have i blown it completley?

[The_Face]

You're ex sounds like a real winner. Doesn't realize he's got a great thing in front of him. A girl who wants him in her life and who is carrying his child. I don't blame you for not wanting to have his child, as he will be of no support. But it's YOUR baby, too. DUH. Take your time with your decision. I respect your decision but it does sound like a lot of the reason behind it is your ex, which could come back to haunt you down the road, once you get over your ex you may realize you wanted that baby but got rid of it for his sake. I feel for you. You got a tough road ahead, but you'll come out stronger in the end.

 

Take care!

[Minadee]

I just wish he would realise that I waited for him and would do anything to make him happy! I've been told not to dwell on who he is with and what he's doing but I can't help myself and it hurts so much. It has now been nearly 48 hours no contact. Im waiting for him to text me when he is picking me up tomorrow. I think the lady at the clinic will be giving me advice first, and i'm not very far along so I have a little while to think about my decision, but I come from a very stable family, with both of my parents together for 26 years now, and I wanted that for my child.

[Tree_Salmon]

You're ex sounds like a real winner. Doesn't realize he's got a great thing in front of him. A girl who wants him in her life and who is carrying his child. I don't blame you for not wanting to have his child, as he will be of no support. But it's YOUR baby, too. DUH. Take your time with your decision. I respect your decision but it does sound like a lot of the reason behind it is your ex, which could come back to haunt you down the road, once you get over your ex you may realize you wanted that baby but got rid of it for his sake. I feel for you. You got a tough road ahead, but you'll come out stronger in the end.

 

Take care!

 

Sorry but this guy tried for a very long time and she pushed him away.

 

I'm going to put myself in his shoes for a second and say that he was probably in some extreme pain at one point trying to get her back.

 

What he's turned into now is a direct result of that rejection and heart break.

 

I don't think it's fair to come down on him now.

[lemonlime]

Lol, kind of ironic. I just found out I'm pregnant with my not officially back together person's child. His initial reaction was very similar although he's been much more supportive and understanding since those initial two days. We havent decided what we want to do yet. Well, I havent.

 

Anyway, you have got to stop what your doing. Every single time you try desperately to cling to him your pushing him further away. It screams out

 

"I'm a sick person that isn't even able to take care of myself so I cant be good for someone in a relationship and I'm going to show you that by trying to manipulate you with my issues."

 

And I really mean that from a good place. I know what its like. My ex and I went through terrible times where he was treating me really messed up, and I let him. And when he finally broke things off some of the desperation came out. And I dragged it out for months, and things only got worse. So, things really ended. I resolved that I was NOT going to talk to someone that treated me that way. If he didnt want to talk to me, thats fine. So, we didnt talk.

 

This is the part I really think you need to work on. I spent that time being alone, and more importantly I spent that time re-learning how to have a healthy support system that wasnt hinged on a guy. Learned to be happy by myself again. You cant be a good partner to someone if you NEED them. You should want them in your life because they had something, not because your emotionally dependent on them.

 

I also think an important point to mention is we didnt actually talk or see each other for three months. We did email once at the 6 weeks mark. I think something really important happened there. I emailed him something asking about how he was doing. He replied that he still wasnt ready. Now that upset me because it seemed pretty presumptuous. I replied saying that is in no way what I meant. I would never even consider getting back with you until you had shown me that you were going to treat me with some respect. I deserve it and I'm not going to let anyone mistreat me, regardless of what may have happened in the past. So, right there he knew. I wasnt the same person anymore. I valued my happiness and self respect more then I valued having whatever little bit he was willing to give me. And when we got back together, we had things come up, but he never again treated me like that. We were both in a much better, more mutually respectful place.

[Minadee]

Sorry but this guy tried for a very long time and she pushed him away.

 

I'm going to put myself in his shoes for a second and say that he was probably in some extreme pain at one point trying to get her back.

 

What he's turned into now is a direct result of that rejection and heart break.

 

I don't think it's fair to come down on him now.

