licilu Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Hey guys I need some outside advice I have nobody to talk to about this! I'm a 28 year old, good looking woman, I met my boyfriend online 2 months ago, he's 33 6'9 (tall) and good looking, he told me he was an illegal immigrant, he had no car, no job, no money, and he was sleeping on his friends couch. He was about to turn himself in to immigration and go back to turkey b/c the only way he could get citizenship was to marry and he just couldnt find the right girl (he wouldn't just settle). I didn't judge him for any of these things, I had just moved to the area and I didn't know anyone at all I was very alone so I felt that having the company around would be nice, and hes tall and attractive so why not? We started dating and immediately I let him stay with me and we've been together ever since (2 months), we both claim to be in love with one another. But I find myself constantly fighting with him about things that bother me. For example, I have a very high sex drive, sometime he goes 3-5 days without wanting to have sex. I would like sex every day or every other day at least, he says I am obsessed with sex and need to put my mind on other things other then sex and leave him alone and when he's ready to have sex he will. secondly, he never makes the first move, not even if he has an erection, he just sits there and waits for me to touch him, thirdly, theres no foreplay other then me giving him head, he says he DOESN'T eat girls out, he doesn't like to do it. Well that's my favorite thing on the planet! This makes me very upset, so I fight with him, sometimes he tries to do it but I can tell he doesn't want to so it feel forced and doesn't turn me on at all. He says I should just respect that he doesn't like to do that and stop trying to force him. ok but what about what I want? another thing, his personal hygeine... sometimes he goes all day and night without changing his clothes or showering or brushing his teeth! This drives me crazy because I am a germaphobe I like men that look and smell fresh. I am constantly asking him from the moment we wake up to please take a shower and brush his teeth, and sometimes he still won't. I feel like I am living with a teenager! another thing, I just lost 70 pounds I was really fat, now I am curvy not fat not skinny, I still have another 40 pounds to lose till I get to goal, but when we met he didn't know I used to be fat or that I wanted to lose more weight so he met me the way I was. well now that I told him he's constantly commenting on what i eat, and that I need to go excresize and he wants to see me fit and blah blah, 2 of his exes are models and rail thin, this makes me feel like ****. another thing: He has a very sexual past and it bothers me, he says he used to be a huge player but now he wants to settle down with just one girl, he has been with over 100 women and loves threesomes, anal, swinging, etc.... he asked me if im into girls and he'd love to see me with one, this makes me very uncomfortable and now I wonder if I'm enough for him. I am a very jealous person and this has made me even more so! also, Music is a huge passion for me ever since I was a child, and he hates all the types of music that I love, so I never listen to my music anymore because we're always together and he complains. I feel like part of me is missing and music is also a huge way that I connect with people it evokes a mood, a bond and emotion and when in love I feel music is an important thing to connect to.. .am I wrong? we are comfortable with each other, we do have moments of happiness, we kid around a lot, when we do fight we make up really easily with no grudges, we are supposedly in love, we do care about each other, we are both good people........... but all of these things feel wrong to me and I feel like there might be someone out there that matches me better and is more compatible with me that I would be happier with... here is the kicker: If I break up with him he has nowhere to go but to turn himself in to turkey where he would have to immediately inlist in the army and turkey is at war right now things are really bad over there and I would never see him again. So I feel horrible about this and talk myself into working things out... but I don't know if I'm making a mistake or not... what do you guys think? I have self esteem issues from when I was really big and this is my first relationship since I lost weight, no man ever wanted me before and I'm afraid if I let him go I will be stuck alone again!
nvmx-5 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 It seems like you know you're an attractive women, congrats on losing the weight. I know how it feels like being "big" but the thing is someone out there will see you for who you are and enjoy the same things you do. You seem like you have a lot going for you and he doesn't. You're not the man's only walking stick, He has places to go but you're the most convenient out of all of them. Know your worth because you might sell yourself short.
KatZee Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 theres no foreplay other then me giving him head, he says he DOESN'T eat girls out, he doesn't like to do it. Well that's my favorite thing on the planet! This makes me very upset, so I fight with him, sometimes he tries to do it but I can tell he doesn't want to so it feel forced and doesn't turn me on at all. He says I should just respect that he doesn't like to do that and stop trying to force him. ok but what about what I want? He's selfish. My ex did this exact same thing. There was no foreplay ever. He always was like, "Oh I was traumatized by going down on girls in the past so I don't like doing it." It was ridiculous. Whenever he tried it was obvious he didn't like doing it, so it wasn't even fun for me. Watch out for this, because if he's sexually selfish there are absolutely other aspects in his life that he will be selfish about. My ex turned out to be extremely selfish. He always came first, everything and anything came before me. It was always what HE wanted and HE needed. another thing, his personal hygeine... sometimes he goes all day and night without changing his clothes or showering or brushing his teeth! This drives me crazy because I am a germaphobe I like men that look and smell fresh. I am constantly asking him from the moment we wake up to please take a shower and brush his teeth, and sometimes he still won't. I feel like I am living with a teenager! This is just disgusting. I'm the same way, I'm always clean, and dressed well. Personal hygiene shows me that you care about yourself and have pride in yourself. One of my exes was dirty like this and he grossed me out all the time. It was one of the top reasons why I left him. I never even wanted to kiss him or have sex, he was always disgusting with no hygiene. well now that I told him he's constantly commenting on what i eat, and that I need to go excresize and he wants to see me fit and blah blah, 2 of his exes are models and rail thin, this makes me feel like ****. Oh OK, so he's allowed to sit on the couch while he smells, dirty, dirty clothes, bad breath, food in his teeth, scummy, and he won't move for you, but he has the right to tell you to go exercise and wants to see you fit? Hypocrite much? we are comfortable with each other, we do have moments of happiness, we kid around a lot, when we do fight we make up really easily with no grudges, we are supposedly in love... If I break up with him he has nowhere to go but to turn himself in to turkey where he would have to immediately inlist in the army and turkey is at war right now things are really bad over there and I would never see him again. Why on earth at only TWO MONTHS in do you only have "moments" of happiness? The first year or longer is the honeymoon when EVERYTHING is wonderful. If you're having so many fights, and all this drama and only "moments" of happiness, this is not a good relationship. And if you have to say "we are supposedly in love" then you're not in love, and you know it. How can you possibly say you're "in love" with someone you've known for 60 days? Who puts you down? Who's a dirty slob? Who is so sexually dirty, yet so sexually selfish at the same time? Honestly, I feel like you'd marry this guy, he'd get his green card, and you'd never see him again. I don't think he loves you for you at all. You're a pass into the country. And feeling sorry for him that he'd be deported isn't a reason to stay with someone.
pteromom Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 he says he DOESN'T eat girls out, he doesn't like to do it. Well that's my favorite thing on the planet! This makes me very upset, so I fight with him, sometimes he tries to do it but I can tell he doesn't want to so it feel forced and doesn't turn me on at all. He says I should just respect that he doesn't like to do that and stop trying to force him. ok but what about what I want? Everything else aside, this alone is reason to move on. Neither of you is right or wrong, but you are VERY sexually incompatible. He is never gonna love giving you oral, and it will be a constant fight forever. It's been 2 months. Just move on. What happens to HIM when you break it off is his to deal with. You are really gonna spend the rest of your life being sexually unsatisfied because you are afraid of being alone?
21flames Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 You have absouloply nothing in common for a start, so how is it every going to work??? And sounds like a sh*t of a man, if he even deserves to be called a man, more like a dirty animal. Time to kick that dog out!
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