PropertyChaser Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 (edited) I've got to vent on here anonymously. Preamble A few months ago I was seeing this really cool girl, a few months in, it became clear to me that it wasn't going to work. After a week of generally being dodgy (including bailing on plans, or being at a restaurant with her best friend and not inviting me in to say hi even though I was a block away, if anything saying it wasn't a good idea and trying to deter me from showing up), we were at a concert together, she ended up drinking a ton and being flakey the entire night. I ended up hanging with my buddies for most of the night while she and her best friend were off chatting with the VIP hosts, DJs, and their other friends. For the record, I have nothing against partying. I party like a rock star. But I've also never forgone other important parts of my life in order to facilitate partying either. For whatever reason, probably that I'm a few years older, and take my life very seriously, it didn't work out. I don't have time to chase people around that don't respect the fact they cause stress in my life. Frankly, I'm too busy for that. She kind of made me look like a goof in front of my friends by ditching me, and if that's what she's going to do while I'm around, I'd hate to see what she does with her best friend when they would go out without me (which was 2-3 times a week). To be honest, watching her be so disrespectful in front of me created an aura of paranoia around the situation - I didn't feel like I could trust her to make the "right" choices when it came to doing things that would negatively affect her relationship with me. What I learned following this night confirmed it, with a deluge of slutty pictures popping up on facebook, and her leaving my buddy hanging (she owed him a token about of money - and didn't pay it - it's the principle). Anyway - it ended. It sucked. I liked the girl. But she wanted to do things I didn't consider to be very cool, but I was under the impression that's what she wanted. That's fine - like I said I'm so busy I don't have time for anyone right now anyhow. Anyway, my friends, trying to put me in a better mood sent me pictures and updates as to how big of an idiot she was being to try and reassure me I was making the right choice. This ranged from them telling me about a picture she posted on Facebook flashing her ass at a concert, to a picture of her being an attention whore and making out with another chick and having it posted online, or my friends saying they were out partying and saw her trashed out of her mind, barely able to stand. I wasn't actively seeking out information about her. I have not initiated contact with her in almost 4 months. Here's where the story gets interesting I have an anonymous blog, I wrote an entry or two about how hearing about this stuff was very very very distressing to me, and how hard it was for me to know that I was such a bad judge in character and I brought up examples of these things that she was doing. Somehow, she found out about this. She posts on my blog accusing me of stalking her, signing onto my friends facebook accounts to see what she was up to, tracking down photos of her, whatever. She made a whole bunch of derogatory comments, accused me of being judgmental, tried to put me down, whatever. I sent her a screen shot from my iPhone showing one of our mutual friends sending me a text saying "Man you won't believe what so and so is saying on her facebook <insert childish, slutty facebook comment update>" and passed on the message "I'm not stalking you, your friends are sending me messages about what you're up to. I tried to chat with her - but she was being immature and petulant, and considering we were no longer seeing each other I no longer saw the benefit of trying to talk to her about it. What she wants to think is up to her. This was slightly over 4 weeks ago. Stalker? Pot calling kettle black. This is where I need help. My blog requires people to log in. She created one when she posted on my blog and it tracks when the person last accessed the site. Over the last few weeks she's been checking the site. Her last access date was two weeks ago. Where it gets trick is this. Last Monday a friend of mine, a very very attractive girl (but it's strictly platonic) received a text saying "Are you dating so and so's ex?" (or something to that effect, my friend wouldn't let me read the text). At first this didn't bother me, it's a pretty normal question. Then it dawned on me I should be really creeped out. Hardly anyone knows I'm friends with this other girl (only one of my friends has even met her)I was not friends with this other girl when I was dating that previous girl.Both myself and my friend's facebook are locked down - so no one should really know we're friends.I was specifically referred to as "so and so's ex" At first it didn't seem like a really big deal - then I realized that someone would have had to have a considerable amount of detective work to figure out this girl and I were friends and connect all the dots. Then, they went through the effort of contacting my friend. I'm willing to hazard a guess they didn't have positive intentions. Now I'm worried about my personal life. This sucks and I'm legitimately creeped out someone went through this much effort to investigate my personal life. End of rant. Edited October 30, 2012 by PropertyChaser
fremonde Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 she sounds like she wanted you around to have fun with/ show her a good time, but didnt want the work or confinement of a relationship. the fact that you dont pay her attention has her mad, so now she is going crazy and pursuing you! just keep ignoring her and stop even posting about her, she wants the attention. Congrats, you are one of the few her who moved on in time.
