Tenacity Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 To my shock, I received an email from ex-MM today, after months of nothing. I had deleted all my avenues of communication, including changing my phone number and deleting the email account we always used. He sent this through the account of our business that I can't delete or filter (we still co-own a business together -I'm working on getting out of that legally). It has been months since I have communicated with him or heard from him. He said the following: I thought at least you would check in during an emergency. We made it through the hurricane fine. I thought you may want to know. I do not understand your stand on this. You know my position and I have explained it. It has Nothing to do with you or how I feel for you. I do not understand why you insist on being so angry. Why can't we be friends? Is it worth it to lose everything? Why all the anger? Please at least let me know that you are ok. ------------------------------ I am so hurt and angry all over again. First the 'we' reference ... that 'we' are okay. Referring to he and his wife. Do I care that he and his wife made it nice and cozily thru the storm? And the part about being angry??? I wasn't angry to him in our last communications. I just ended it. I was civil and even courteous. So he chooses to think that my lack of messages to him have been because I'm 'angry'... Like something I should just get over? The whole 'we' reference just hit me where it hurt all over again. Why can't he just be with his W and leave me freaking ALONE? Why does he think I want to know about his cozy marriage with his W, even if it's not what he "wants"? It's where he IS! I just want to cry again. . Ugggh...
veryhappy Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) I am so sorry. This could have been written by my( well, not mine) exMM. Don't respond, and let the time heal you again. These men seem clueless. In my case it would be something like "her and I will never have what we had" to make me feel special, and to me it only emphasises that they have something bigger than what we had, because he stayed. If exMM has kids, maybe the "we" was for family? not only his wife. Even so, it's the kind of cruel they don't seem to get. I bet many sleazy exMM sent similar messages because of the storm. Oh, the power of eternal love. Edited October 31, 2012 by cutedragon
canuckprincess Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 To my shock, I received an email from ex-MM today, after months of nothing. I had deleted all my avenues of communication, including changing my phone number and deleting the email account we always used. He sent this through the account of our business that I can't delete or filter (we still co-own a business together -I'm working on getting out of that legally). It has been months since I have communicated with him or heard from him. He said the following: I thought at least you would check in during an emergency. We made it through the hurricane fine. I thought you may want to know. I do not understand your stand on this. You know my position and I have explained it. It has Nothing to do with you or how I feel for you. I do not understand why you insist on being so angry. Why can't we be friends? Is it worth it to lose everything? Why all the anger? Please at least let me know that you are ok. ------------------------------ I am so hurt and angry all over again. First the 'we' reference ... that 'we' are okay. Referring to he and his wife. Do I care that he and his wife made it nice and cozily thru the storm? And the part about being angry??? I wasn't angry to him in our last communications. I just ended it. I was civil and even courteous. So he chooses to think that my lack of messages to him have been because I'm 'angry'... Like something I should just get over? The whole 'we' reference just hit me where it hurt all over again. Why can't he just be with his W and leave me freaking ALONE? Why does he think I want to know about his cozy marriage with his W, even if it's not what he "wants"? It's where he IS! I just want to cry again. . Ugggh... So sorry your going through this difficult time. Does his wife know about the affair and if she does forward her the email. If she doesn't know then email him and tell him if he contacts you again you will forward any and every email to his wife, that should put a stop to it.
Author Tenacity Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 I am so sorry. This could have been written by my( well, not mine) exMM. Don't respond, and let the time heal you again. These men seem clueless. In my case it would be something like "her and I will never have what we had" to make me feel special, and to me it only emphasises that they have something bigger than what we had, because he stayed. If exMM has kids, maybe the "we" was for family? not only his wife. Even so, it's the kind of cruel they don't seem to get. I bet many sleazy exMM sent similar messages because of the storm. Oh, the power of eternal love. Thanks CD. No, his kids are grown. The 'we' was her. He fed me all the same lines about how much more special I was than she, with lots of detail, including pages and pages of poetry that he wrote about our 'love'.... yeah, it was really special. He's with the W that even now he says makes him unhappy. I really just want peace. I won't contact him. I am just so mad that he expects me to put it all aside and be a 'friend'. That was originally his idea, and it benefitted no one but him.
