Big problem with some awesome girl

[HollyToe]

Hey Guys,

a the beggining i want to tell that im new at forum, and english is not my native language so sorry for mistakes . I have a big problem with one girl. I read a lot in internet but still cant solve it and i might You will help me.

Here is a history:

At the holiday camp, i met a really interesting girl. For the first time i didnt know if she likes my too. But there were many things that let my belive - yes, im interesting for her. For example, at the first day we met, in the evening we were sitting around firefield, singing and laughting with oder guys from camp. She was sitting next to me. And as she was laughting from my joke, she put her head on my shoulder and continued laughting. Than we were talking and playing everyday. In the evening we were sitting together with beer, and observed sun which was going down and down. When we were going somewhere with all big group, she always separated me from other Guys, and we were walking together behind oders. One time she proposed me to swim in lake at night. So after evening party we went on the beach and swam in lake. The water was really cold, so she took my hand and hugged. When we were swiming in lake with oder Guys she was always in top and shorts, but at this evening she wore only bikini . After bathing, we stayed on molo, talked and slept on it. Next day, that was a terrible wind (something about 6 in Beauffort), and her bout crashed. I was captain on another bout, and after we sailed to the port i heard from my friend who was on crashed bout, that this girl was really near to lost her life and is in really bad state of mind. I found her, talked and comforted her all night. Next day she succesfully passed her sailor exam

 

But holidays ended, we returned to our homes. Luckilly, she was from my city. She invited my to her house-party. It was really nice, and as for me, she really liked my in this time. When we were sitting with all friends arround the firefield, she sat on my knees. Than in house she was sitting "on me" as long as she could. We were keeping our hands, kissed (but not French kiss), and having good time. At 4 am, ppl went sleep. I wanted to sleep in saloon at armchair, but she said "if u want u can sleep with me", so i went at the bed, she was only in lingerie, hug me, smiled and talked. I was stiupid - i didnt do anything i only hug her, kissed her cheek and slept... At the morning, while we were moving away from her house, i recived fast kiss and nc smile.

 

When school started (she is from my school, but not class), we were meeting everyday on breaks (that was her idea), and sometimes after the lessons we were going on some pizzas, beer or ice creams. She introduced me to her friends.

 

One day in radio i heared that her favourite band will be in our country. It was really hard to find tickets but i did it. She was really happy. After school we went on trainstation, and traveled to the show place. During the concert she was hugging me, smiling, and kissing (but in cheek). After concert, while we were waiting for train, we were walking throught old parts of the city. We were holding our hands, talking and laughting. It was really awesome.

 

After we returned to our city, we lost contact for 3 days (she was in mountain with her familly, and some friends). After that she told that she wants to talk with me. When we met, she said that she really enjoy this what was between us since the holidays, but she cant hold it cause she dont want to hurt me more in the future, and she see us as a friends at this time. Than she said that she really like spending time with me, and she doesnt want to break contact between us. It really hurted my, but i smiled and tell "too bad", and went away. Than i told her, that i dont want to be only her friend, cause i have a lot girls - firends, and im not searching for more. Since this time, we were only saying "hey" to each oder at the breaks. We stopped talking and meeting everyday... One time i needed some essay that she already wrote, So i messaged her that im really sad breaking silence between us, but i need her help. She told that there is really sad for her listening that its really hard for me to do it.. And she told that this silence is from my fault.

 

And its all of the story (yeah i know quite long). From usefull information:

-we are 18

-she has a gay friend (she was dating with him some time ago, but he finally told her that he is Gay and he cant hold it), whom she really like, and since we break down our contact, she is meeting with him once/twice a week (relax, im not spying her, i just know it from facebook )

 

I think i fall in love with her :/ and i dont know what to do now. I know i made a lots of fails (like no touch escalation, no french kisses, no sexual undercurrents) i was like really close friend, not boyfriend... so she wanted me a friend. But i didnt want to be in friendzone, so i break down our contact. I learned a lot since this holidays, worked hard (and still working ) and i changed myself. I really want to try once more but i dont know when and how?? Have i got any chances?? what do You think? she was interested in my, and i just failed?? Plz help me, You are my last chance

(my english is not so well so if something is not clear, plz write)

Greetings

[HollyToe]

Guys plz, rly no1 will help me?

[pteromom]

I think it is pretty obvious what happened. She was interested in you. She put her head on your shoulder, kissed you, and then invited you to sleep with her while she wore lingerie.

 

She wanted you to have sex with her. She wanted you to show some desire for her.

 

You didn't. So she moved on.

 

You might have another chance, since it is obvious she once liked you.

 

Go to her and say you don't want to be just friends. That you have very strong feelings for her and think you are in love with her. That you are sorry you wasn't more aggressive in trying to date her, but that you were unsure if she really liked you. Then kiss her like you mean it. Just grab her and kiss her.

 

This is all risky, of course. There's a possibility of rejection. But in order for there to be a chance of success, you have to be confident and assertive and 100% honest and open.