 

Although there is some truth to your words, with me rejecting his question of being with him officially, It was not like I was a complete heartless b*tch. I was still there, I still saw him every day, we still acted like we WERE a couple in every aspect, I just didn't want to make it official as I wanted him to be sure he was ready. Which he wasnt, as proved by this past few months events.

 

Lemonlime, I wish you all the best in your situation, there is no easy way out let me tell you He actually texted me for the first time in a long time last night saying "Let me know when you want me to pick you up weegirl xx" (weegirl because he was there when I had to give a urine sample!) and I was very blunt with my responses, it felt like a big breakthrough. I wasn't desperate to talk to him or cling to his every word, hoping to find some sort of deep hidden meaning, I was just happy that I had stuck to my NC over the weekend. Obviously I have to see him today, and I can't tell you how it will pan out. Will let you all know when i'm home. Wish me luck :/

[Minadee]

Update!

Okay, so he picked me up around 11:45, it was very casual, he told me he really liked my hair (?) and he put on a cd. One of the songs was Drake - So proud of you (or Make me proud, not too sure on the title!) which i'm not sure if was just a co-incidence, but it's hard not to read into the songs that HE has chosen. Next he chose Drake - best i've ever had ?????!!! again, I can't tell if it's just because he likes that song, or he wanted me to listen to the lyrics. There was a lot of laughter in the car, but it was just like we were friends. As we reached a traffic light, I was silent as I was nervous and I think he picked up on those vibes and kissed my forehead and I kissed his arm. I asked him where he was friday and he went "Oh.. er. Sombodys... Jamies house." (Jamie being his male friend) I am skeptical but I don't have any other choice to believe him. He's not one to lie, the thought of asking Jamie myself crossed my mind, but I know I can't do that.

 

Eventually we arrived at the clinic. Walking there we saw his friend, Jamie (weird!) and he waited outside (my choice) and I was about 45 minutes. I was told I needed a repeat blood test (17th November) as my hormone levels were going crazy and they couldn't risk termination just yet. I was about 45 minutes. I was very emotional as I left and he held me for about 40 seconds outside the clinic not saying anything. Then we went back to his car and I was crying a lot saying I just wanted everything to be over and he said "It will soon, i'm here for you" As we drove back, again, there was no tension, aside from me crying I was quite relaxed. Someone was blowing up his phone, when I asked subtly he said "Jamie" and I didn't question it further. He dropped me back to mine and I asked if he wanted to come in.

 

He did for about 15 minutes as he had work. As soon as I got to the bedroom, I told him I had a favour to ask him. He smiled and seemed quite tense for a little while. I asked him to check my breasts (who better to ask about my breasts than someone who fondled them for 3 years haha!) Now I'm not some insane lady, (or maybe I am...) as this pregnancy is making me go crazy, I had noticed my nipples get a little bigger and my breasts swell, but needed a second opinion, so I got nude infront of him (not awkward at all, felt very natural) and asked him to check them. He did and said he couldnt feel anything different and we both laughed, then he sucked my nipple (really cheekily! and it turned me on, goddamnit) and looked at me with a big grin and i hit him playfully. Then we sat and watched tv in bed (I was under the covers while he was outside the covers.) And he had his head rested on my shoulders and he scratched my back (something I love!) Then he announced he had to go and I pulled on some pyjama bottoms and went downstairs with him. At the door we hugged, very very tightly and he kissed my forehead and then kissed my cheek. I moved and our lips touched. I said "sorry, force of habbit" Then he said "I swear you're getting shorter" (i'm about 9 inches smaller than him!) and I giggled and he kissed me, harder this time, we were kissing for about 2 minutes. His hands were going down my back, carresing my skin and I had my hands around his neck and through his hair. Then my dog ran outside (stupid bloody mutt!) and we ran around chasing her. After getting her in, he kissed me forehead then he said "I'll see you soon okay? I'll see you on the 17th." And left without looking back.

 

I am blowing up trying to figure this out, what was that kiss?! friends don't kiss like that? Breadcrumbs? GIGS? Keeping me sweet incase this being single lark doesnt work out? I don't bloody know. Do I go NC till the 17th? Do I ask to go on a date? Do I do LC with him? This is driving me nuts!

