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Advice urgently needed Meeting my bf for the first time

ThisBeTheVerse

By ThisBeTheVerse,
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ThisBeTheVerse

ThisBeTheVerse

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Hello. I'm new here.

 

I won't bore you with the tedious details..I hope. Cutting a long story short, I've been in touch with a guy (more or less everyday) who I met off a penpal site 2 years ago. After exchanging a few letters, we added each other on Skype and that is how we mainly communicate at the moment: through webcam/voice-enabled chat. As our correspondence progressed further, it became apparent that we were more than just 'friends'. As much as I am skeptical of relationships that start and are maintained online, I could not resist this guy's charm. We're meeting for the first time on Thursday as lovers. He's coming from France to sunny England and the problem is....I'm fookin' brickin' it (understandably, I know). This isn't just a casual meet up to see if we click. I feel as if I'm under a lot of pressure as we've already made the assumption that this will go smoothly and we will love each other no less when we meet in person.

 

I was just wondering if anyone has gone through a similar experience and what the outcome was. Advice would also be much appreciated as I'm not sure what to expect.

 

Danke.

 

x

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VeveCakes

VeveCakes

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Hahaha sounds exciting for you, good luck n rubber up!

 

jk that takes all the feeling away.. don't forget your M.A.P!

 

Worst advice ever.

 

I have been where you are, I went from Canada to Scotland to meet my exbf. Try not to think too much about what they will be like, and just enjoy the excitement. You already like his personality, so try and keep that in the back of your mind. Take things easy and just spend some time exploring the city together, talking, etc.

 

It's a fun adventure. :)

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ThisBeTheVerse

ThisBeTheVerse

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Worst advice ever.

 

I have been where you are, I went from Canada to Scotland to meet my exbf. Try not to think too much about what they will be like, and just enjoy the excitement. You already like his personality, so try and keep that in the back of your mind. Take things easy and just spend some time exploring the city together, talking, etc.

 

It's a fun adventure. :)

 

Thank you!! How did the initial meeting go for you (if you don't mind me asking)?

x

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umirano

umirano

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Hey, I'm almost excited for you. Met my current gf a few weeks ago. Absolutely enjoy the moment! Things will be fine, if you behave just normally, i.e. do not try to become someone completely different just for the meeting. You have no control whatsoever about your long-term future, so do not even try. If you are not up for this kind of risk, do not try it. If you are, do not feel bad in 2 or 3 years if things turned out different from what you are dreaming of now. It's still not a bad thing. You will be wiser and more experienced regardless of what happens during your meet up. And never forget the upside risk: You could be perfect for each other. If you two do not work out, no one else is to blame. If you both bring to the relationship what is needed, the world is yours!

 

That's all that is to say about the first meeting in my opinion. Arrangez-vous!

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ana0pera

ana0pera

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first meetings are so exciting! have fun, be safe, and i hope it all goes well!

 

You say you're meeting as lovers but you feel pressure to perform? That is a red flag to me. Have you talked about any of your concerns with him? Are you both comfortable with how far you might go? It is perfectly acceptable (and honestly, I think it is mandatory) to discuss this in explicit terms beforehand to make sure you are both on the same page, especially if it feels like there are expectations. Based on what you've described, it seems like there are. It can and will prevent awkwardness and ill feelings towards one another that might occur otherwise. I did this with my bf before we met for the first time and it definitely took a lot of pressure off of me and made the experience more fun, and because I didn't feel the pressure to perform at a certain level/put out, it made the act of falling in love with one another IRL and the resulting intimacy more organic.

 

As an aside, something is bound to happen unless the chemistry is just off, which can happen IRL, no matter how much you think you'll click from your online interactions. There are little things you don't pick up on in skype, text messages, emails, and phone calls. Some of these things are harmless or endearing at best, but other traits can be downright annoying.

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ThisBeTheVerse

ThisBeTheVerse

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Hey, I'm almost excited for you. Met my current gf a few weeks ago. Absolutely enjoy the moment! Things will be fine, if you behave just normally, i.e. do not try to become someone completely different just for the meeting. You have no control whatsoever about your long-term future, so do not even try. If you are not up for this kind of risk, do not try it. If you are, do not feel bad in 2 or 3 years if things turned out different from what you are dreaming of now. It's still not a bad thing. You will be wiser and more experienced regardless of what happens during your meet up. And never forget the upside risk: You could be perfect for each other. If you two do not work out, no one else is to blame. If you both bring to the relationship what is needed, the world is yours!

 

That's all that is to say about the first meeting in my opinion. Arrangez-vous!

