Butter15 Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 We have been together for 10 months tomorrow, but my relationship has been kinda bad for the few past weeks and it was because my mom said something about his parents but that all got cleared up because my mom appologized and stuff but now it's just i don't know he says that he still likes me a lot and cares about me and stuff but it's not me he just doesn't want a girlfriend right now and he says he has his whole life ahead of him to be tied down to someone, i'm 15 and he's 16(17 soon) and he says he wants more time for music and school, okay it's the summer and they are missing a bassist right now in their band and i really don't take up that much time. We have a really good relationship because we both get along really well, we hardly ever fight, we both love talking to eachother, we have fun together, we both trust eachother....i don't understand why throw away a good relationship? he also used the famous it's not you it's me phrase which in this case he did mean it because he said he's been depressed lately because he has been making me think everything's okay the past week and he says he doesn't know about the relationship anymore because he's only 16 and stuff and he also said i don't want to hurt you and i don't want to lose you. Well, if you don't want to lose me then why put me through this. I don't understand what's going on and we didn't finish talking last night so i won't know until today what's going to happen, but he's done this before twice in the past two weeks and last time he did this he said he's just been in a bad mood lately because of the whole basist thing and he said he shouldn't do that to me and he said we have a really good relationship. He also said he'd never say those things again, he promised and he said he was sorry a million times. Now I don't know he did it again broke his promise and stuff. Oh and he also said that after this relationship he wouldn't date until he was pretty much in his twentys because he's tired of hurting girls and stuff and just wants to be single. I don't want to lose our really good relationship, but i think that it's to later and i can't do anything about it now.....please help me!!!
Wellnowuknow Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 "Sometimes in life you have to let something go to see if it will follow" I know that's not exactly what you want to hear but letting him go is the only thing you can do. He feels young, he wants to get out there and enjoy life (not that he's not enjoying it with you) I mean he just want to experinece other things. You can't hold him down and try to keep him with you if he wants to go theres nothing you can do. And he already told you it's not your fault so you have nothing to worry about. Give him sometime and if you let him go and he comes back then you'll know you guys were supposed to be together. If not its better you find out your not supposed to be with him now whiole your young so that that you can get over it and move on faster.
Author Butter15 Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 i know i should just let him go but i can't part of me says hang on to him there's no reason he should be saying these things he's just doing it because he said he was in a bad mood because of the bassist thing and he's taking it out on and he still cares about me, and the other part says there's nothing i can do and to let go. It's like my heart says to hang on but my mind says to let him go that it's for the best, but i can't do that because we have such a great relationship and nothing went wrong with us it's just him i just don't know what to do anymore...
derrick231 Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 I totally agree with that. I think it would be best for the both of you for the moment to let go... I think if he really means that he doesn't want to lose you that he will come to his senses and make up with you... But if he doesn't, don't wait around for him. Try to experience some new things yourself.. Things that will make you happy and keep your mind off of him for a little while.. I wish you luck though..
Author Butter15 Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 as much as i hate to admit it i know both of you are right but i don't know i'll just miss talking to him and just being around him...he was the perfect person for me the way i looked at it he just was everything i wanted and i can't see myself dating anyone else i just can't as much as i say let him go it's for the best when he calls today to talk about it i'm going to end up crying and saying i don't want to let you go and stuff but i'm gonna' try not to do that...at least soccer starts this week so i'll have something to keep my mind off him...but i still really want to be with him...
Author Butter15 Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 so can anyone give me advice on my side? eventhough just giving up on him is pretty much the best thing to do right now
EC Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Butter sweetheart...What else do you want o hear? Your being blind to the fact that you do have to let go fo a while and you don't want to admit it. I bet that you've read how everyone else has posted let him go , give him time and you have rolled your eyes but if just one person writes hold on to him you will be like ok finally someone who knows what their talking about. Well its not like that. At your age my 1st love was 17 and I was 16 and I did not want to let him go. I thought we were soulmates and I through fits and no one undertsood me and I was depressed for a while but you know the best Thing I did was let him go. We needed time away from eachother to grow up and experience things in life. I didnt think about it at the time but now that I'm older I understand. Let him go, give him some time to be with him and dont be afraid to be by yourself cuz thats what it sounds like. Your afraid to let him go and be alone. He needs his space. And I know you want him all to you and everything the same the great relationship that you have now. But after a while its not going to be so great. He's going to feel restless and want his space and your going to be keeping him there and the relationship you had that your tryin so deperately to hold on to will not be the sae relationship you will have it will change and get weird. You dont want that do you? Let him go...
morrigan Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 Let him go--clinging onto him won't work and won't be good for you. It's OK to be upset and hurt, but it's also good to realize that his priorities have changed and that you shouldn't be 4th or 5th on his list of importance. No relationship is worth being a low ranking in someone else's life. Don't waste your hate on him--he probably is upset about how things worked out, but he was honest with you about what was going on and that he felt it wasn't working out. It will hurt for a while to be around him, so try no contact--no calls, no visits. If you see him in pubic, be friendly, but don't go out of your way to hang out with him or do things with him socially. In time, you will feel better. Focus on your life, your family, friends, the things you like to do. This guy is not the only guy out there that you could have a great relationship with.
Author Butter15 Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 I guess all of you are right...i don't want to do it but i guess i'm going to have to, and yes i am afraid to be alone i haven't for almost 10 months and i just really don't want to let go i really care about him a lot and i want to keep talking to him and yes i am really upset, and another thing that upsets me more is that my little brother he sorta looked up to him and now i have to tell him that he won't be around anymore and it just upsets me that nothing went wrong with us i wish he could see that it is normal to have a long term relationship at this age everyone at my school does it's not uncommon, but i guess if i have to let go i have to...thanks for the advice but how do i deal with being depressed and stuff? i just want it all to go away! I don't want to like him anymore and I feel as if I wasted my time!
Author Butter15 Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 okay i talked to him and he says he can't make up his mind, one minute he thinks he wants to be together the next he says it'd be better for us not to be and he says i'm not the problem and he still wants to be friends and he's not doing it to be mean he just wants to focus more on music and things like that but there's still the half of him that says keep trying.....so i've thought about it and i've decided that i will tell him everything that has been going through my head i got scared on the phone and i just couldn't remember what i wanted to say so now i do and i'll write it down and i'll just tell him i think it's the best and it'll be my last and very final attempt at making things better other than that there is nothing i can do at all.........well wish me luck and if you still have any advice on the situation please post and hopefully it won't be to late...
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