My love is too strong to walk away..

[madlyinlove]

How do you let go of someone that you still love with all your heart?

Some of you may already know my story. To recap, i just recently broke up with my g/f because she said she needed time and space. Now that i look back on the relationship i can see now that she was and is no good for me. My friends and family keep saying that they are glad that we broke up and that i can do so much better. The problem is that even though I tend to agree with them I find myself still thinkin about her all the time. I realised last night that i'm still very much in love with her and that i can still do or say something that will make it all better again.

 

When we were breaking up, she couldn't stop crying becasue she said she still loved me too and thought that i was such a great guy. She said that i was perfect for her but she wished that she had met me in 3yrs time when she wanted to settle down. She admits that there is this other guy who she is interested in but admitted that they fight alot and that he didn't understand her like i did.

 

i know I should let her go and I know that i should not contact her again. but the thing is i can't..I love her way too much and I can't stop thinkin about her.

 

Help me ....what should i do...what should i say to her.... is there anything i can do? when will this pain end?

[wolvie666]

A week ago I was in your shoes exactly, but you just have to be strong. I've been dealing with this crap all summer now and it was really getting the best of me, but I woke up the one day and decided that since there was nothing I could do about the current situation I might as well try my best to push it out of my mind and get on with my life. It has been a huge relief. That's not to say I'm feeling good, I wouldn't be here right now writing this if I felt good, but I am feeling better. I now realize that my ex-fiance (that's still weird to write) simply was not mature enough to devote everything to me and it will take her getting burned by the guy she is with now (and from all of the bad stuff I've been told about him, she will get burned) to realize that what we had was as real as it gets.

 

You simply cannot let the bad situation you're in run your life. We are not the first people to go through ugly break-ups and we will most certainly not be the last. Maybe what you guys had was the real deal (like how I feel about my relationship) and if it is meant to be you will find your way back to one another. But you must be aware of the fact that you can and will love again if you have lost her for good. The best thing you can do is pick your head up and try and press forward. Easier said then done, I realize, but I'm kinda sorta doing that right now. Get out with your buddies, find something you want to focus your energy on that won't remind you of her. I've managed to beat the temptation to call her that has been such a constant through all of this and I know you can do that too. Go put a profile up on myspace.com and meet some other people (not necessarily to date, it's just good to meet people, I have no interest in dating anybody right now, but I've meet lots of cool people that I wouldn't have been able to being in a relationship). People survive much worse than this. The girl was not ready to be with you and things were not going well. She was not treating you right. She may very well grow out of it and there is a very real possibility that you guys will get back together even if that may be a long ways off. You just have to accept it and move on like I'm having a fairly successful time doing. Something kept you two together all that time. That thing was not fake, it wasn't infatuation or lust, it was love... So there is hope, but I'm beginning to believe what I've been told that you can truly love more than one person in your life... As for me I still have hope that my love and I will reconcile someday, but I'm preparing myself for the alternative. You should too. You cannot do much to change your current situation so try and be positive and move on, be hopeful about the future, it's helping me.

[WantanS4]

Seems like there's a lot of this giong around this f-ing year of the locust (yeah, i blame them!).

 

Boy does it hurt. But what can you do but hope that someday she'll fix herself and come back to this place we like to call reality and realize what she had was probably the best thing that could have happened to her. I just don't get it................

 

As for my advice, MOVE ON. Gosh, there's soo much a person can do for another, but after a while we must realize that these people don't deserve us, and that SOLITUDE is a better companion.

 

I love her to death, just like you, and yes i get mad at her and i hate her at times... but it doesn't last... i always comeback to loving her. it's sad... yes.. it hurts... but look at it this way... you can be your own hero by biting the bullet.

 

 

What should you do... LEAVE IT ALONE.... WALK AWAY... and PRAY that maybe someday while your walking your own path... you'll run into someone that will love you the way you should be... or that she'll come to her senses and catch up to you.

 

 

That's what i've decided to do for myself. I'm tired of crying.. i'm tired of worrying.... .i'm soo tired of what has come to pass. Watch with my luck, she'll be reading this post as soon as i post it.

 

If you are... well...... COMEBACK, I love you and WE CAN WORK IT OUT!

