between english and italian. I've been giving it the benefit of the doubt and i know he's very busy with work, soccer, family, friends. He makes a lot of time for me. He cares about me. But its veering toward us being friends with benefits instead of bf/gf. So i thought maybe it was me. Maybe he's just not attracted to me in a passionate way anymore. So i started wearing high heels and dresses or skirts all the time. Always having makeup and hair done. Taking care of his every need. Still nothing. This approach was coupled with several conversations about how i need more intimacy and affection. Not even more! Just like it was! Barely anything changed. So i would say it again. And of course since i'm a woman who feels, i would cry. I just feel like the girlfriend who is always bitching about needing more and i hate it. Its so completely frustrating to me. And he won't open up as to why he's changed his view of me. He used to be crazy about me. Now he kisses me with these limp lips that have no love behind them. So i guess what i'm asking is, is this something we can come back from or is he just a dead fish once all the newness has gone? He's a fool. I can understand being tired, overworked, stressed...but to just pass up when your SO is going all out to spark things up is just plain stupid. Loads of men in RLs would love their SO to put on the heels and lingerie more for some wild fun, and many more single men would kill for a woman to give them that. 2
kaylan Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 While you were away, did you call him and keep in contact with him? I only mention this myself as my current gf has gone away and we're having problems regarding communication. If all was perfect before you went away then something has obviously happened since you've been gone. If you have not kept in touch, or made him feel not very important this could be why. Or he may have done something, feels guilty about it and is showing the obvious signs ( Either way, try talk about it or be strong and tell him to hit the road. Guys get scared when girls show their "cajones!" Good luck. I agree with this. Obviously the trip caused the problem since things were fine before it. And for most people, long distances usually cause problems in a relationship. The person being left home usually never feels comfortable about the trip. Its either: a. He did something he feels about or suspects you of having done something. b. He didnt want you to go, and feels like his needs werent being met while you were gone for 6 weeks. Thus it caused him to pull away and feel differently. Id say B is most likely, but it can be a combination of A and B. Good luck OP. Talk to him about this and have an honest discussion. If things dont change, then move on because life is too short. 1
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