Under The Radar Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Ok, so I'm one of those few freaks of nature that doesn't have a Facebook page and prefers calling people to texting. It does seem like I'm in the minority now a days. I'm not against texting, but it seems rather impersonal to me. I don't want to type words onto a screen, back and forth, when I can hear the other persons voice instead. I'm not talking about a simple exchange of non-emotional information like "Meet you at 7PM" or "Honey, don't forget the bread at the store". If in a LTR relationship with someone "Hey babe, have a great day, I love you" I find to be completely appropriate, but I don't understand texts like "how's your day"? I mean WTF, am I really supposed to write back paragraphs to someone I can talk to later in person or on the phone? My ex-girlfriend LOVED texting. If she would call me on the phone, and it went to voice mail, she would never leave a message. For four years I'd just see missed call on the screen and just call her back. I talked to her about leaving messages and not texting constantly only to be told I'm trying to control/change her Hardly, I just believe in compromise and give/take in relationships. I mean, I am not hardwired to text and made a huge effort to text her all of the time because that is what she liked. Christ, even my therapist at the time told me that texting was a horrible form of communication. Was he full of s***? Many of my friends are my age (38) or older than me. Many of them seem to prefer talking on the phone to texting, but I am well aware that the younger generation is all about text. I am also aware that many people will use texting as a way to keep distance from a prospective dater until they are somewhat emotionally involved. I really don't get it, but like another thread recently started I'm at a loss. I haven't jumped all over the the texting bandwagon and I do feel like it might severely limit me in the future. So what's the deal? Am I overthinking this stuff? Do I have any legit point? Am I totally screwing myself over by not accepting this newer form of communication?
MrCastle Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 So what's the deal? Texting is the most popular form of communication nowadays. Am I overthinking this stuff?[/Quote] A little bit, yeah. Do I have any legit point?[/Quote] Yeah but having a point isn't going to land you dates. If you want to date Romans, do as they do. You can't simultaneously create and play by your own dating rules and expect success. Most people of the younger generation communicate via text, if you want to date them, you have to accept that technology. Am I totally screwing myself over by not accepting this newer form of communication? If you're trying to date younger people, yeah.
Author Under The Radar Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 (edited) Mr. Castle, Thanks for your reply. If memory serves I believe your 24 and not seeking an exclusive relationship at this time. That's cool, no problems with that. In my case, I have no interest in dating anyone in their 20's. I'd say my "dating age range" is 5 years younger or older than me. So, at 38 are you saying 33 to 43 year old woman consider texting their primary form of communication? I appear to be stuck in the middle of the generation that grew up texting and the other one that conversed through phone. Like I said, I'm not adverse to text, but it seems to be rampant in the dating world. How many hundreds of threads on here, about dating, have resulted in breakups or confusion resulting from text? It seems like a lot of game playing and/or miscommunication because of a lack of intonation/personalization, no? As previously mentioned, all of my friends are older than me and the vast majority never texted me. So, when I resumed dating again, I was bombarded with texts from different woman. If I call them, and leave a voice message, they always text back. So, would your advice for my age bracket simply be to jump on the texting bandwagon initially? Then, if a relationship develops into something exclusive, mention that I prefer talking on the phone over texting constantly? I don't mind texting to a degree; especially regarding an exchange of information or a quick "talk to you later" type thing. However, texts like "how was your day" I simply find frustrating. I'm serious, how would you respond to that without ending up in a written conversation? Just respond with "fine, talk to you later" or "fine, how are you"? Could someone give me some basic texting etiquette, guidelines, advice? I've totally been out of the loop on this even though most people on here are very familiar with this type of communication. Thanks for any help or insights. Edited October 30, 2012 by Training Revelations
Author Under The Radar Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 For instance, if I've been communicating with someone through text, all seems well, and then no answer, is the correct response to "drop of the grid" so to speak? In other words, they have no interest. What about in a long term relationship? I know these questions seem stupid to most, but I don't want to come across, even accidentally, as needy. I have no problem walking away if someone isn't reciprocating, but I don't want to become a doormat. Is the correct "form" give a text, get a text? It seems like sending a text too soon or two texts before getting an answer you are automatically labeled a stage 5 clinger. Anyone relate?
Author Under The Radar Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 BTW, how does one get the ability to PM on LS?