[manofmystrey]

hey madlyinlove

 

The others are right it takes time. its been over for me since jan and it hurts alot but the only thing u can do i keep ur head up man. And just walk away the reason for that is that if she has told u there is another guy by tring to talk to her or pressure her u will force her more to the other guy.

 

U have done ur bit and there is nothing more that u can do. U have told her how u feel and she has told u what she wants. It sucks and it hurts and will u get better within the next few days wont happen.

 

Even though my ex hurt me real bad there is a part of me that still loves her that what makes us human.

 

Dont dewell on the past be excited about the future cause its a big world and u never know who is waiting for u thats what keeps me going every day. There were some days i just drank and cried and drank and cried where that get me no where. did it easy my pain no, did help me forget her no cause i was thinking about her and that is why i cried.

 

For 2 months i did nothing but think about her and why she did this to me how could she be so mean and heartless.

 

But keeps me going is this. "In order to gain something great we need to lose something good?"

[WantanS4]

Exactly... see... exactly.. it's been just over 2 months for me... and i've been thinking about it... and the more i realize that she doesn't deserve me and that I could do better. Yes I love her still... gosh i love her more than the next guy, but she doesn't want me... she says she doesn't know what she wants. Chances are, she's gotta go out and see what is REALLY out there and in EXPERIENCE life the hard way, before she comes running back to you and me. Yeah, you love them to the point where your think 'no... don't do that.. you don't need too..' but the honesty of it is that they do... they're not mature enough to realize what counts and what doesn't count. She always claims it was my fault we fought... it was my fought she cried and and got hurt (maybe a few times) but the truth of hte matter is that my GF wouldn't open up... she's one of those who shutsdown completely for 293784 hours before you get something out of her, and by that time she's 'forgot' what it was that bothered her. I don't need that... gosh... i was there for those 0347092384 try to console her and understand her... but no luck... it was always on her time. So... who's the immature one? She is. Who's the one that is at fault? She is. Who's the one who's lossing? She is. Who's the one who's gonna regret it? She is. Who's the one who will (if they're mature and smart enough) come running back with the I'm sorries and I love yous? She is. You've done all you can mate... don't do what I did and push it to the limit of no return (although somehow i have htis feeling inside of me that says i didn't quite quite ruin my chances.... i htink i might have shown JUST HOW MUCH I CARE! by pushing it soo far). My advice to you is let her go... is she comes back then CHA-CHING PARTY TIME ALL UP AND DOWN THAT MUTHER... if not... PARTY TIME ALL UP AND DOWN SOM'UTHER! You know you want her.... she doesn't know what the hell she wants..... Guys are better than girls

 

I've always said... the men make the women... and the women make the men. This time... she's trying to make you.... don't let that happen. I almost let it happen.. but last week I seriously told her "look... screw your head back on straight.. you have until sunday... if not.. i'm gone" and well..... guess what.... Sunday came and went and she didn't call or anything. I'm not gonna be a hypocrite to myself... I'm gonna keep going. If she wants me... she knows where i live and she knows my phone number. Only time will tell.. time sucks.. it takes forever to come around........ but in the meantime... take this time and get your GROOVE on with someone else. NO STRINGS ATTACHED!

 

You got it!?

[madlyinlove]

Thanks guys for your help... i know i should move on but something inside me tells me that its not really over and that it can still be fixed. Maybe its just a guy's inherit nature to want to fix something thats broken.

 

The last time i saw her, we talked for 4 hours about what she really wants. She admitted to me that she doesn't know what is happening to her and that she wants to slam her head against the wall because she gets so confused sometimes. She says that she still loves me and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. When i told her that she is choosing to go with a guy who doesn't love her and doesn't know what he wants except abit of sex and that she is walking away from a guy who absolutely loves her and adores her and will do anything for her...her eyes lit up and said she wanted to stay with me and not talk to this other guy. I couldn't believe it...she hugged me and we kissed and thanked me for clearing up her confusion. She sms'ed the other guy saying that she loved her bf (me) and that he should not call her or email her ever again. We hugged and kissed for the next hour or so before i left. Before i left though she asked me to promise her that i would not change my mind when i got home. I thought this was a strange request but i promised so she wouldn't worry.

 

The very next morning she started acting all silly again saying that she is confused and thought it was best that i leave because she is all screwed up. She told me that i deserve someone so much better. Then she broke it off. It was all such a shock after the night before.

