Venom114 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I was with my ex girlfriend for 5 years 9 months and 5 days..until she left me on the 19th of this past September. We had been together from junior high all through high school and for about 2 years after high school. She said she wanted to find herself and she thought we got together at a really young age, we never really grew up. Later she admitted to not being in love with me for the past 7 months but didn't know how to tell me.. Well I would call her very other night for the first two weeks and occasionally beg her to take me back, telling her I'd do anything (because I would, and still will), up until she got mad and told me to "let her live her life" and to basically leave her alone. So about 3 days after that (October 5th) I gathered all my feelings, I called her and told her that I didn't agree with her decision but I respected it, and I'd leave her alone. So I did, I broke all contact, never called/texted/emailed etc. after i told her that. So a few weeks pass, and she called me last night (October 28th) balling and crying saying she messed up her email and was having a nervous breakdown over it, I was the first person she could think to call, she didn't want to hurt me, she said she just wanted to hear me say "it's gonna be ok" (I think it was an excuse to call me but I'm not sure..) anyways, we talked for about 4 1/2 hours about everything (feelings and all) she told me she missed me being around, my touch, my feel, just my presents in general...but what threw me off was that she still doesn't want me back, she said she didn't want me completely out of her life, she still wants me there but she doesn't want a relationship right now, when I asked if her and I would ever have a chance again, she said "maybe" but not anytime soon, she just wants to "let it happen and see where life takes it". Well we got off the phone and then she called this morning asking me a question about her phone and eventually admitted to using that as an excuse to call me.. We sort of agreed to be on talking terms and agreed that we could call each other and talk.. I've worked so hard at getting to where I am, being able to go days without crying, and force her away from my heart, being able to ignore thoughts of her for the most part.. But after she called last night..I feel like I'm starting from day 1 all over again. And now Idk what any of this means..I'm so lost, I'm devastated, I'm in love with a girl that's not in love with me, I just need help, this girl is everything to me, i spent my entire teenage life with her and id spend the rest of my life with her if she would return the feelings.. idk what I can possibly do or what anything means right now.. Would it be better if I told her we shouldn't talk and broke contact again? Or is this her slowly wanting me back and me breaking contact might ruin that? Please, any input would be appreciated.. Idk what to do. And if you read the entire thing, I thank you for taking the time to read it and possibly help me.. So thank you.
Dazed_Confused1989 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Hey dude, Like my ex, she seems to have made a pretty clear decision for now. Being in contact hurts the healing process: you can't heal a burn with fire. She is a source of pain for you right now. As comfortable as it sounds to hear her voice, I think it may be best for you to cut contact for now, seeing as she does not want a relationship. Let her miss you. Others here may have different opinions. Life takes odd turns - but right now, take some time to work on yourself. Go workout, pick up a hobby, stay busy with work.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 She wants to use you to heal herself. Don't let her.
Author Venom114 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 Yeah I posted on your thread actually. And I just don't know if I can break contact again. It took every ounce of mental strength I had to do it last time...idk how the hell I'm gonna do it again..
Author Venom114 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 She said she feels bad for hurting me, but other than that, she doesn't regret her decision at all. She feels she made the right choice (her words)..so am I just wasting time dreaming that this may work out? Because if me talking to her isn't gonna get her back to me, idk if I wanna do this, I can't just be friends after almost 6 years straight with no breaks or break-ups. This is our first break of any sort actually.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Yes, she wants you to forgive her because she feels bad about hurting you and once you do that, she'll be healed and ready to move on. You are being used as an emotional crutch -- no more, no less. You need to move on until you can talk to her without all of the emotions bubbling to the surface. Until you don't really care if you talk to her or if you don't.
Dazed_Confused1989 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Ditto. NC serves the primary purpose of healing yourself. But it may help her realize what she has let go. By staying in contact, these two things will not happen.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Like myself most people don't listen to advice here. They ask, hear the priceless information and chose not to listen "my situation is different, I'm special". Keep in contact if you want but it won't end well, really won't. It didn't for me, only delayed the process. All your doing is jumping on a emotional roller coaster that she's in charge of and that she will end. You have no control over her, only yourself. 1
Author Venom114 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 I'm taking your advice, I'm gonna talk to her tonight and tell her that we can't talk just yet. I'm not ready to be her friend. If I can't have her be with me, then she can't have me as a friend..I'm sticking to that. I just need the support to keep it up.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I've wrote this several times too. If you love someone, if you want to be with someone the rest of your life and don't want anyone else, you won't let that person go. One thing I've learned is "I need time/space/a break" = "I want you to help me while I leave you, ease the process for me". Don't call/talk to her, just disappear. You don't owe her anything anymore. Read the "For Me" link in my signature. That should give you perspective.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I'm taking your advice, I'm gonna talk to her tonight and tell her that we can't talk just yet. I'm not ready to be her friend. If I can't have her be with me, then she can't have me as a friend..I'm sticking to that. I just need the support to keep it up. Don't even do that. Just don't talk to her. If she calls you, just don't pick up. Don't call her. You don't owe her a thing.
Author Venom114 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 The only question I have is, what if she's starting to talk to me because she does realize what she lost? And if I blow her off, then I loose my chance at showing that I care..if that made any sense
Simon Phoenix Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 The only question I have is, what if she's starting to talk to me because she does realize what she lost? And if I blow her off, then I loose my chance at showing that I care..if that made any sense If she's saying that she doesn't want a relationship, she's not there yet. Not a legitimate concern at this time for you.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 The only question I have is, what if she's starting to talk to me because she does realize what she lost? And if I blow her off, then I loose my chance at showing that I care..if that made any sense Ahhh the mind, it's a beautiful thing. You don't listen to what she says but instead read between the lines, create scenarios, twist reality, play the "what if" game. Contact her let this thing run its course. Let me tell you my story. I never contacted my ex but gave in when she wanted to see me. She called/texted (2 weeks ago today) "I miss you, I want to see you". She left my house the next day and texted me "I should've never slept with you, I'm with someone else." This is the course I'm talking about. She never said I want you back/leaving you was a mistake. It's all breadcrumbs. I didn't listen to what she was saying, I read between the lines. Contact does no good unless they truly want you back.
Author Venom114 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 Ok then I'll stick to my guns. I just told her to stop calling, and I plan on sticking to it, just like I did when I told her goodbye on October 5th and kept from calling/texting her all this time. I can do it again. But your support is much appreciated "NavyAirTraffic," sounds like she's just messing with your head to be honest...
Recommended Posts