[HollyToe]

But maybe she treated my just like close friend and nothing more, so when she realised that i want something more than friendship, she hold me off. If she rly liked me, why she'd said "i think we should be friends at this time"? It won't be strange if i will call her, after 3 weeks of silence, and tell "hey, maybe we can meet?" ??

[pteromom]

Saying "Come sleep with me if you want" while she's wearing lingerie is NOT a sign of someone who wants to be just friends.

 

At least at that time, she WAS interested.

 

And who cares if it is strange if you call her now after 3 weeks? You gotta take the chance. Worst case scenario is that you are in the same situation you are in already - without her. Best case scenario is that she feels the same way. Only one way to find out.

[dasein]

I think there may be a preexisting relationship in the picture that you don't know about, and don't necessarily think she turned off because of your lack of making a move. You had shown plenty of affection to her to let her know you found her attractive. Usually, when they want sex, you need to give it to them, but late at night when you would have slept in a chair, and she offered you the bed, I think the proper thing was to do as you did.

 

In your shoes, I would move on entirely to other options. She knows where to find you if things change. If she does reinitiate contact, ask her -directly- if she is seeing or sleeping with other men.

 

If she did get upset that you didn't make a move on her, I question her value as a prospect, because you haven't dated, don't really know each other that well, and if she expects sex that soon or gets totally turned off, that's a red flag. I also don't like women who go around sitting in men's laps or hanging on them all the time in public before dating. This is also a minor red flag IMO. Good luck.

[dasein]

Saying "Come sleep with me if you want" while she's wearing lingerie is NOT a sign of someone who wants to be just friends.

 

I agree with this generally, but this girl has exhibited some teasing behavior, similar to what I have experienced. Wearing the lingerie means they want attention, but very often in similar circumstances they don't want actual sex, just to tease the guy, and will stop things once they get what they want. OP was going to have to sleep in a chair, and IIRC, it was very late. The more I think about it, I don't really like the way this girl conducts herself. She seems to be attention craving and a tease.

[HollyToe]

But, u know maybe it was sexual proposition without dating, but we spend together 2 weeks on sailor camp and we were talking non-stop and doing a lots of crazy things together so we knew each other really good (+ we realised that our parents were rly close friends when they were in shool). I will call her today for date tomorrow, and will see... any tips what should i do in this situation if she agree for date??

Edited November 2, 2012 by HollyToe

[dasein]

If she does accept the date, do not talk about heavy topics like "I like you so much, can't be just friends," none of that at all. If she starts up with heavy topics, listen a little then derail them with humor or a joke. Nothing heavy. Be the fun, flirty guy she met at sailing camp, charm her the way you did at the start, and physically forward if the opportunity presents itself. Try to take her somewhere you can sit next to each other, not across a table, not a movie, not a long dinner, not a long concert, drink, then appetizer, walkig around actively as much as possible. Rub her leg slowly and hold hands under the table. Slow walking after, not walkiing fast. Then walking around looking at something, art, nature, a park, whatever. If she is touching you and close to you physically, press into her as you are telling her things, subtly. Playfully take her hand and put it on your ass and laugh while walking "you can touch my ass if you want, it's ok," and laugh. Squeeze her a little to you around the waist. Take her around a corner and kiss her, do french kiss, reach around and grab her ass and squeeze it, if she responds to these things, take her to the most convenient place and have sex with her. If she turns off or is hesitant, don't lose your cool, just smile and tell her you can't help yourself when you are around her and so sorry she brings that naughty side out of you. If you can blush a little try to do so. Then start trying again a few minutes later Even if you don't end up in bed with her, she will have no doubt about your attraction this time. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

Edited November 2, 2012 by dasein

[HollyToe]

Thanks for Yours answers, one more question. I've just phoned her but she didnt answer. Few minutes later she wrote ""whats going on?", so i answered "send me short ring if u will have a free moment", than she told "can't we just text now, im too tired to phone U" what should i do now to invite her at date??? phone her, text her or just absolve and try another time?

[Ninjainpajamas]

You already failed to capitalize on the situation when she gave you a wide open window for you to do it.

 

However you're only 18, so that's going to come with the learning process.

 

Don't feel too bad about it, it's normal to be apprehensive especially if you're the type of guy who has respect...however when a woman is this direct with you the worse thing you can do is not make a move.

 

Therefore being an aggressive douchebag may have served you better in this situation, and then just drop off the face of the earth...she would have probably been all over you after that.

 

There's a window of opportunity that women allow for their romantic interest, when you do not make a move aggressively enough in that time period...unless she is very intrigued/interested in you she will likely close to the door on you at some point...which may mean she needs to sleep with a guy or two or go on a few dates before making the rounds back to you.

 

This girl sounds a bit more on the side of knowing what she wants though, so I'd take the proposition for friendship seriously, I think at the time she was willing to give you a chance, maybe because you seemed like a nice guy she could talk to...but ultimately she's friendzoned you, especially after getting into bed wearing lingerie, that's pretty much your fault for not going farther than that if you really liked the girl. I think she was just kind of in the moment though.