 

So now i'm thinkin if i can get her to change her mind before... i can do it again.

 

I have been trying to move on... i'm hanging out with some close friends of mine, which helps alot. When i'm out and about i don't think about her that much and i feel myself getting better. What i hate the most though is late at night when no one is around and you're left with your memories and imagination. It just hurts so much...i don't get much sleep anymore.

 

I sent her an email yesterday telling her how much i missed her...and all the things that i llove about her and about all the special times we were together. Was this a good idea? I feel like i can still fix it somehow.

[Immortal]

"i know I should let her go and I know that i should not contact her again. but the thing is i can't..I love her way too much and I can't stop thinkin about her.

 

Help me ....what should i do...what should i say to her.... is there anything i can do? when will this pain end?"

 

 

Madly in love,

 

I feel you buddy, trust me, I know what you're going through.

 

My girlfriend and I broke up July 1. The whole month I had planned to serenade her on July 31 and magically win her back. I know that I havent' done anything wrong, and she knows that, but ultimately she needs to be single. her reason is that she can't have any commitments.

 

When I found out that she had been with a guy this past month, yeah it hurt me like no other. And this past weekend, she told me that she can't be with me...whereas 12 hours earlier we had gotten back together. Funny thing is, I kind of made her promise the same thing as well as you did.

 

And I know how you feel...that if you could convince her once, you can do it again. And maybe you can. But for right now, you need to let her see things on her own, and trying to pressure her will only push her to the other guy shes with. For me, I know I have to wait until college resumes in late September before I have a chance to push anything. You need to wait for your opportunity.

 

As far as the time in between is concerned, try to keep yourself busy. I know it's hard. You have no idea how many sleepless nights I have had this past month. I have taken so many sleeping pills. And every morning I wake up with a stomachache.

 

 

But hey, posting on this board was therapy for me, and I hope it's the same for you. Please keep us updated on your situation, and if you need ideas on what to do, contact me and I will do my best to help you. Strength lies in numbers.

 

 

Feel better, my friend.

[madlyinlove]

Originally posted by Immortal

...but ultimately she needs to be single. her reason is that she can't have any commitments.

 

When I found out that she had been with a guy this past month, yeah it hurt me like no other. And this past weekend, she told me that she can't be with me...whereas 12 hours earlier we had gotten back together. Funny thing is, I kind of made her promise the same thing as well as you did.

 

she told me a similar thing. she is in her final year of engineering at university and is under alot of stress. I helped her out alot last semester and she got the highest exam marks ever!! So i told her that i can help her this semester because i've been through uni too and know what stress is like. I told her that i can be there for her. But she said she didn't have time for me this semester and really just wanted to be single and concentrate on getting her project done and sorting out all the confusion and stuff in her head. She said she really wanted to be single to find herself and to become a stronger person.

 

I sort of agreed that maybe i should let her go so she can be single and sort things out. However the day after she broke up with me, she calls this guy and hooks up with him. She now calls him all the time and has phone sex with him. i hurts so much!! ...one second she was telling me she still loves me but wanted to be single for awhile and then the very next day runs into the arms of another man (so to speak because he is not in town at the moment).

 

It just doesn't make any sense. i'm going crazy just thinkin about it. its sooo painful.

[budd98]

Madlyinlove,

I am in the same shoes as you. My ex of 2.5 weeks has done exactly everything yours has and we dated for 3 years. We had broken up last summer for 2 months over the same crap. You know, wanting to be single, loves me but is'nt IN love with me, and all other junk like that. Then we got back together for another year and broke up again at about the same time again over the same reasons. This time, we did'nt talk for 2 weeks and I finally ran into her this weekend. Well, I wished I had'nt because I found out way to mouch from her. She went on several dates and actually slept with another man. Thats right, 5 days after we broke up she had sex with a stranger. Also this weekend she wanted to get back together in a way, but then she wanted to still be single. I spent the night with her and she told me that she see's us getting married and having kids together. Everything seemed like it was changing. I spent the night, but nothing happened except that she kept telling me that she loves me so much. Then when the morning came around, she was the opposite. Wants to date other people and blah blah blah. She told me that I can call her anytime I want to, but she wont call me because she does'nt want to bother me. It hurts really bad and I have been having so many bad nightmares these past 2 nights. It sucks knowing she has slept with someone else already. It sucks more that I still lover her over that. I am really going to try and move on with my life now and exclude her out of it. I will not call her again, I hope I am strong enough to do that. Sometimes I feel like spilling my heart to her again, but it only hurts me. She is only thinking of FUN right now and I need to get over her. I know I am a great guy and I know many girls are attracted to me, I just wish I could get rid of these feelings for my ex so I can give these other girls a chance. It is a HUGE struggle that I am trying to overcome right now. Do it to yourself as well, and DON'T contact her. It makes her feel more powerful and makes it SO MUCH easier for her. Let her go because with time, they will come back and if they don't, you will be happier. Trust me. I wish I never took her back again because it never changes. She still played the games.