Edited November 5, 2012 by Minadee

[strummgirl]

Hope you're doing okay Minadee? It sounds like he cares for you which I can understand why it must make it all the more difficult to let go of him. But the situation you've created by showing him how desperate you are is self-perpetuating. The more you beg, plead, the more you'll justify further begging, the more you put him on a pedestal. Your self-value reduces to zero.

 

He isn't the one who is going to heal you or offer any sort of 'validation' to your human being self. Only you can do that. It's so hard that we have to find that strength within ourselves, we have to cry, feel hollow, feel totally lost...but it's the only natural way to getting to that real inner happiness.

 

Even if he did come back to you...when the dust settles after your initial relief receiving validation and the feeling of 'wholeness'..your self-esteem would be low knowing that deep down how heavily dependent you've become on this guy.

 

If you can carry yourself through this, you're going to feel amazing later on down the road. And who knows what's around the corner ? It's exciting !

 

Channel all that passion and emotion you have into some positive plans for yourself. Take yourself on a date. Be good to you.

 

This is the advice I'm gonna give to myself too. Starting this evening. Hot bubble bath, good food and a good book. Even if I have to wail my eyes out in the process...I'm healing.

[strummgirl]

oh damn! I never read the later pages - I'm behind on the updates. Sorry - I'm new here. haha. I'll get up-to-date before posting more.

[strummgirl]

Okay, I'm up to date. And Jeez...that's a crazy turn of events.

 

You seduced him, he liked it. He said see you on the 17th...

 

Everything I said earlier still stands. Be good to yourself and stop seeking validation from him.

 

Definitely go NC until the 17th.

 

Let time do its magic.

[Minadee]

Thankyou for your advice strummgirl I will work on myself, i'm already feeling a lot more confident. I will try really hard to keep to NC, i'm just so worried he will find another girl and move on from me and i'll have been too late!

[Minadee]

Broke NC already, had been painting all day and I kept checking my phone but nothing. I sent him a message on fb and he was very blunt and not very talkative. Stupid stupid me! I just thought after our kiss yesterday that he would be the one to talk to me first, such an idiot! He did however put two kisses when I put one when I said I should go. :/ I was also on twitter earlier posting about my new clothes I ordered (although that isnt really relevant, just something to cheer me up!) and he had posted a tweet saying "Why lie?" and it really irritated me. All I can think of is that some girl he wants has lied to him. He wouldnt write something like that about his male friends! I know I have this terrible stalker-tendancy habbit of over analysing everything but I want him back and its killing me! I worry so much that he will move on when i'm trying to get him back. Strict NC for me, although I have a couple days off work this week, I don't know what i'm going to do on those days, because I used to just want to be with him and now I can't even go to his house anymore.

[geegirl]

You have to seriously decide what NC means to you.

 

Running and hiding behind it everytime you get a bad reaction is not helping you.

 

You say NC then you bare your breasts and body to entice and seduce him. He gets excited and you're over the moon feeling confident. Then he gives you the cold shoulder. Then you run and hide behind NC again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

What are you hoping to gain from NC? If you're just doing it to lick your wounds everytime you get a non-response then it's useless. It's not a game.

 

You implement NC because you want to heal and you're completely done with being hurt and repeating the same patterns. Stop using your body to get him.

 

At some point you have to at least feel humiliated having to chase a man this much to make him want you. Please stop. It's painful to see what you are putting yourself through.

[Minadee]

Hi geegirl, thankyou for your input. I agree with you on the NC meaning, I don't know what i'm expecting right now, I just feel like NC is useless as i'll be seeing him again in 10 days. I agree with most of what your saying but I didnt show my breasts to him to seduce him, I showed them to him because I was concerned about how they look and wanted a second opinion, as I tend to be a complete hypocondriact (excuse me if I've spelt that wrong!) and see or imagine things that are not there. The nipple biting was a complete suprise to me, I wasn't expecting it at all, regardless of what you may think of me. I do agree with what you said about licking my wounds. If I was in a situation where I knew I wasnt going to see him again i'd initate full NC to heal and better myself, but knowing I will be seeing him soon is making me paranoid and desperate for any signs of attention. I know it is getting ridiculous of me, and i'm usually a woman who takes pride in herself and I usually don't need peoples reactions to feel confident, it's just this break up has been such an unexpected blow that I'm not too sure how to handle it. Hmm. :/

