dreamstate83 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 So after 1 month of no contact and 2 months of mixed signals, she's dating another guy. last conversation we had was a week ago and she admitted that she missed hanging out with me. The lonely part of me wants to say it's a rebound and she'll just end up comparing him to me and come crying back, but the realistic part of me wants to say that 3 months is plenty of time for her to move on properly and she's just done. You know the drill, LS, tell this guy what he needs to hear.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Sounds like a job for me. Move on. Don't hope its a rebound. Hope she never contacts you again. Hope he's got a chlymidia filled small penis. On to the part you can control: don't contact her, don't facebook stalk her, don't ask anyone about her. Wash your hands and find a hobby or two to take your mind off it.
flitzanu Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 So after 1 month of no contact and 2 months of mixed signals, she's dating another guy. last conversation we had was a week ago and she admitted that she missed hanging out with me. The lonely part of me wants to say it's a rebound and she'll just end up comparing him to me and come crying back, but the realistic part of me wants to say that 3 months is plenty of time for her to move on properly and she's just done. You know the drill, LS, tell this guy what he needs to hear. he's ringing her bell. would you want to dip in there after this new guy?
Author dreamstate83 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 he's ringing her bell. would you want to dip in there after this new guy? Absolutely not 1
Chi townD Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 You don't need me to tell ya. She made a choice and unfortunately it wasn't you. So, you need to do NC, start making some massive positive changes in your life. Do new and exciting things. Go travel somewhere. Your next post should be you responding from the Bahamas writing on a tablet standing on the beach wearing swimming shorts, a straw hat and a margarita in one hand and a Senorita in the other.
puzzled1 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 She misses you because she was once your best friend, but you have to remember that she is also your enemy right now. Until you are completely healed, I would not text her back, I would not meet her up, I would not want anything to do with her. You guys broke up for a reason and now there is another guy in her life, don't get closer because you will only end up hurting yourself while she can cry to this new guy while cuddling in bed. You have to show some self pride and keep up the NC!
Author dreamstate83 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 "I don't want to drag this out any further than it already has been. We won't be getting back together. I don't mean to hurt you in any way. I wish you all the best in your future." Finality is a bittersweet pill. Where are my weights at?
amaysngrace Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Usually I love the challenge of being brutally honest but I think you have a shot and she'll compare you to him. So, were you awesome?
Author dreamstate83 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 Usually I love the challenge of being brutally honest but I think you have a shot and she'll compare you to him. So, were you awesome? After she broke up with me and while I was getting my flight in order to leave, she still wanted me to come to bed with her and hold her one last time. She cried a lot during all of that. In past relationships, I've made my fair share of mistakes. I'll be 29 in 2 days though, and I can say with 100% certainty that I did not do anything that couldn't be talked about. Even under as much stress as I was I still made time to tell her I loved her and kissed her goodnight after she ate the dinner I made for her. Was I awesome? I was just human and in love. This one... I made all of the right choices. As much as I would like to think that this girl isn't over me and is in a rebound relationship that will fail and bring her back, the gravity of the situation hit me when I realized it had been 3 months already. Granted we knew each other for many many years as best friends and were officially together for many years as well, I just feel like she's flipped the switch to move on and that's all there is to it. All of my exes prior that did the dumping have come back running to me in tears a couple of months down the road asking for a second chance, but this time feels a bit different. She's a year younger than me but she's behind in relationships. Personally, I believe that this girl is going to need more relationship experience before she can realize that relationships do take work and that not everybody is perfect. I was her first "lifetime" prospect. She even said in the breakup that she was going to marry me - something she's completely against otherwise. In the end, only she knows what she wants. Maybe it's a rebound, maybe it's a learning experience that will teach her the valuable life lessons to be a better partner to me. I guess it doesn't really matter in the end eh? 2
Author dreamstate83 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 Get a different hat. I love my fedoras! If this board teaches anyone anything it's that you shouldn't change who you are for people :3 but hey, you made me laugh so kudos haha! 1
Author dreamstate83 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 Usually I love the challenge of being brutally honest but I think you have a shot and she'll compare you to him. So, were you awesome? I'm curious as to how you came to this conclusion though as it goes against the norm of this board and against my instincts. Care to extrapolate?
