comeon Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 This is complicated, at least for me it is. Going to try and summarize this odd relationship. I'm happily married with 3 kids for 20 years now. I'm 44. Relatively young at heart and in the best shape of my life. I've known this younger woman, 30, for over a year now. My hairdresser, don't judge yet please. She's always been awesome and we have tons and tons in common. I'll admit she is very attractive also. But I just thought she had the most positive energy, smart, good person all around. This past year I've had a lot of external stressors and she's always kinda been there. Let's just say there was something extra the whole time but nothing more than hair cuts until August this year. I sent her a nicely worded letter and friendly flowers... letter was about how great I thought she was, and she is, and how I'm happily married and feel lucky to have so much good in my life and I'd be there if she ever needed. Honestly, I really did care for her but didn't really think I was headed anywhere bad. Stupid now. In my line of work I have so many attractive women cross my paths and because of things like money etc... have had many opportunities to have affairs, flings, or whatever I wanted. But never have I cheated on my wife or had even an emotional affair. No interest and my wife and kids are awesome. Wasn't looking for anything. I told her she should bring some friends and see my work and what we do... and she was excited about that. Still in August. I told her to watch this certain movie and because I gave her my email she texted me a pic of them movie and how it was odd that it came the same day I went for my haircut. OOOPS. I, of course, texted her back from my phone and said something like awesome, hope you love it. Well, we started texting sh*t at that point. I loved the attention but didn't see what was happening to me. She was, I think, infatuated with me and I with her. I'm way understating the connection we had but it was there and deep. September now... I already thought she was one of the most energetic and just all around good people. We connected on so many levels. This is hindsight talking but I thought I had this well in control and we were just "odd" friends. Of course, my wife knew nothing of this. I think I told her how great I thought she was a cpl times but I was ignoring the simple rules if I'm being totally honest. No way my wife would like that sh*t. I texted her that I had this small gift for her and she said we should do lunch. I said nah, I'll just drop it off... she said no lets do lunch. We did... first meeting... it was awesome I gave her a little movie ticket pack for her favorite movie that was coming out that week... for her and someone else. Again to be honest... I think I remember saying something cheesy like "if you take a dude I'll be jealous" Oooops again. she gave me a homemade pastry and tea her mom and her made... nice Ok late september it was my birthday. At this point, we're texting a few days a week. All really nice stuff. lots of connections and cool things going back and forth. Not sure if anyone will "get it" but it was f*cking clicking. I'm still thinking nothing of it. In total control. So I decide to do this go see a concert a day, different genre each night, for my birthday week. I do this kinda stuff all the time... I'm restless and always travel or do very impulsive things. I like having fun. With family, friends, whomever. Told her about it... we both love music. she says she's going to one of the shows. I said cool and maybe I'd see her there. Ooops again. honestly I was damned well looking for it but rationalized it all. The night before she texted me the most awesome things. About how she's glad I'm in her life and other things and couldn't wait for the show. She actually asked who I was going with... I said co-workers and she said great cuz she wanted to 'hang" with me. The odd thing was that I thought I was gonna try to hook her up with one of my single co-workers. wtf... so stupid in hindsight. both of us kidding ourselves. We had a great time just hanging out. A little hugging but nothing too bad. She gave be a birthday present at the end of the show... bottle of gin. I thought that was nice. Again, honestly, in hindsight, I've got the fancy car in the prime valet spot after show and I buy all the drinks... :/ for me this is normal but I have to imagine it didn't help her not be more attracted to me. Now I really did have strong feeling for her. Not just physical. Can't make that point enough, we were soooo on the same page it seemed. I told her a few times that I thought she'd find an awesome guy and he wouldn't like me so this likely wouldn't last but I appreciate her. She would say, that may happen but I don't want you out of my life and other things along those lines. Pretty cool I'm thinking. Look at me being all adult and making it about her. sigh. so more texting... not everyday... some emails... all great... she helped me pick out some glasses at somepoint... had fun... thought that was appropriate for my stylist? ooops. Then early october we decide to go get a beer... big ooooops... Yeah, judge away, I wanted to, thought I could keep it at a reasonable distance and that I was in full control. We went, it was great, dropped her off, she gave me a closed lip kiss and nice