LittleDragon456 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 We dated 4 months, long distance relationship. He had odd sexual fetishes that were just too weird and disturbing, he wasn't open about his feelings toward me, never complimented me, I always had to make conversation even though I am incredibly shy, and he wanted me to be the dominate one in the relationship. I am old fashioned and feel like it's his job as the guy to be in charge. I broke up with him about a month ago, and I have a new boyfriend who is a little bit older. He is very affectionate with me and he makes me feel so special, something that my ex never really did. My ex is not a bad guy, but he never made me feel all "lovey dovey" I guess you could say. I broke up with my ex because I was unhappy with our relationship, it was like an old married couple and I had my eyes set on another guy, but I told my ex the reason I broke up with him was for the long distance. Just to make him feel better and not hurt as much. And now he is so depressed about it, I saw a status on his profile that said "I literally don't have any meaning for living anymore without her... (Depressed)" He never really acted liked he truly cared for me when we were together. So why is he acting like this now? Should I feel guilty? Should I talk to him?
Madman81 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 This may sound harsh, but I think you should unfriend him. Given the apparent bitterness, continuing to have contact with him (even on FB) is probably not helping anything. Sometimes you have to be "cruel" to be kind. After all... it was a few months. You weren't married. He's a grown man, and he will get over it. But phoning him or continuing communication with him will only keep him locked in the past. 3
Chi townD Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) I agree, you need to block him on Facebook or tell him the truth (that you were interested in someone else.) Because, sooner or later, either one of your friends is going to make a comment about your new guy or you're going to be tagged in a photo with you and your new guy and sh*t is gonna hit the fan. Then you're going to have to lie some more. i.e. "He wasn't the reason we broke up" or "I didn't start dating until after we broke up." (yet you were interested in him prior to your break up, which means he was the reason for your break up). So, just block him and let him find his way. It was only four months and he'll find someone that will make him happy again one day. Edited October 29, 2012 by Chi townD
todreaminblue Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 We dated 4 months, long distance relationship. He had odd sexual fetishes that were just too weird and disturbing, he wasn't open about his feelings toward me, never complimented me, I always had to make conversation even though I am incredibly shy, and he wanted me to be the dominate one in the relationship. I am old fashioned and feel like it's his job as the guy to be in charge. I broke up with him about a month ago, and I have a new boyfriend who is a little bit older. He is very affectionate with me and he makes me feel so special, something that my ex never really did. My ex is not a bad guy, but he never made me feel all "lovey dovey" I guess you could say. I broke up with my ex because I was unhappy with our relationship, it was like an old married couple and I had my eyes set on another guy, but I told my ex the reason I broke up with him was for the long distance. Just to make him feel better and not hurt as much. And now he is so depressed about it, I saw a status on his profile that said "I literally don't have any meaning for living anymore without her... (Depressed)" He never really acted liked he truly cared for me when we were together. So why is he acting like this now? Should I feel guilty? Should I talk to him? It is a case of women always look so good when they are walking away to another destination....the reason for this is he is looking at your butt sway ......and finding you and your butt attractive......you have a spring in your step and he is using manipulation to slow your step down..you are probably feeling guilt too because you were dishonest...honesty is best because he may resent you for it but that is a process of healing...so come clean and then unfriend him to avoid th ebacklash of lying.......walk faster enjoy the view, unfriend him and let him move on with his life...you left.....dont walk backwards it isnt attractive......best wishes in your journey.....deb
Nik1 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) This sounds somewhat similar to what I believe my ex thought about me when we broke up, but it wasn't long distance (was at the start). The series of events that lead to our break up started with us at a party, I went to talk to her and she seemed distant and said stuff like she felt I wasn't sexually attracted to her anymore (which I wasn't). I was very affectionate with her and we usually had great sex (or at least that's what she said when we broke up), but deep down, I wasn't really attracted to her anymore (Not my fault, she weighed more than me (and I ain't skinny), she had IBS and a snubbed nose). And even though I loved her, I didn't respect her or cherish her like she wanted. And like your ex, I also have some weird sexual fetishes. This girl actually did stuff to me I didn't think possible in real life. The point I'm trying to make is: your ex is an immature jerk who only cares about himself. That whole thing about life being meaningless without you, that's just a cry for help. Trust me, I've been doing it for the past two months. He needs to pick himself. He's lonely and thinks he won't get anything else (I mean, you were only together long-distance for four months, try four years living together) and it's that kind of mentality that keeps him the way he is. People like that can only understand tough love or else they're just gonna keep feeling sorry for themselves and never get better. Even if he feels guilty, he needs to suck it up and realize he's not the only one who's had a broken heart. Either he'll get his act together or... he'll kill himself. Either way, shouldn't be your problem anymore. For as long as me and my ex lived together side by side and how quickly she moved on (with my best friend, I can't emphasize that enough) without feeling any guilty, why should you? You definitely shouldn't have lied to him, even if it had hurt me, I wish my ex and ex-best friend had come clean about their dirty little secret as soon as it happened (well, I suppose they might've been doing it cause they were afraid of me... I did act like a nut the night we broke up). Edited October 29, 2012 by Nik1
pteromom Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 You should not feel guilty. You were in a relationship with someone who was incompatible with you. You broke it off and found a relationship that works much better for you. I assume you broke it off with your boyfriend before starting your new relationship, so IMO, there is nothing to feel guilty about. I agree with everyone else about unfriending him. 1
fremonde Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 unlike these other people Im going to say your ex is probally not an ******* or a jerk. Much like you being shy, his issue his that he didnt how how to, that he should, or maybe couldnt talk about his feelings with you. However I agree, if you have no interest in ever getting back with him, unfriend him and have little contact. When the girl stays friends with the guy, he thinks he might have a chance later, so its crul to string him along then. Don't keep him as back up, best thing you can do is let him go, it hurts less in the end and lets him move on. Should you feel guilty? Can't really tell you how to feel. Yes and No? Yes for having feelings for the other guy while in a relationship, No for the fact that it was a long distance, and incompatable arrangement, and you were not happy. You cant stay with someone just to make him happy. If you care for how he feels, unfriend him and have little contact. No contact can be harsh, only use that if he keeps hanging on. So- if he contatcs you, be firm, but not mean, that you have yourown life, and he has his. if he is clingy nicely say goodbye. 1
oracle Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Rule 2 - Posession and desire are mutually exclusive: The Hottest woman is always the one that is waving good-bye. Your relationship wasn't really much of one.. He will get over it. No pity. Cut and run. We dated 4 months, long distance relationship. He had odd sexual fetishes that were just too weird and disturbing, he wasn't open about his feelings toward me, never complimented me, I always had to make conversation even though I am incredibly shy, and he wanted me to be the dominate one in the relationship. I am old fashioned and feel like it's his job as the guy to be in charge. I broke up with him about a month ago, and I have a new boyfriend who is a little bit older. He is very affectionate with me and he makes me feel so special, something that my ex never really did. My ex is not a bad guy, but he never made me feel all "lovey dovey" I guess you could say. I broke up with my ex because I was unhappy with our relationship, it was like an old married couple and I had my eyes set on another guy, but I told my ex the reason I broke up with him was for the long distance. Just to make him feel better and not hurt as much. And now he is so depressed about it, I saw a status on his profile that said "I literally don't have any meaning for living anymore without her... (Depressed)" He never really acted liked he truly cared for me when we were together. So why is he acting like this now? Should I feel guilty? Should I talk to him?
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