veryhappy Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Read it again, and this guy is just so arrogant. Not only is he minimizing your pain by saying well you and your silly anger, but was expected you to contact him during the storm. The nerve. How dare you not lose sleep wondering how he is and send him a message to keep him warmer close to his wife? 1
Author Tenacity Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 So sorry your going through this difficult time. Does his wife know about the affair and if she does forward her the email. If she doesn't know then email him and tell him if he contacts you again you will forward any and every email to his wife, that should put a stop to it. Yes... the affair has been long over and it was many years long, and she knew about it. She knew he has wanted to maintain a friendship and communication with me. She didn't like it but he did it anyway.
SecretFlower Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 First off, glad you made it through the storm it was brutal wasn't it? Second, it is arrogant and hurtful that he said "we". There was no point. He could have said "he" and it would have had the same impact. He's fishing and trying to downplay the hurt. I'm sorry and that really was careless.
Mount Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Yes I feel the same impression, even he did not bother to say "I miss you....etc" fakely. Just ignore him....you can imagine his lost or disappointment when he does not get responding from you.:laugh: Read it again, and this guy is just so arrogant. Not only is he minimizing your pain by saying well you and your silly anger, but was expected you to contact him during the storm. The nerve. How dare you not lose sleep wondering how he is and send him a message to keep him warmer close to his wife?
TurningTables Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Ten... I hate to say this but, you knew this day would come, when he would come around sniffing at your heels to see if he could bait you into talking to him again. I have made the same mistakes. I caved a time or two, so I couldnt blame him for trying again once I have told him NO! We cant be friends. This last time I have stayed so strong. As I have said in another post ( the stalker one) that I remember those happy smiling pictures, I remember the mean words he said to me. You must stay strong. Dont respond. Make him know that this time is different. This time, its over. No friendship. You are NOT friends nor can you ever be with him. I think I am in the same position you are in with xMM and his W. My xMM does what the hell he wants to regardless of his W. She KNOWS he is still texting me, calling me...wanting to be friends. These MM think that they know us so well they can use it against us. Not this time. Keep your chin up...and stay silent. This will drive him nuts and finally maybe he will get the point. Best wishes.
kamani Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Well, I think I'm opposite to the opinion of many who say you should contact his wife or threaten him contacting his wife. You have gone no contact with him and I expect you were healing. Contacting his wife or himself for any reason would only pave the way to further communication and interaction with him. This is again risky and it would increase your pain as well. Just ignore him. Try your best to get rid of this business email account and business partnership as well. No friendship is possible, I think you understand it. Good Luck. 1
Author Tenacity Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 Thanks everyone. I just don't get it.... If they want to be with their wives then why don't they just BE with their wives and leave the rest alone? Why??? 1
Author Tenacity Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 Well, I think I'm opposite to the opinion of many who say you should contact his wife or threaten him contacting his wife. You have gone no contact with him and I expect you were healing. Contacting his wife or himself for any reason would only pave the way to further communication and interaction with him. This is again risky and it would increase your pain as well. Just ignore him. Try your best to get rid of this business email account and business partnership as well. No friendship is possible, I think you understand it. Good Luck. Thanks As I said before, his W knows everything. That's a non-issue.... already way past that.
frozensprouts Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 sounds to me like you bruised his ego, and if he can blame that on you ( you're "angry") and not on himself for being a jerk to two people 9 you and his wife) then his ego and good guy image remain intact. 1
Silly_Girl Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Yuck. Dirty little passive-aggressive attempt to prod you in to behaving how HE wants you to. I'm a vote for Ignore. What a dick 2
whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I actually would write him back and say 'i'm not angry, I just want to move on with my life. I really don't want to be friends, things have changed and I don't feel the same way." That's it. Don't even mention anything about what he said about the 'we' in his email to you. You don't owe him an explanation. He knows this too, though he is hoping you'll cave and be in his life again for selfish reasons.
veryhappy Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Thanks everyone. I just don't get it.... If they want to be with their wives then why don't they just BE with their wives and leave the rest alone? Why??? They want both. They had a magical time having both, and want to recreate that. The cost to everyone else does not matter enough to stop them. 1
Tara247 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Do NOT respond. There's nothing to talk about. There's nothing to say.
