Possible brush-off - how to deal with it?

[WanderingHeart]

So I went on a first date last week with a girl I'd met on a night out. We'd already kissed, I left my number with her, she got in touch. For reasons I can't go into, I had to bail on our first arranged date, but she agreed to rearrange.

 

The plan was simple - go for a couple of drinks in a couple of spots, casual, just chat and get to know each other. The date started slowly, I was doing most of the work just asking questions and trying to get her talking. The first place I chose was a bit lacking in atmosphere that evening, and she seemed to open up more when we went to the second place. Towards the end of the date (and you might blame this on the drink...) I could feel her acting more interested, more physical contact, etc.

 

I walked her back to the station, and we kissed - a proper kiss, not just a quick peck. When I got back I dropped her a text to say I hoped she'd got back home okay, that I had a good evening, and that we should do it again sometime. She replied quickly to say she had fun, and "see you soon".

 

So far, so good, although as I said most of the first half of the date was a bit awkward - I was a bit under-dressed, and I also did something I never do, which was to split the bill in the second place (after buying drinks in the first place), but she was quite forceful about it.

 

Anyway, a couple of days later I asked if she wanted to go for brunch on Sunday. She replies "Not in town this weekend, sorry! x" which, without any kind of further suggestion seemed to me like a brush off.

 

I replied the usual polite, "No worries, let me know if you'd like to do something again one evening. Would be cool to see you. x" - not expecting to hear from her again.

 

She replies, "Cool, I'll let you know when I'm back. Maybe we can do something in the week x"

 

Now I haven't heard anything since, and I'm not inclined to chase. My instinct is that she isn't hugely interested at the moment, but hasn't completely written it off. But, I'm wondering if there is a certain point - perhaps in a week (it's been 5 days since we last spoke) when I should follow up with another text or phone call.

 

What do you think?

[Blondishdaisy]

Hey, I would not msg her again until she messages u, u have let her know that ur interested an now the ball is in her court, there's nothing worse than a persistent male if ur not keen on them and if she's keen she will contact u and if not its her loss

[WanderingHeart]

Hey, I would not msg her again until she messages u, u have let her know that ur interested an now the ball is in her court, there's nothing worse than a persistent male if ur not keen on them and if she's keen she will contact u and if not its her loss

 

Thanks - do you think I did anything wrong so far? Like getting in touch too quickly to arrange a second date, showing my interest? It would be useful to know, even if this doesn't work out. I'm not the kind of guy who falls in love on a first date, so it's no big deal, but she was definitely someone I'd like to see again.

 

I think maybe the kiss threw me a bit. Some of my friends swear it's a guarantee of a second date, but I know that everyone's different.

 

The problem is that I've always been in relationships or dating girls I have only a casual interest in, and now I'm in my late 20s and this is the first time I've met a random girl on a night out who has seemed like she has a bit more about her.

[River Rain]

You said it's been five days since you last spoke, so that means she's been back from her "away weekend" for a few days now. Personally, I wouldn't make any more contact because you left it open for her to reply. You did say "let me know", that's not confusing, it's up to her now to let you know.

 

As for timing...seriously, don't worry about that. There's nothing wrong with showing interest soon after going on a date with someone. If the girl likes you, she'll appreciate the contact. If she's not interested, at least you've weeded her out quickly.

[WanderingHeart]

Unfortunately, it definitely sounds like it is a brush off. My suggestion is: just behave as though she's not interested and get more dates. I don't think that you splitting the bill was that big a deal. Sometimes it's just personality differences or even that she wasn't that physically attracted (it happens).

 

I was recent brushed off myself but am not going to worry too much about it. I live in Manhattan. There are more girls here than almost any place.

 

Try this site equalmatch(dot)net. I've gotten some good responses from it.

 

Good luck

 

Thanks, yeah sounds about right. Good advice. And yeah, I'm more than willing to accept that not every girl in the world is attracted to my looks and/or personality I'm in London, so I guess it's the same deal. On to the next one...