hug. If you don't think I wanted more, much more, you're so wrong. At this point I was amazed that I resisted getting physical. I think it was cool we both resisted because she was down I'm sure. Oh I need to mention that i offered to send her and a friend to california for a week so she could check out things there because she, like me, hates this town. I begged her to let me do it because it would make me happy. No strings attached and told her not to thank me because it's easy for me and I didn't want it to seem like I was buying her affection... ooooops again Ok, the sad ending... this is much easier because it's been 3 weeks now. Monday we got drinks, The next day nothing. I emailed the tuesday saying thanks for the time and hope she's well. Nothing, I thought that was odd. next day I text her and kinda felt odd that I hadn't heard anything. She texts back "I'm in trouble, I hurt someones feelings real bad, can't talk tonight, don't text back" and I was really confused and worried that she might be in trouble. Thursday I send an email asking if things are ok. nothing, send one more on Firday and she sends a No Subject email back with "My boyfriend saw the texts between us and it hurt him real bad, I don't want to lose him, I can't talk to you anymore" boyfriend!! wtf I didn't know she had one but felt so horrible that I hurt her and possibly her relationship with someone she carried for. Some might be saying... ok that ended fairly well and could have gone to really bad places. But here's the thing. I was seriously f*cked up after it ended... then it all started hitting me. I was in love with her big time and I really care for her and can't stand that it's over. I wish I could have just undone those cpl months of going too far and just go back to seeing her every cpl months for a damned haircut. sigh... I have to imagine this won't be received well here and that it won't be understood. I know I'm not really painting the correct picture of how much of a powerful connection I had with her and how I really cared for her as a human being. I see now that I was in very deep but it didn't seem that way until it was over. Really wanted to help her and just see where she goes with her life. Sucks... still really sad about hurting her and that I can't be her friend or at least client. I know time will heal, and it already has, but to be perfectly honest I don't want to be done. I don't need to go back to where we were but is there any shot I have to just be a friend?? I know now where I was and what was going on so I think I'm in good shape to be her friend. I understand from her point by doing that with her boyfriend it's probably not in the cards for her now? I have no jealousy towards the boyfriend... I'm happy she has someone but I think this just sucks and am having a hard time getting passed it. I have the greatest people around me, wife, kids, friends, and I'm still feeling so selfish about wanting her in my life. As f*cked up as that sounds it's where I am. I just wish she knew I didn't need that other stuff and that I'm here as a friend... love the memory but don't want her to have made me into a villain or to have forgotten the good stuff because of how it ended. I'm steeling myself for the responses here... be gentle...
CptSaveAho Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 should have had sex with her.... sucks being a "nice guy"
KatZee Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 but is there any shot I have to just be a friend?? I know now where I was and what was going on so I think I'm in good shape to be her friend. ????? Who are you trying to fool here? You already admitted you're in love with her. You're THISCLOSE to having a full out physical affair. You've already crossed the emotional affair line. I truly don't think you're aware of what you have right in front of you. Faithful wife and kids. shame. 2
kamani Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I agree. You've crossed the emotional affair line. You've narrowly escaped adultery, thanks to the holiday! In my perosnal experience no friendship is possible, once you get romantic feelings towards each other. This has already done enough to you. It has created emotional distance between you and your family. I'm happy, she decided to end it. Even an emotional affair can ruin both of your lives and families. It's painful, I understand. But it can be done. Just now you want to be friends with her, because of these romatic feelings and you are not prepared to lose her in your life. This is natural. You should select between what you want, her or your family. I'm sure you don't want to lose your wife. Try your best to stay NC with her. If you feel the urge, post here, don't contact her! Be happy it ended this way. 1
oracle Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Suck it up. A little pain will do you good I guarantee you its nothing... NOTHING... N-O-T-H-I-N-G compared to what it would feel like if you got busted by your wife and was just about to loose everything you worked towards for 20years. You are idealizing something that was not a feasible option for you. We always WANT and GLORIFY what we can't have. Read my thread pinned at the top of the section, hopefully some of it will get thru to you before you mess up again and get caught.
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