 

 

Hey! Thanks so much for your reply; I appreciate your thoughts. I posted this thread on another forum and have received nothing but abuse from people who are apparently overwhelmed by my stupidity of thinking that a relationship of this nature may work.

 

x

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ThisBeTheVerse

ThisBeTheVerse

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Hey! Thanks for your reply : )

 

We've spoken about this in a lot of detail (perhaps more than is necessary) and he keeps reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about and they'll have a good time. We're not planning on getting jiggy with it. I'm going to show him around the city and go to places which I think he'll like. Perhaps I'm over thinking this as I'm naturally quite paranoid anyway.

 

x

 

 

first meetings are so exciting! have fun, be safe, and i hope it all goes well!

 

You say you're meeting as lovers but you feel pressure to perform? That is a red flag to me. Have you talked about any of your concerns with him? Are you both comfortable with how far you might go? It is perfectly acceptable (and honestly, I think it is mandatory) to discuss this in explicit terms beforehand to make sure you are both on the same page, especially if it feels like there are expectations. Based on what you've described, it seems like there are. It can and will prevent awkwardness and ill feelings towards one another that might occur otherwise. I did this with my bf before we met for the first time and it definitely took a lot of pressure off of me and made the experience more fun, and because I didn't feel the pressure to perform at a certain level/put out, it made the act of falling in love with one another IRL and the resulting intimacy more organic.

 

As an aside, something is bound to happen unless the chemistry is just off, which can happen IRL, no matter how much you think you'll click from your online interactions. There are little things you don't pick up on in skype, text messages, emails, and phone calls. Some of these things are harmless or endearing at best, but other traits can be downright annoying.

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ana0pera

ana0pera

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Is that "across the pond" speak for ****ing nervous? :laugh:

 

ahhh okay, i wasn't exactly sure what this meant and thought it had sexual overtones!! that does change things!

 

It is perfectly fine and normal to be nervous. It's really good that the two of you have talked about this. Your plan sounds fine, the focus should be getting to know each other so you don't need lots of outings. Keep an open mind and heart, and you'll be fine. I'm so excited for you, good luck and stay calm!!!

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ThisBeTheVerse

ThisBeTheVerse

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ahhh okay, i wasn't exactly sure what this meant and thought it had sexual overtones!! that does change things!

 

It is perfectly fine and normal to be nervous. It's really good that the two of you have talked about this. Your plan sounds fine, the focus should be getting to know each other so you don't need lots of outings. Keep an open mind and heart, and you'll be fine. I'm so excited for you, good luck and stay calm!!!

 

Ahaha, oh dear xD Sorry about that. Not everyone on internet forums is British; I should have been more considerate :laugh: Once again, thanks ever so much for your reassuring words! I will try to keep my calm head and knickers on. Lol

 

Xx

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bluegreen

bluegreen

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Is that "across the pond" speak for ****ing nervous? :laugh:

 

 

 

I think what she meant is she is s... bricks scared and nervous but at same time it me me laugh it was kind of cute adorable funny thing to say :laugh::laugh::laugh: hope it all went well ...

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shibbikitteh

shibbikitteh

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I've literally just had this experience with my (now) new Bf.

We did the whole skyping everyday. But before we met, we explicitly said, that even if we don't get on in a relationship minded way, we could still be friends because we get on so well.

 

I got the train to go and see him and we went back to his, watched crap telly, and I let him take the lead on most of the convo for the first hour, he was the same as skype and that eased my nervousness.

He's also quite mushy, so we held hands and his was sweaty, so I took that to mean he was more nervous then he was letting on which calmed me even more lol !

(I also mentioned this, ice breaker !)

After a couple of hours, it was like we'd been together for ages, all the backlog and conversations we'd had online suddenly felt real (sometimes i feel like the net makes things seem a bit disconnected)

 

I think my main thing is to go not expecting anything and to just have fun, everything else seemed to follow suit.

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ThisBeTheVerse

ThisBeTheVerse

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I was really brickin' it at the train station and it was evident that both of us were pretty awkward and nervous at the start. However, we seemed to ease up on the second day.

 

I had a blast and so did he, but even after meeting him in person, everything still seems a bit surreal!

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allenpo123

allenpo123

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I TOTALLY understand what you are feeling now. I met my guy online too, and we talked almost everyday on skype (with webcam and voice) and text each other throughout the day. We are both traveling to meet each other overseas this week, and I'm really excited to meet him, but at the same time I want to calm and keep it casual.

 

My advice is to keep calm and let the chemistry work out itself. (Which is what I tell myself everyday now counting down the days we're finally going to meet!) You've already spoke to this person online/webcam for 2 years, so you should know his personality quite well :)

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