theLWord Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) So I didn't post my story yet, I'll summarize it to get to my question. I'm a lesbian, 25, I dated a girl for a year long distance, we were 3.5 hours away. I would see her sometimes every other weekend, sometimes once a month. Throughout our relationship I ignored red flags. She had a horrible past, I put up with emotional (and a couple instances of physical) abuse. I stayed with the insanity, I think the problem was the distance would make me forget about how crazy we were for each other. I didn't trust her due to things she did at the beginning of the relationship, but we still stayed together. The main problem throughout all this was she is a compulsive liar. She even admitted to me, "Sometimes I lie about small things and I don't know why." I guess I took that confession as maybe her wanting to change, but it never happened. My breaking point was last Thursday she went to a concert with a "friend" (as far as I know) and I text her multiple times with no response. She called me at like 4 am that night and I asked her why she didn't text me back. She said she never got my texts. I know this is a lie because she received other texts and even if she didn't get them at the time, (due to no service) you get backed texts when you get service. Also her birthday was Sunday and I tried making plans with her and she kept giving me the run around, so I gave up. The hard part is, we did have a strong connection, (in between the frequent fights) and I have been suffering from severe depression this past year which she supported me through. My therapist seems to think this relationship didn't help my depression. She also said that from stories I've told, my ex seems to have traits of BPD (but she couldn't properly diagnose her.) I broke up with her Thursday night because I was tired of being lied to. I text her Sunday wishing her a Happy Birthday and I knew she wouldn't respond nor did I want her to. I just felt guilty not saying something on her birthday. She called me this morning at 7am. I didn't answer but all day I've been wondering what she wanted. I'm assuming she woke up and started missing me and thought she could just call me, rehash memories, and repeat the same cycle we always go through. That's what she used to do when I tried to leave before. The voicemail she left was just silence. I also blocked her number today which my therapist suggested too. My question, how can I stay strong since she broke NC? I keep obsessing over what she wanted, but the logical me knows that it really doesn't matter because it's all unhealthy. This sets me back and feels similar to if I had broken NC, I guess. Thanks for reading! Edited October 31, 2012 by theLWord
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 You did good and no contact wasn't broken because you didn't talk to her. If it was really important she'll call again, but you did well. Instead of wondering what she wanted, pat yourself on the back for having the discipline not to get sucked into it.
21flames Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I have suffered severe depression on and off for 12 years and I know how you must have felt being with a person like that, it makes it worse, makes you suspicious, anxious and depressed and also makes you question your own mind. Definitely not a good situation to be in when you already suffer. Try and keep NC, it really helps and puts your mind to rest
Author theLWord Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 Thanks to you both, I needed to hear that.
21flames Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Concentrate on not having to try and deal with all the lies etc, it really felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, especially knowing someone else has it all to come. Not sure how you feel? Relief?
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