[geegirl]

I agree with most of what your saying but I didnt show my breasts to him to seduce him, I showed them to him because I was concerned about how they look and wanted a second opinion, as I tend to be a complete hypocondriact (excuse me if I've spelt that wrong!) and see or imagine things that are not there. The nipple biting was a complete suprise to me, I wasn't expecting it at all, regardless of what you may think of me.

 

He is an EX. You show your breasts to your mother. Your best girlfriend. Your doctor. You don't seek his diagnosis. You even said you got fully nude after that. Why is that? And then laid in bed with him? It's normal for your body to change during this time, yet you felt your ex could help you clear your concerns about your breasts? Let's be honest. I'm slapping you upside the head because you have NO boundaries or self-control and when a man tells you that he does not want to be with you, yet you do what you do, you diminish your self-respect. It only pushes them away.

 

The nipple biting? Of course he's going to get enticed and want to feel and bite and whatever. He's having an urge like any hot blooded male.

I do agree with what you said about licking my wounds. If I was in a situation where I knew I wasnt going to see him again i'd initate full NC to heal and better myself, but knowing I will be seeing him soon is making me paranoid and desperate for any signs of attention.

 

Please, please, please have some self-control and have some restraint in how you handle yourself. If you know you are seeing him on the 10th, then see him but instill BOUNDARIES. What you will not do and keep to it.

UNTIL he says, "Minadee, I love you and I want to be with you and make us work"...you stay behind your boundaries, keep your feelings intact eventhough it's screaming out to him, you don't get naked and in bed with him and you move on, as hard as it it.

 

I know it is getting ridiculous of me, and i'm usually a woman who takes pride in herself and I usually don't need peoples reactions to feel confident, it's just this break up has been such an unexpected blow that I'm not too sure how to handle it.

 

You handle it by feeling the pain, but still keeping your dignity and sanity in check by reminding yourself of the reality of his words. That is all you can do and that is all we've all done to get through a breakup. He's not telling you anything that should keep you wanting to chase. If anything, you should be cringing at the way he has reacted to you and that in turn should make you want to quit the chase.

Edited November 7, 2012 by geegirl

[Minadee]

Hi Geegirl,

 

I found some of your post very hard to read, it was like I was getting a telling-off! Although I really appreciate the time you took writing it.

 

I agree with the boundries and NC, however I still don't agree with the breasts issue. I don't have any sort of bond with my mother and she is not aware of the pregnancy and the doctors have seen quite enough of me, I didn't want to waste their time with a worry that maybe my nipples are bigger, or maybe my breasts have swelled, and to me, he is (or was...) my best friend. I didn't do it seductivley, (hell i was wearing a white support bra, find me any male that is aroused by those and i will eat my hat, haha!) and i had tights on, I was never fully nude when I got into bed, and he did not join me under the covers, it was just that it had been a stressful day and I needed rest. I probably sound like i'm making excuses for myself, but that is your opinion, he is the father of my unborn child and I will not be ashamed of my changing body, infront of him or not, it is not like he hasn't seen any of it before, and there was nothing sexual going out UNTIL he nipped my nip! Which like you said, is probably just a reaction of any bloke with blood! But perhaps you are right, I wont be so hasty in getting changed infront of him again should that situation arise, I didn't really think twice, maybe I should have.

 

You are right with the moving on business. I guess I am afraid of the finality of it all. (is that even a word? ) I unfortunatly take after my father and am a complete control freak and dislike change a lot. It is very hard to transition from talking and seeing eachother all the time to nothing. zilch. nada. I think once I accept that until he wants me back, (if that ever happens) I will just have to continue my life without him. I really want to get this whole baby business over with, as I feel like i'm in some reccuring nightmare. It makes me sad that the worst isn't over yet, the next couple of weeks are going to be horrible, with having to make the very final decision regarding the child. I'm just afraid that (if) I have the termination, it's completley over between us and he wont contact me again. I don't know if i'll be able to handle that, i really don't.