[wolvie666]

Yeah... it's hard knowing that as I sit here right now the girl that I spent the last 6.5 years with is with another guy (and a guy who is a complete a**h*** at that) and probably had sex with him tonight. Here is my sweet girl, who is as close to me as anybody has ever been, she's as smart as can be, owns her own business, beautiful, talented, with so many different interests for some reason letting this dickface (his interests? his broke down Honda, smoking weed, getting drunk, picking fights, and that's about it) have sex with her and going around saying that she loves him... It's complete nonsense...

 

I want her to snap out of it so bad because she's being so friggin' immature, and I know she still doesn't know what she wants for her future because she called me yesterday morning like she was desperate to talk to me (she told me before he forbid her to even mention me). As well as I feel I'm dealing with this it still hurts because of how she's messing up her life so bad... Everybody but her can see this guy is using her... But now I'm getting mad thinking about how stupid she's being so screw her, I'm better than this and when she looks around and it's just her and him and her future is him and his alcoholic buddies she will feel so stupid.

 

It's almost like she wants me to be down and out over this the way she talks to me... Cause she still thinks she might want to be with me when she gets sick of the partying, but that's not fair at all! She's so selfish and immature that I can't stand the thought of it, I never thought she could be this way... So many god damn emotions I go through over this... Sometimes I'll laugh and say that it's so dumb and that I deserve better, but then I have these dreams about her everynight and wake up feeling like crap... Then I'll curse her name call her a slut, but then I repeatedly check my cell phone to see if she called... I was looking forward to this summer all year... why the hell did she have to ruin it? We had these big vacation plans, all she does with this loser is sit around his house or go to local hole in the wall bars. I used to take her everywhere to do everything. This guy doesn't even have a license... She'll learn I guess, but for now this guy is having her way with her... I've had offers to go out with other girls in this time and I've turned them down... Maybe it's time for me to go out with somebody else and quit worrying about the lame existance my ex is living.

[rayyne]

One Person Always Loves more Than the Other!!!!!!

 

It is a Fact of Life!!!!!

 

So You decide, which person you want to be!!

 

Also, Don't forget >>>>>>>>>>> You always want WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE!!!!!!!!

 

Does she know that you will "always" be there.........and "no other girl can take her place"????

 

Get smart..............and try using reverse psychology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Take it from a female........................because I have definitely been on both sides of the fence. IF you notice..when you stop paying attention to her...................and start dating other girls----(even if you are still attracted to her) Dont tell her that-------------make her insecure about your feelings for her............and keep it that way for A LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! That is the only way to get a person to fall back in love with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Dont Give in-------------whatever you do..............play the game for about a year and you will see!!!

[kellydontwanttasleep]

just a little advice guys IMHO guys that are big pussys are a real turn off

[popvix]

The best way to get over the problem is to fall OUT of love with your ex.

 

I cant really go over it in detail in one post but i have an excellent book "how to mend your broken heart" by Paul Mckenna which goes over loads of techniques that will allow you to leave your old relationship behind and cope with the emotions your going through.

 

From what youve said, you and this girl might have been in love on some levels - but you broke up for some pretty large reasons of fundamental differences between you both. On the basis of this, it was meant to be and the sad truth is that all the good that was in your relationship isnt enough to overcome this (i was told i was 98% perfect but she had to leave me to seek the other 2%... go figure)

 

In your rational mind, you know the relationship has ended - now you need to find a way to deal with your irrational and compulsive thoughts, enough to let you move on.