MourningLosses Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Do NOT respond. There's nothing to talk about. There's nothing to say. Respond but accidentally on purpose copy his wife. Then ignore. Passive aggressive can go both ways. In the response just say you have no interest in being friends as he is a lying cheat. The end. My 2cents
Summer Breeze Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 To my shock, I received an email from ex-MM today, after months of nothing. I had deleted all my avenues of communication, including changing my phone number and deleting the email account we always used. He sent this through the account of our business that I can't delete or filter (we still co-own a business together -I'm working on getting out of that legally). It has been months since I have communicated with him or heard from him. He said the following: I thought at least you would check in during an emergency. We made it through the hurricane fine. I thought you may want to know. I do not understand your stand on this. You know my position and I have explained it. It has Nothing to do with you or how I feel for you. I do not understand why you insist on being so angry. Why can't we be friends? Is it worth it to lose everything? Why all the anger? Please at least let me know that you are ok. ------------------------------ I am so hurt and angry all over again. First the 'we' reference ... that 'we' are okay. Referring to he and his wife. Do I care that he and his wife made it nice and cozily thru the storm? And the part about being angry??? I wasn't angry to him in our last communications. I just ended it. I was civil and even courteous. So he chooses to think that my lack of messages to him have been because I'm 'angry'... Like something I should just get over? The whole 'we' reference just hit me where it hurt all over again. Why can't he just be with his W and leave me freaking ALONE? Why does he think I want to know about his cozy marriage with his W, even if it's not what he "wants"? It's where he IS! I just want to cry again. . Ugggh... It has nothing to do with you? Really? Is this jerk for real? As for the 'we' thing. He proved his feelings for the both of you right there. He used his W as a knife to stab you in the heart with. He's a spoiled rotten, insensitive a$$. If it were me I'd probably send the email to her and not even mention it to him. If she knows then she should know the full scope. At this point you're not sending it out of bitterness but to let her know what he's doing. No pomp and circumstance. Simply send it to her and let the consequences of his actions commence. I'm so sorry he's doing this to you. It's so hard to be getting over something and then all of a sudden some random thing come in and tear your heart to shreds.
canuckprincess Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Thanks everyone. I just don't get it.... If they want to be with their wives then why don't they just BE with their wives and leave the rest alone? Why??? I don't think it's always about wanting to be with their wives, it could be about money or children or it's all they've ever known and a fear of the unknown. I don't understand how a wife could stay if she knew her husband was still seeing or talking to the ow. When my exh cheated on me years ago I just a end to their communication right away. But from what I've uncovered it was just a little fling she had a crush on him and he enjoyed the attention she gave him. I should point out my exh had a drinking problem and was drunk when it went on. We divorced a few years later because of the drinking and the fact that I never truly trusted him again. As to why he won't leave you alone I have no idea but if I had to guess it's because he's a selfish a$$ and only cares abou himself and his needs. Stay strong.
hurtnomorerika Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I would ignore him, and continue to go on as if he never contacted you.
Author Tenacity Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 Thanks everyone. Your replies really help. I received another email today. This time he called me by affectionate names and asked if we could please talk about my 'anger'. Said he missed his best friend. The whole thing is just so hard and painful. The worst is that there is nowhere to get away. I won't be replying to either message. I've made that mistake in the past and I won't make it again. 1
veryhappy Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Such a classic move. Oh, being a piece of drywall didn't work. Let's dangle a carrot and appeal to your weak spots. He doesn't deserve anything from you. The sooner you disentangle the business together, the better.
Silly_Girl Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Good for you!! I honestly don't think there's a scrap of good to come from entertaining his advances.
whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Thanks everyone. Your replies really help. I received another email today. This time he called me by affectionate names and asked if we could please talk about my 'anger'. Said he missed his best friend. The whole thing is just so hard and painful. The worst is that there is nowhere to get away. I won't be replying to either message. I've made that mistake in the past and I won't make it again. You're right, responding will just make him reply back another time.. though I really wish one line to him Or maybe two lines ... SHOVE it up your ass and leave me alone. Or just a plain ol' F-U. That would give his big ego a shake!
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