 

I've started yoga again though, I feel a lot calmer today. I am eating healthily and enjoying walks with my little doggy. I just hope I can keep this positive attitude up!(although I wont talk too soon! )

[geegirl]

I'm sorry to be harsh to you but your posts have been coming from a place of delusion and I'm direct verbally because I can't be there to physically shake you and make you grasp reality!

 

He is the father of your child but he is also an ex that is rejecting you. Remember, instill boundaries based on the situation at hand. It will help you from self-destructing. Moving past the "breast" issue, please try to have boundaries for yourself when dealing with him. I understand contact is hard but understand that if you have to do it, practice restraint and don't give in to your impulses.

 

We never make wise decisions when emotionally driven. That is why NC is important, especially when breaking it keeps on hurting you and you alone.

 

Seek a support system outside of him after your next meeting with him. If you have health issues or questions, seek a doctor. Emotional difficulties, seek friends or a counselor.

 

Everytime you give in to your weaknesses, it's never rewarded you or changed his stance about the situation. I know it's painful but having to feel this way after every disappointment has to at least make you want to say enough.

Edited November 7, 2012 by geegirl

[Tara247]

Minadee, are you sure you want to have an abortion? Make sure you are not having the abortion to please your ex or try to get him back. I did read that he wanted you to have the abortion.

[Minadee]

I've a little while to decide. I'm about 90% sure about my decision regarding termination. But he is out there, dating other girls and has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with it, but will support me throughout the abortion. I feel like my heart is breaking.

[Minadee]

Hi everyone, thought i'd give you all an update.

 

Been LC with him for about a week now. I havn't been able to stick to NC i'm afraid but i've been showing him i'm a more positive and easy going person. If you saw my other thread, you'd see that he went on a "friendship" outing to the cinema with another girl, who happens to be blonde and beautiful. I had to confront him as it had been less than a week since we were officially over. I know I cannot control what he does but I wanted him to be upfront with it about me. He shouted at me saying "Can't I have friends?" And I felt stupid for over-reacting though it still played on my mind. Who goes cinema with one other person of the opposite sex without intentions? I know I wouldn't but maybe that is just me.

 

The appointment for the clinic changed from the 17th to the 16th, so I messaged him about it asking if he was still free to take me and he said he was. I messaged him upset last night and he replied saying "Okay, I understand, but i'm trying my hardest to be there for you! I am just so busy!! I'm trying to be there but I cant all the time with work and my family. I have work now so i'll speak to you later" but he didn't until I messaged him.

 

This was last night and this morning the pain was getting so severe I didn't know what to do with myself. So i packed up a lot of his clothes and went to his house. This was very irrational thinking but I didn't want to be on my own at home. His step father answered and looked genuinley pleased to see me, I got on so well with him and we really bonded. There was a time when the ex left for work and I stayed at the house playing video games with his step dad and we laughed and joked and before I knew it, two hours had passed! He let me in no questions asked despite J telling them we had broken up and I went to J's room. I went straight to the bed and he was typing some work up. I asked him if he was mad that I came over and he said "No, but you can't stay here very long." I didn't question it and tried to sleep.

 

I slept for a little while and woke up to him in bed with me. He was lying on his side looking at his phone. He must have felt me stirring and turned over and lifted his arms so I could cuddle him. He then smacked me on my forehead playfully and said "wake up" and I hit him back. I then cuddled him and we lay silently for a while with the music on in the background. Then he kissed my forehead and kissed my lips and we ended up passionatley kissing then when I was on top of him he said "This will (or might, i can't quite remember which one he said) be the last time" and I looked at him and said "why would you say that?" and he replied by saying "We shouldn't be doing this now." and he must have read my expression and said "do you want to stop"and he looked pained and I looked at him and my expression must of said a lot but I kissed him really gently and then we had sex.