CC12 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Is your blog really anonymous? Like, really really? None of your friends know about it? If you do have any friends who know about your blog, then I wouldn't put it past one of them to alert her to what you wrote about her in a "lol PropertyChaser totally owned you go check it out" way, since they like telling you things about her in a "lol your ex is totally stupid check out what she did" way. Your friends obviously don't like her and they seem to enjoy talking **** about her so it would make sense that one of them might like to rub your blog post in her face. I doubt anyone would admit to doing it, though. If your blog is truly anonymous, then it's a little scary that she found it. But since she hasn't visited it in two weeks, at least you know she's not being obsessive about checking it. That should make you feel a little better, I hope. And as far as your lady friend getting that strange text, there are hundreds of ways your ex could have gotten the idea that you're spending time with her. Maybe your lady friend's friends know your ex's friends, or something. It might be very simple. And it might not have been your ex who sent the text. Tell your friend that you're a little worried about your ex invading your privacy and that it would be best if she ignored any questions about you. If I were in your shoes, I'd pretty much try to forget about these two instances, but I'd keep my eyes open for any more nonsense coming from the ex. If she keeps messing with your personal life, then something should be said or done about it.
Author PropertyChaser Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 (edited) Is your blog really anonymous? Like, really really? None of your friends know about it? If you do have any friends who know about your blog, then I wouldn't put it past one of them to alert her to what you wrote about her in a "lol PropertyChaser totally owned you go check it out" way, since they like telling you things about her in a "lol your ex is totally stupid check out what she did" way. Your friends obviously don't like her and they seem to enjoy talking **** about her so it would make sense that one of them might like to rub your blog post in her face. I doubt anyone would admit to doing it, though. If your blog is truly anonymous, then it's a little scary that she found it. But since she hasn't visited it in two weeks, at least you know she's not being obsessive about checking it. That should make you feel a little better, I hope. And as far as your lady friend getting that strange text, there are hundreds of ways your ex could have gotten the idea that you're spending time with her. Maybe your lady friend's friends know your ex's friends, or something. It might be very simple. And it might not have been your ex who sent the text. Tell your friend that you're a little worried about your ex invading your privacy and that it would be best if she ignored any questions about you. If I were in your shoes, I'd pretty much try to forget about these two instances, but I'd keep my eyes open for any more nonsense coming from the ex. If she keeps messing with your personal life, then something should be said or done about it. First of all yes they share some friends in common, but neither knows that I know the other. E.g. The girl I was seeing has no clue I know this other girl. Aside from getting one of her friends to creep on me somehow or do some snooping there is no way she knows I know this girl. Like I said, my closest friends haven't even met her or know of her. Second of all - I'm sure it wasn't the girl I was seeing who sent the text, again, is kind of creepy. I didn't meet many of the girls friends, so clearly she's been talking to a lot of other people about me. The reality is that this action required a certain level of activity on the girl I was seeing's part. Whether it be snooping around and seeing if I knew this girl, or generally making a ton of people I don't know aware of the situation in detail, or telling their mutual friend to text my friend. Yeah my blog is anonymous, I don't share it with my friends or anything. I know it wasn't my friends that pointed it out to her, and her response made her look like a total idiot. I think I'm creeped out about the amount of effort that was involved over something she made the decision to move on from. Her response to my blog post was literally two pages long. It was crazy. Honestly, I'm not going to do anything about it. I just needed to put this on paper somewhere and get it out. This has really creeped me out. Edited October 30, 2012 by PropertyChaser
CC12 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 her response made her look like a total idiot. That's always strangely gratifying, isn't it? To see an ex make an ass out of themselves because they can't control their emotions is pretty swell. And also kind of sad. It's great for you because you get to pity them while also feeling morally superior. That's pretty ****ed up what I just said, huh. Welp. Anyway, I'd feel really creeped out, too. I'm a very private person and I like to have my little personal safe spaces where I can be certain that nobody I know is going to be. I feel for you. How do you think she found your blog?
Author PropertyChaser Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 That's always strangely gratifying, isn't it? To see an ex make an ass out of themselves because they can't control their emotions is pretty swell. And also kind of sad. It's great for you because you get to pity them while also feeling morally superior. That's pretty ****ed up what I just said, huh. Welp. Anyway, I'd feel really creeped out, too. I'm a very private person and I like to have my little personal safe spaces where I can be certain that nobody I know is going to be. I feel for you. How do you think she found your blog? No clue, and I'm not going to spend a ton of time thinking about it. Yeah it was gratifying. My posts were a catharsis about the various emotions I was feeling and how I didn't understand how the situation unfolded the way it did and how it happened so quickly. They were the posts of a distressed person who was confused. Her response was vitriolic, immature, petulant, unrepentant, and clearly not the words of someone who had the maturity to deal with their actions in any sort of reputable fashion. Honestly, it made me feel good in some ways, bad in others. I would have rather the situation just have not happened at all. Unfortunately, I wasn't the sole decision maker in how this unfolded.
CC12 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I'm not going to spend a ton of time thinking about it. Smart. ___________
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