mishy Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 you cant know what she is going to be thinking about and its better not to speculate
Author dreamstate83 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 you cant know what she is going to be thinking about and its better not to speculate That's where I'm at honestly. After so much time of mixed signals finally hearing "We will not be getting back together" is a shove in the right direction to keep me going on my own. If after 3 months apart this is still somehow a rebound relationship and she comes back to me down the line, I wouldn't accept anything less than a 350 word essay on why she thinks it can work out and why it's what she wants. Oh, that essay better be written out of chocolate and be lined with gold.
mishy Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 That's where I'm at honestly. After so much time of mixed signals finally hearing "We will not be getting back together" is a shove in the right direction to keep me going on my own. If after 3 months apart this is still somehow a rebound relationship and she comes back to me down the line, I wouldn't accept anything less than a 350 word essay on why she thinks it can work out and why it's what she wants. Oh, that essay better be written out of chocolate and be lined with gold. the final words from her really sting, and its harsh to hear, but if you dont hear it, you cant really move on. In my opinion its best to even remove the word rebound from the equation and picture them getting married and staying together. Otherwise you just subconciously hang on.
Author dreamstate83 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 the final words from her really sting, and its harsh to hear, but if you dont hear it, you cant really move on. In my opinion its best to even remove the word rebound from the equation and picture them getting married and staying together. Otherwise you just subconciously hang on. Funny thing about that. All of my exes that have come back crying only to hear my rejection end up getting married to their next guy. Ever see the movie "Good Luck Chuck"? 1
amaysngrace Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I'm curious as to how you came to this conclusion though as it goes against the norm of this board and against my instincts. Care to extrapolate? Because that's what happens all the time to me. I'm awesome and they fail to recognize it and then I set them free and they go be with other people but still always try to get back to me. Yes. You sound awesome.
Author dreamstate83 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 Because that's what happens all the time to me. I'm awesome and they fail to recognize it and then I set them free and they go be with other people but still always try to get back to me. Yes. You sound awesome. Thanks for that ego booster! It took me awhile after the breakup to realize it but I really wasn't a bad guy. If you've read my story you'd know - I cooked dinner for her and her mom every night, drove her around town, and even labored to remodel a house she bought for us. But I'll be honest, it took many years of maturity and making mistakes with previous relationships to get where I am. It's all a learning process and no matter what happens between my ex and I it's going to be alright in the end. I tried to fight for her at one point (probably pushed her away when I laid it all out on the table), but at the end of the day I don't want to be with anyone that needs to be convinced it's a good thing. 1
Author dreamstate83 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Just updating this with the fact that i feel absolutely terrible right now. Better posting it here than trying anything crazy to talk to her again. In retrospect, she only seemed to completely cut me out of the picture and say it's not going to happen after she met the new guy. Stop being hopeful. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
flitzanu Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Just updating this with the fact that i feel absolutely terrible right now. Better posting it here than trying anything crazy to talk to her again. In retrospect, she only seemed to completely cut me out of the picture and say it's not going to happen after she met the new guy. Stop being hopeful. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. and now that poor sap gets to deal with her melodramatic nonsense and you can live your life with your sanity. 1
Author dreamstate83 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 I just realized I didn't tell you guys my response to this email: "I don't want to drag this out any further than it already has been. We won't be getting back together. I don't mean to hurt you in any way. I wish you all the best in your future." My response was: "Then I gave this everything I could and can live without regret. I really did love you endlessly, and if that means you are only going to be happy with someone else then so be it. I'm being forced to move on, and so that's what I'm going to do. All the best." Do you think I handled that properly?
flitzanu Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 it is acceptable. little dramatic, but acceptable. honestly i don't think it mattered what you did or didn't say, at this point, because by that point...the ex doesn't really care anyway. me personally, i'd have went with something simpler, like just 3 letters: "lol" 1
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