tsunamii Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 i guess most people are into texting nowadays. it is a good way to flirt initially so you should make some use of it to your advantage. if then things develop and we are talking about a LTR, then you can explain to your other half that you prefer calling than texting. if they are normal enough, i dont think they would have a problem with that. and when women text you "how was your day" you can always say "it was fine, shall i give you a call to catch up" or something along those lines. so you avoiding texting long messages and you invite them to talk on the phone. i think at the end of the day, we all are different and prefer to communicate in a certain way than another. find a balance, dont alienate yourself, but also try to embrace all different means of communication as well. as for texting etiquette, just go with the flow. i dont think there is one (regardless of all the BS you read here), just do as you feel. i guess you get a feeling from the other person as to how much and how often you should text. just try to be responsive and no rude, cheeky would help too most of the times. 1
Author Under The Radar Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 i guess most people are into texting nowadays. it is a good way to flirt initially so you should make some use of it to your advantage. if then things develop and we are talking about a LTR, then you can explain to your other half that you prefer calling than texting. if they are normal enough, i dont think they would have a problem with that. and when women text you "how was your day" you can always say "it was fine, shall i give you a call to catch up" or something along those lines. so you avoiding texting long messages and you invite them to talk on the phone. i think at the end of the day, we all are different and prefer to communicate in a certain way than another. find a balance, dont alienate yourself, but also try to embrace all different means of communication as well. as for texting etiquette, just go with the flow. i dont think there is one (regardless of all the BS you read here), just do as you feel. i guess you get a feeling from the other person as to how much and how often you should text. just try to be responsive and no rude, cheeky would help too most of the times. Hi Tsunamii, I really appreciate your post. I hear ya, it's all about balance and common sense. Your advice is great and exactly what I needed to hear. going with the flow sounds good
utterer of lies Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Texting is the most popular form of communication nowadays. I would say that's still talking to each other in RL.
MrCastle Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Radar, you're right, I am 24 and not looking for anything serious. I was going to make a thread about this (still might) but I really believe for the most part, if two people communicate differently, they are not compatible. If I meet a girl who is a horrible texter, I'd feel too needy/desperate/clingy saying "hey I'd appreciate it if you texted me more". I would more than likely just move on. You can, I guess, tell someone how you'd prefer to communicate once you get more serious with them. Like I've said before, you can play your own game and get the success that it dictates, or you play by the rules of dating and maximize your success. If you find most people you're going after are pro-text, I would learn to embrace it. Being good at texting has improved my success with women if you can believe it. I save my phone convos for girls I'm super into, and I'm also good at talking on the phone, but a well crafted, well timed text has landed me dates. I would say that's still talking to each other in RL. I meant secondary to real life interactions.
dasein Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Hell no, you are right on, the mass is crazy. I got dragged into overly texty relationships because the women seemed to crave it so much, had one text me 900 times in a month, was responding to every 5th or 6th one which was still maddening. I think you are on the same page as many adult men today, we just go along with what women like because it's the easy way. Sometimes we need to do things -our- way when we know we are right and let the easy way be damned. Hypertexting is something I simply won't do again, learn from my mistakes and avoid lots of confusion, stress and wasted time. IMO, there will be a technology backlash/gadget burnout retro revival sometime in the next 10 or so years, where people actually start turning off their cells and gadgets, not carrying them everywhere, stop being attached to the net through their phone, and use cells and gadgets more discriminately. Can always hope.
piggyoink Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 You'd be surprised how often people text in Vancouver or Toronto
FitChick Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I hate texting. I will usually respond to a text with a phone call and the last guy I dated didn't like that. I like to establish a connection and if you don't see someone regularly, talking on the phone is the best way as well as the fastest, at least for me.
kt1012 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I do not think you are caught between two generations of women, who text and don't text.... Any woman over 30 probably did not grow up texting as it was not popular until they were... eh.... 20ish... I am 25 and I have dated men up to 34 and men my age. I have found that the younger are more comfortable with texting and the older prefer to talk... Personally I am perfectly fine doing either. Texting is easier to do when you are first getting to know someone... I find it funny that dasein said some girl texted him 900 times in a month.... My phone bill will typically consist of approximately 5,000 texts per month. It is the new generation!!! I will say your therapist is correct about it being a bad form or communication tho. It is very impersonal and I have found that younger people have a very hard time voicing their opinions out loud, probably because they are used to being able to type everything and not speak. I say if a woman is worth your time... She will be willing to talk on the phone as well as text. I did it for my bf.
Author Under The Radar Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 MrCastle, I see your point about when in Rome do as the Romans do. I will just have to wait to see what the future brings. I'd like to try and strike a healthy balance between texting and calling. Thanks for your help.
Author Under The Radar Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Dasein, Yeah, I hear you loud and clear My last girlfriend used text as her primary form of communication. We met when she was 29 ( I was 33) and I learned to text message because of her. At first I didn't mind, but after a while it got old fast. I felt like her ability to communicate in person was poor to say the least. I think texting, if abused, can make people very lazy in relationships. It's almost like people build entire relationships through text messaging. Then, when problems arise, they don't know how to communicate in person with their partner.
Author Under The Radar Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 FitChick, You took the words right out of my mouth; I couldn't agree more
Author Under The Radar Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) kt1012, 5000 texts per month!!! No seriously, thanks for your response. I agree with you about it being the new generation. However, I am grateful to hear some posters believe texting isn't always the best from of communication. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one. I do respect the fact that you and many others value texting so much. I'm still trying to get used to it. I think you hit the nail on the head that it can depreciate communication between people. Here's to wishing a healthy balance between texting and calling/talking in person. Edited November 1, 2012 by Training Revelations
kt1012 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 haha yes about 5,000. But part of it is because groups of friends will communicate this way. You can send group texts and an etire group can see the whole conversation. Much easier than making 10+ phone calls!! I'm 25 so most of my friends who are up to about 30ish will text almost everything. I will have some months where it will drop drastically to about 2,500 or so but around 4-5,000 is average
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