 

Seriously, look for a good book or info source on the subject... it will help MASSIVELY.

 

Good luck!

[popvix]

As much as what she just said was rude and pretty un sympathetic .... it is of course.... true unfortunately.

 

Maybe not the time or the place, but lets face it - women arent attracted to emotional guys in the dating game eh.

[wolvie666]

If any of the other guys are like me... listen is the only place that I use as an emotional outlet. It's not like I'm crying around after my ex, I don't even talk to her. Yes I talk to some close friends about it, but the majority of it is, "she's an idiot, screw her..." type of talk. I don't think being broken up over the end of a 7 year relationship makes me a pussy. Though, I do agree that being a pathetic blubbering fool is not good for anybody and isn't going to win you any new friends (let alone attract any women) at times like this... But I know better than to be that way and to be honest the girl is not worth it right now. Maybe, the guy she's dating now is what girls like... Lives with his grandmother, doesn't have a driver''s license, smokes a lot of weed, drinks everynight, picks a lot of fights with people. He's no pussy, right? No, he's a friggin loser and I'm way better than he is and that idiot ex of mine is gonna figure that out pretty soon.

[Immortal]

May be hopelessly idealistic...but I see it that every person has a soulmate out there. Yet sometimes we don't end up with them.

 

And if you are the girl you are dying over are meant to be together, then it will be happen in the future. But until then, you have to try your best to move on and experience other things and other people in life. If you are on summer vacation like a lot of us are, it's a lot harder to meet people and to build relationships. But if you go to school, once it resumes, you'll find that the pain is much more bearable (at least I hope it is).

 

What kills me the most is knowing that while I'm sitting here, miserable, pining away at this girl, she's out there partying, casually dating and hooking up, and having an unrestricted and fun time. And I say this to myself and to all the other guys in this thread, it's not healthy to sit here and wait for her to come back to her senses. As much as being with her makes us all happy, we must hold ourselves to a certain level of dignity and try our best to move on.

 

It is obvious that the ex-girlfriends mentioned in this thread do not deserve the guys. Yet the best you can do for right now, is try your hardest to move on, at least for a few months, and make this girl miss you and want you.

 

For me, my ex girlfriend is going abroad from January - May of 2005 so I know that my best chances of reuniting with her are when she comes back. And yeah, 9 months is a long time...but life goes on. And hopefully as time passes, each and everyone of us will find someone that loves us the way we deserve to be loved.

 

 

I've often heard that love is the most powerful emotion on this planet....yet I believe now that it's also the most devastating. It makes us who we are, but it also breaks the strongest of men.

[WantanS4]

I agree with Immortal!

 

I finally ended up leaving her a message saying that she didn't deserve me and that she didn't know what she had lost or who the hell she was. I'm sure it hurt her and pissed her off and made things worse, but in the end, if she comes to her senses she'll realize that I'm about the only person on this planet that REALLY REALLY cares for her and is not affraid to tell her the truth, unclouded. Am I crying? Not anymore because now I look at it as a win/win situation. She wasn't perfect, and in some ways that was a perfection in itself, BUT..... I now have the freedom to do anything and everything I want with whoever. If she comes back, she can't hold anything against me, but things will be on my terms and utimately my choice. Hopefully by that time I will either be invovled beyond the point of return, or in between prospects.

 

So.. all in all... we know what we have to offer... we know what we want (at least I do)... and well.... I'm kinda happy for the next one in line cause she's literally (if she knows what she wants and is mature) is going to hit the freakin' lottery! The only way to lose here is if you hold on....

 

But again... with my luck... just posting this... has absolutely demolished my chances of her coming back.... too bad.... I really enjoyed our time.

[stupidguy]

I know from past experience that reminding a girl who wants to break up WHY she should love you can really backfire on you bad.

Believe me, they know you love em, and would move mountains for em. Thats part of the problem.

And most times if they take you back, they will leave again.

Its called BEING USED.

I just got off that merry go round, cause I was a stupidguy.

I promised myself a few days ago that wont be used again, no contact, nothing.

Hurt? yea like hell, bad.

But it passes, it always does.

There's gotta be someone out there for us all.

your not alone.

 

Keep on truckin.

 

JL aka stupidguy