 

So I'd take it as a lesson learned and just back away...chasing her after that conversation will only make her see you as kind of a fool/push-over, I know some guys do that and like to chase women that aren't that interested or interested at all, but I honestly think the best thing you could hope for is asking her to settle for something safe.

 

The only way you could turn this around is if she was feeling insecure and rejected by you not making any advances, however if that was the case she wouldn't have tried to friendzone you, she would have still "seen where it goes" and unfortunately you, right now at 18, aren't on the same level as this girl in terms of experience, and she'll likely be the type to be into older men.

 

Cut your losses and put this behind you, that's my advice to you. If she's interested, she'll be back...but never chase...not at this point in the process, your mind is playing tricks on you with this whole "in love" thing...regardless of how you feel, you haven't established anything significant with her emotionally, you're going to have to just trust me on that if you can. You're clinging on and in danger of becoming a "nice guy" which is the kiss of the death from this woman.

[dasein]

I don't think one more date invite will hurt, but agree with ninja's points generally. I also don't think you did anything wrong, she is a bit tarty for her age, and maybe not as awesome as you think. Many more women you meet will respond to the measured restraint you are showing, and you will find that as long as you are ready to go when they are, that not being the average guy pressing for sex all the time (but some of the time ) will bring you benefits in the long run.

[dasein]

Thanks for Yours answers, one more question. I've just phoned her but she didnt answer. Few minutes later she wrote ""whats going on?", so i answered "send me short ring if u will have a free moment", than she told "can't we just text now, im too tired to phone U" what should i do now to invite her at date??? phone her, text her or just absolve and try another time?

 

Sorry missed this. Don't text or call any more tonight. Call her in a few days, after the weekend, if she doesn't answer and doesn't return the call or texts back or gives another lame excuse, follow ninja's advice and don't contact her at all any more. I think there may be another guy in the picture, but based on her response to you previously, she finds you physically attractive and that's enough for one more shot. Good luck.

[HollyToe]

but should i write something like "i just wanted to invite u somewhere but now its not important, have a good night" or just silence?? what i should do if she will call me tomorrow and ask why i didnt answer her?

[Ninjainpajamas]

but should i write something like "i just wanted to invite u somewhere but now its not important, have a good night" or just silence?? what i should do if she will call me tomorrow and ask why i didnt answer her?

 

Here's the scenario HollyToe...

 

You are an undercover black-ops agent...and your mission has just been compromised!

 

The enemy is on the hunt, every bounty hunter in the middle east is after you and it's to dangerous to contact anyone because you don't know who to trust and you don't want to put anyone else in danger!

 

You need to lay low for a while, let the heat die down and then come back with a new identity.

 

As an 18 year old, I think that will make sense to you!

[HollyToe]

Hah interesting concept Man so how long should i waiting to get in action again? And what should i do if "enemy agent" will come to me in school? I have to give her back 15 dolars from some tickets, so we will probably meet in short time...

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well you obviously have to pay her back.

 

There really is not set time, you have to rely on your instincts and act on them, and if you don't have them you have to develop them..but for at least a while, you should focus your energy on other women or activities, whatever is your interest instead of focusing on this girl.

 

You've already lost the battle, that's over with...so you've got to keep yourself at a distance unless you want to lock yourself into the friendzone.

 

You have to develop these skills though for yourself, that's the point of learning from these kinds of experiences.

[HollyToe]

Well i realised that there is one thing which U should know about: I'm living in +1GTM so yeasterday when i called her and she didnt want to talk - just texting cause 'she was tired', you judged her behaviour as a excuse (and told me that i shouldnt call her this weekend), but here where we are living, it was something about 10 pm (~22:15) so maybe she just didn't want to talk cause she was really tired and in bad mood? what do U think?

[dasein]

Still think call next week and ask for one more date. if she gives any type of excuses, just move on. 10PM is not that late for people who want to talk to each other.

[HollyToe]

Ok, thanks for Your answers Guys, i will call her, or met her at school and invite for one more date and we will see. If something happen, i will write.

Big thank You once more

[HollyToe]

Guys, i did as you told me. Here is our phone conversation:

Me: Hey, i might im not interrupting you so much?(with some kind ofspecial voice)

She: Hey, no u aren't

M: so whats up?

S: im relaxing befor training (...)

M: ahh i see, listen i dont know how it was for u, but

for me, this month was strange. And i think we should

meet in the weekend.

S: oh im really busy at this time, but why dont we met in next

week?

M: ok, i will check when i have some time in this week

call u back.

S: okey

M: so have a nice training, bye

S: see you.

I realised that i have some time on monday, so i will let her know tomorrow.

Now: what should i talk about when we will meet? Like on first date?

Is it good idea to kiss her at the end of meeting?? I dont know what i should think about it... If She is not interested in me, why She agred to meet with me?

[HollyToe]

We are meeting on monday evening, cmon Guys i rly need Your help

[HollyToe]

Up up up, cmon, monday is tomorrow and i still dont know what to do :/