texasbutter23 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 We are both in seniors in college. We dated all summer, saw each other every day. I was her first. Things were so great, very romantic, never fought but we addressed our problems. We are mutually exclusive but didn't want the label or pressure of a relationship. She is going to college in Cali, I am in Texas. We are both applying to medical school and hope to get into the same state/region. We agree that if this happens, we would both want a serious relationship. I visited her once this fall, we plan on seeing each other during breaks... ect... As we are both too busy in our last year to be dating. Also she doesn't drink, or party. Although she is popular and pretty. I am a confident guy, very attractive, and very fit,and I have never had any insecurity with her. For example, I told her I am cool with her hanging out with her guy friends (her ex-bf was insecure and controlling and said he didn't like that..), as long as she is honest with me about being sexually/romantically exclusive with me. So I trust her. I don't believe in controlling women, I believe in being the most attractive candidate and let women naturally come to me. Question is, how do I know if she is letting go or moving on from me? The first month of school we talked almost every day, and skyped once a week. I visited her last month and it was so much fun at the beach and mountains. But for the past 3 weeks she has only talked to me once, and she sends me a text every now and then apologizing saying that she is so busy. Yet, she still calls me dear, sweety, darling, baby, and says she misses me... She hasn't returned my phone calls this week, and I have made 3. Yet she texts me saying she will call me... I am just starting to wonder if there are any guys or girls on this forum who have seen this change in behavior. Should I wait this out until December when I see her again for break. and just take her word that she is too busy to call me? or do I need to get ready to start flirting and seeing new girls at my school? I feel like if she was into me, she would want to call...
Carenth Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 The only time I witnessed this behavior was when we were having a fight (we have only had one fight) and that only lasted about a week otherwise we have been in contact pretty much every day.
MlovesB Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Being that you are in somewhat of a "long distance relationship", it is key that you are constantly in contact with each other. I am in a LDR with my boyfriend of a year and 10 months. If we didn't talk everyday, a red flag would pop up. I wouldn't read THAT much into it... but I would talk to her about it, and how you feel. Remember that communication is key. I am in college as well so I know what you are going through. Hope this helps!
Ami1uwant Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Talking every day is crazy. What was the communication pattern before the past three weeks? Did something change in her schedule such as her working a PT job? Did she talk about difficulties in class? Is it posdble there is another guy...yep. There is no way to tell unless you go and surprise her.
Author texasbutter23 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 I don't expect to talk every day. Prior to 3 weeks ago, id say we would shoot each other a text every day, and perhaps talk on the phone every other day. I texted her today if she was seeing anyone else, and she said "no, and she doesn't have time anyway". I just think that if you are into someone, then you would find a way to squeeze 5 mins of your time to talk. She did start working a part time job 1 month ago at the library. So yes she is busy, yet want her to naturally desire to find time for me, I don't want to force/pester her too..
CherryT Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Well, I think it's crazy not to talk everyday if you're in a committed "exclusive" relationship... I'm not sure what the difference is between being exclusive and having a bf/gf relationship? Maybe, I'm just too old (mid to late 20's) where when we talk about exclusivity it means you are in a relationship and being able to call that other person your significant other. I'm in a LD relationship myself and my boyfriend and I both have fairly draining jobs. But we talk throughout the day through texts or quick phone calls and we definitely make sure we skype or video chat every few days. I think if you're in a LD relationship all you have is communication. You don't get to see that person at the end of the day and just sit on the sofa with them. No matter how busy we've gotten, we always make sure that at the very least, he's the first person I speak to in the morning and he's the last person I speak to at night (whether that's a call, text, or video chat)... Just like how we would be if we weren't long distance. I think you know she's starting be less interested and you just have to have a candid conversation with her to see where you are in this relationship. 2
HeavenOrHell Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Why is talking every day in an LDR crazy?! It's the only contact you have with them, except for when you visit them, which for most people is several months or weeks between visits, so of course people in LDR's want daily contact if possible, even if it's a 10 minute call, if you don't have frequent communication the r/ship will die. Talking every day is crazy. What was the communication pattern before the past three weeks? Did something change in her schedule such as her working a PT job? Did she talk about difficulties in class? Is it posdble there is another guy...yep. There is no way to tell unless you go and surprise her. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Most people in LDR's find the time to talk every day or most days, it's not too much to expect this. She's giving you mixed messages, I would tell her you need more communication, and if she's not able to give it, or doesn't want to, then walk away. I don't expect to talk every day. Prior to 3 weeks ago, id say we would shoot each other a text every day, and perhaps talk on the phone every other day. I texted her today if she was seeing anyone else, and she said "no, and she doesn't have time anyway". I just think that if you are into someone, then you would find a way to squeeze 5 mins of your time to talk. She did start working a part time job 1 month ago at the library. So yes she is busy, yet want her to naturally desire to find time for me, I don't want to force/pester her too..
justwhoiam Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 (edited) I was her first. I thought you meant first boyfriend, but reading on, I guess you meant she was a virgin before meeting you. We are mutually exclusive but didn't want the label or pressure of a relationship. You sound like a guy who's destined to be dumped. Trust me on this. The label thing is BS. When a girl agrees on that, she thinks she bought into it, but in the long run she will hardly keep such a relationship. Actually, it can't last long. She is going to college in Cali, I am in Texas. We are both applying to medical school and hope to get into the same state/region. We agree that if this happens, we would both want a serious relationship. So, basically you are not in a serious relationship, therefore you can't ask for anything. No matter what your idea of exclusivity is. I am a confident guy, very attractive, and very fit,and I have never had any insecurity with her. If you think that girls will choose you because of your good looks, you'll get girls that are into looks. That's what's in store for you, so be prepared. You might get shallow relationships and shallow girls. For example, I told her I am cool with her hanging out with her guy friends You think that reason will get you far. You sound quite cold to me. Trusting someone is good and a sign of maturity. But trying to remove your inner true feelings, insecurities (because you have them, just read what you wrote) or any inch of natural jealousy is stupid and backfiring. You put yourself in this situation. You want to give this image of yourself, but it's not your true self 100%. I guess few girls would be totally fine with someone who's that cold. I guess someone more passionate is more in demand, regardless of looks. You can wait until December when you will meet her up. And see together what you really want out of it. Edited November 3, 2012 by justwhoiam
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