the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 So I finally got it through my head *with the help of you guys and my b/f* that it's normal for a guy to "look". But i've talked to my b/f about this other certain thing, and I can't seem to understand this part of it, so let's see if you guys can help me out on this like you've done w/ everything else .... He said in public, he looks at both men and women....but he sometimes goes on the internet to look for/at pretty girls w/ certain body types, yadda yadda yadda. He went to MSN and Yahoo personals to find pretty girls to look at. He didn't contact any of 'em, he just looked. He said if I went online and looked at handsome guys, he wouldn't mind I don't mind that he looks at porn b/c I know it's a tool. But when he goes online and finds other attractive women to look at, it kinda hurts b/c he tells ME all the time that i'm beautiful. Is it ok for him to do this? Or is it just harmless guy enterntainment?
Fayebelle Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 W/all the porn available to adults- he has no need to visit singles' sites. This would def pi$$ me off too!
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 ....even if he was goin to these personal sites to look at girls, and he didn't contact 'em?
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 he also mentioned that not all the ppl in these single sites are single.
EC Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 I agree porn is one thing. First of all with porn you know you will never see that person in the film in real life walking down the street. It's a fantasy. But personals are real girls in real life in your neighborhood. He could easily meet up with ana actual 'pretty girl' that he finds on line. You say he loves you but to love you he has to respect you and thats not showing a lot of respect. Tell him how you feel. Tell him its hurts you when he does these things. If he loves you he'll stop. If not I hope you know what to do...(Kick him the F*CK out) jk but talk to him.....
EC Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Thats even worse if some of the people on the site are not single. What are they doing on a single site posting personal ads???? Giving him ideas??????
sally1530 Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 my ex husband to be was on lavalife.com with a profile and picture up saying he was single so he could hook up with sex and get naked pictures from these gals... My advice.... is if hes looking at girls that he could contact then be worried... if hes on porn...then no worries...
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 oh i've talked to him bout it! heh he said he hasn't done it in a long time, just b/c he dont want to. I asked him if he thought it was ok to do that, he said no. HMMMMMMMM but to me, the damage has already been done. He said that he wished I could get to see just how many times he actually logged into those "singles" sites *meaning he's only done it a few times* I said that it doesn't matter, its the fact that you actually signed up. But he does look at porn, and he finds nothin wrong w/ that, so at least we agree on that matter.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 another thing is that he dont want to hook up w/ any girls....i know he could easily do it, and he knows that...but he dont want to...he just wants to look.
Fayebelle Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 If he just wants to look than he should have no prob agreeing to porn only.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 heh i think he has b/c we both agreed last night, that what he has done is wrong. But like i said, in my eyes, the damage has already been done. and Fayebelle, are you basically sayin that lookin at attractive women online is wrong? I kinda want to erase the whole "singles" website thing and focus on the LOOKING perspective of things. He's just LOOKING.
Fayebelle Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 No- I said I think porn is OK. It's the opportunity for contact that I would take issue with.
Artifact Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 I agree with Fayebelle... and hope he's only looking. If he sticks to porn, then maybe looking won't turn into lusting. Lusting is dangerous when "real" people are involved.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 yeah i never really took into consideration him possibly contacting someone. But he knows and I know that he wouldn't do that to me. So i'm not worried bout that. It's wondering why he wants to purposely find these attractive women to look at online. Anywhere. It don't just have to be at single sites. I mean his preferences in Yahoo personals was someone w/ a slim/athletic body, certain colored hair, etc. He tells me ALL the time that i'm beautiful and so completely different from other attractive women, but i dont get it. i dunno.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 so basically he's lusting when he looks at these attractive females online?
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 i just read his Yahoo personal profile again. Under the "about my match column", all he seems to care about is what color hair she has, how she's built, just the girls outside appearance. He doesn't care bout her personality, religion, living situation, occupation, etc. Does that mean anything?
Fayebelle Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 It sounds like you are searching for a wasy to make this OK- If you think it is -fine. If not- it's not. Period. Our opinions aren't necessary if your mind is made up.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 im not really lookin for ways to make it ok. I understand that a guy is gonna LOOK...i just wanna make sure thats ALL he's doin and that's all he wants out of these women...but at the same time, wonder WHY he needs to go out of his way to look for these attractive women.
Artifact Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 You two should work on your communication skills. I know you and your boyfriend are talking about these issues, but you aren't getting anywhere. You shouldn't have to do so much to justify his actions- especially to us.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 believe it or not, we have excellent communication skills. we've been together for 3 1/2 yrs. I know i shouldn't have to do so much to justify his actions, but this is all new to me. He was my first serious b/f and vice versa. So everything we go through together is all new to the both of us. I don't understand where he's coming from on certain issues *such as this one* and he dont understand where i'm coming from sometimes. Guys and girls minds work differently on certain things i guess.
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 the only response i'm gettin from guys outside of this site, is it's a guy thing
dudesomewhere Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 are you bored? if so look for a post of mine...ignore the butthead comments, there's lots of those I made a post about this issue from my viewpoint...I think it's under the friends forum...
EC Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 HAHAHA DUDE I just read your signature about the 7th sense haha sorry just had to let that out. Funny stuff. They don't know it do they?
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 dude, you have alot of posts...i've looked under the friends forum, but nothin you've posted in there has to do w/ this issue
Author the_opposite_sex Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 and dude, when did you make the post?
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