 

My first reaction after the sex was "should I be feeling used right now?" and the answer to that was no. I wanted to have sex with him, I didn't feel "used and abused" and I didnt go over for that at all. Some of you might have other opinions on that, but if I want it, then how can I feel used? I love having sex with him, despite my feelings for him, it didn't make me feel heartbroken or confused or dirty or like some to put it in the nicest possible way a er.. place to store bodily fluid . I hope you all don't think of me as some easy trollope. I lost my Virginity to this guy and aside from one other bloke when we broke up last year, he is the only other guy i've slept with.

 

We laid silently for a while and he was stroking my back before he told me I had to go as it was his mother's 50th and it would be awkward if I stayed. At first I was a little annoyed, and he got a little irritated, saying I needed to get out of his house. He told me I could stay and sleep if I wanted but that he was leaving after dropping his mother home and that it would be weird if I stayed and I would have to explain myself. As far as i'm aware she does not know about the pregnancy and myself and J would prefer to keep it that way.

 

Eventually I realised I was being selfish and he had to leave to pick her up so I got dressed and left. I texted him saying I was grateful and hoped he wasn't mad I came over and he texted me back saying he was annoyed about me coming over and that he can't "baby-sit" me all the time. I was upset and texted him saying I didn't ask to be in this situation and I needed support. He told me he was trying but it's never enough. I realised I was pushing him and pushing him into being here for me and I can't force him into being there for me. As a recent poster said, I need to stop forcing him to feel sympathy for me. I texted him back saying I was grateful and that had I realised that it was his mother's birthday I wouldnt have put him on the spot. I then asked him to not be mad at me. He hasn't replied.

 

Now i'm at home in a lot of pain. I feel so weird. I dont want to curl in a ball and cry like I did a few days ago, but I dont feel "oh my god he wants to be with me again." odd. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. He is showing me he is really matured while I am still getting there. He is so calm and collected and isn't get hysterical like me and I respect him for it.

 

I see him again on friday. I'm not too sure how I feel right now. I still want to be with him, but I think i've finally moved on from the desperation period. My feelings are all over the place but right now I feel... I dont know. I feel like I should be a wreck but i'm not, i'm calm and weirdly content... well, for now anyway. Could it be that it's just because I have gotten laid? (excuse my blunt-ness) or because my ego has had a stroke? I wish I could understand my own feelings. I keep replaying when he said "this will be the last time" and I feel like I should be crying but I'm not. And I don't know why.

Edited November 13, 2012 by Minadee

[Minadee]

Found out he spent the night with the girl he took to the cinema. The pain I am feeling is unreal. His tweets consit of #bestnight and #happy and the pain in unreal. it's actually unreal.

[lemonlime]

You are far from being in a place where you can sleep with him without expectations. Thats why its him using you. He KNOWS the sex means nothing, and you cant see that. He knows it means more to you, but he doesnt care. And then regardless of what you say he was pretty nasty afterwards. Dont let someone treat you like that, and stop making excuses for him.

[Minadee]

Update.

 

Okay so yesterday was the day he took me for a blood test. Have a repeat one this friday at 08:30am which he has offered to take me to. Wore a split maxi dress with a leather jacket and he was looking me up and down as I walked towards his car. We said hello, was silent for a while then we laughed and joked and I relaxed a little. He kept looking at me and smiling and I was winding him up about his driving skills and It was like nothing had ever happened between us.

 

Got to the drs, had my blood taken, had a good cry and he put his arm around me and kissed my forehead telling me it was going to be over soon. He kept trying to make little jokes and he was really good at cheering me up. When we arrived back at mine, I didn't invite him in, but we sat in the car in silence for a while as I got emotional. He gave me a big hug and kissed my cheek, very near to my lips, but I wasnt going to go there again if I could help it.

 

Didn't text me until I texted him. A friend and I were supposed to go for dinner but she bailed on me despite the horrible week I had. I was p*ssed and texted him out of annoyance, as he was the one I usually spoke to about regarding my not-so-good friends. He was really sympathetic and then 10 minutes after sent me a text saying "I can come around and drop you to (name of resteraunt) when i've finished work if you want?" and I told him I was greatful for the gesture but it was okay and I was going to call my mother and have an evening with her instead. I tried not to over analyse him texting me during work and offering to take me somewhere but it's hard not to. Am I reading into that gesture too much? He didn't reply and I sent him a text saying "goodnight, hope your shift went okay." to which he didn't reply to till about 11am the next morning when he said "Sorry, was sleeping." to which I havn't replied. I have forbidden myself from checking his twitter an his facebook as the pain hurts me too much, so I have no idea how things with this chick are going. Well I asume they are going well, as my very not so savvy internet noob mother uploaded a photo of us on her facebook (by accident I asume) and tagged him in it, which he very very promptly removed not before this butch rugby playing girl's friend liked it. (????)

 

Now what? I see him friday. :/

Edited November 17, 2012 by Minadee

[beyond]

Minadee,

 

In all this drama of does he or doesn't he like you, of practically throwing yourself at him and your self respect out the window, there is one very important fact here.....

 

You are pregnant and whether or not you decide finally to have an abortion or not, the consequences of that decision will be with you for the rest of your life, long after this guy has left.

 

Please just concentrate on that for now. I know your ex has said he will not be there for you and your baby - is this the main reason you have chosen an abortion? I just think you should be considering what is best for you, regardless of whether he is in the picture or not.

 

I see you are from the UK, so there will be free counseling available to you to explore how you feel about having this baby or not. Have you done that, really talked about this with someone trained to do that? If not, contact your GP immediately and ask to be referred.

 

I may have missed something, but it doesn't sound as if you have talked to anybody about your pregnancy apart from your ex. What about your family/close friends? You just seem a little alone in all this.

 

I wish I could reach through cyberspace and give you a hug right now, you seem so vunerable and are doing everything in panic mode.

xx

[lemonlime]

Have you had the abortion yet? How pregnant are you?

[Cutiepie1976]

I feel for you as you yo-yo back and forth over this guy. I have been there and despite everything and ALL my friends' advice, I wasn't able to stop all contact either. So I truly empathize with that. It's a bit like a drug addict, though. More drug is not going to fix the problem situation. It only makes things worse.

 

Two things, and I'll preface this by saying I'm pro-choice:

 

#1

You mentioned that you have fertility problems. Think very hard about what you want to do. I really would encourage you to talk to your best friend AND your mother or another older adult woman. Someone older can give you a perspective that an agemate can't. You really need that. This decision shouldn't be about your ex and trying to appease him in the hopes that he'll come back to you. Your pregnancy will be a blip that he probably won't even remember in a few years. For you, it will impact you for a long time, possibly for life. You're emotional and confused right now. Get input from others close to you who don't have a vested interest in seeing a particular outcome. You don't want to live with a lifetime of regret because you responded emotionally, out of panic, or out of misguided hope.

 

#2

Please stop having sex with your ex!! It's really just sex to him. A fun romp and nothing more. It's not for you. You're the only one getting hurt and confused when he sleeps with you and then broadcasts to the world about having the best date ever with some other girl. He's moved on. Clearly. Sleeping with him will not magically change that. Very few guys will walk away when you present yourself on a platter as you did. You're pregnant. Breasts, nipples, and abdomens change when you get pregnant. Stop rationalizing what you did. Why strip and ask him for a breast exam right after coming from a clinic where qualified professionals were better equipped to address your concerns? I'm not trying to give you a hard time, but be honest with yourself. Your antics are hurting you and only you.

 

You seem like a sweet, wonderful person stuck in an emotionally painful spot. It's hard to let go. I'm sure he's a great guy, but things are now over. We've all survived the pain. I remember calling my ex in tears one day about a month after our breakup to say that I couldn't take the pain any more. He was nice enough to listen patiently and sympathize as I wailed for a good half hour about how my heart had been shattered into a million pieces and the pain was too much to bear. (I had broken up with him and was devastated when he refused to take me back.) Well, I'm still alive! I somehow managed to survive. It does get better!!

 

Hugs!