nvmx-5 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Alright I know that it's not enough time to recover, but it feels like forever that I feel like crap. Here's the deal: We were dating for nearly three years and living for two with a recent engagement. We had issues but they weren't a "make it or break it" kind of thing (I guess they really were). We went to counseling to learn how to effectively communicate with one another, which worked out temporarily. My only issue was the intimacy between us, she never wanted to have relations because she claimed it hurt down there and I didn't want to hurt her so I tried avoiding it. This issue came up only about a year and a half prior and I believed it was physiological issues with men from her past. She never knew her father, her step father was abusive, and her ex ended up cheating on her. I was willing to deal with it as long as we searched for an understanding as to why. Once we got back from the engagement trip, she started studying for school. We had less time to talk through issues and find a solution, because the main focus was her school. It got to the point were we weren't talking and communication was at bare minimum. One day she came in, didn't say a word and gave me the ring back. I then packed my bags and left to my parents place. I only went back to pick up my stuff and drop of the keys. She told me she wanted to be friends and that "if it's meant to be it's meant to be". I've done the NC which has been hard as hell since she was the only person i spoke to on the way home, lunch, work, etc. She has sent me a text about week ago which I kept short and ended as soon as I could. Now that I have a chance to rewind and figure "where it went wrong" I rewind back a year and half when we went to visit her grandmother. I was well liked by her grandmother and I had a great time learning more about where she comes from. I had to return home early to come back to work while she stayed an extra two weeks with her mother. When I went to pick her up at the airport I noticed a completely different person and since then was when she started complaining about the pain during relations. That's all I have, just looking for some friendly advice.
puzzled1 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Wow, that is pretty close to the relationship I had with my gf. We just broke up about 3 weeks ago so I am in the same boat as you. Honestly speaking, I am only stating my opinion because thats what it feels like kind of happened to me. She started to feel trapped after her visit to g-ma. Were you guys alot closer to being friends or BF/GF? I have just realized that I treated my gf as my best friend and as soon as that happened, the sex started to decrease but the "friendship bond" grew. Long story short, she just dumped me because she doesn't feel "passionate" anymore and she doesn't want to end up in a relationship where the romance isn't there but still wants to remain friends!! There is probably another guy that is being more romantic than me in her life right now but I dont like to think about that because it hurts soo bad that it feels like my heart is turning into ashes. Did you start to fill in for her dad presence and became a bit more protective? You became more supportive as a friend than a lover right? And as soon as she realized that, you became sexually unattractive. Thats why it "hurt" down there because she wasn't excited and didn't think of you as a romantic person. Now I could be totally wrong but thats what I feel as to what happened. With school on her shoulders, she didnt feel like it was worth enough to fix but still wanted you there for the support. Hopefully you will start feeling better soon and will move on with your life. Stop looking at her facebook (delete her from your friendslist) No looking through your text messages and read previous conversations, DELETE THEM!! No going to log into someone elses facebook or even trying to get something out from mutual friends. Give her some time and you go do what you like to do! Believe me when I say its alot easier to say than do because I am in the same damn boat and I just deleted all the text, fb friends, and even got for my promise ring back yesterday. You have to think about the future because right now is not a pleasant feeling!
Author nvmx-5 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 Wow, that is pretty close to the relationship I had with my gf. We just broke up about 3 weeks ago so I am in the same boat as you. Honestly speaking, I am only stating my opinion because thats what it feels like kind of happened to me. She started to feel trapped after her visit to g-ma. Were you guys alot closer to being friends or BF/GF? I have just realized that I treated my gf as my best friend and as soon as that happened, the sex started to decrease but the "friendship bond" grew. Long story short, she just dumped me because she doesn't feel "passionate" anymore and she doesn't want to end up in a relationship where the romance isn't there but still wants to remain friends!! There is probably another guy that is being more romantic than me in her life right now but I dont like to think about that because it hurts soo bad that it feels like my heart is turning into ashes. Did you start to fill in for her dad presence and became a bit more protective? You became more supportive as a friend than a lover right? And as soon as she realized that, you became sexually unattractive. Thats why it "hurt" down there because she wasn't excited and didn't think of you as a romantic person. Now I could be totally wrong but thats what I feel as to what happened. With school on her shoulders, she didnt feel like it was worth enough to fix but still wanted you there for the support. Hopefully you will start feeling better soon and will move on with your life. Stop looking at her facebook (delete her from your friendslist) No looking through your text messages and read previous conversations, DELETE THEM!! No going to log into someone elses facebook or even trying to get something out from mutual friends. Give her some time and you go do what you like to do! Believe me when I say its alot easier to say than do because I am in the same damn boat and I just deleted all the text, fb friends, and even got for my promise ring back yesterday. You have to think about the future because right now is not a pleasant feeling! Yeah, when I went to meet the grandma we were "madly in love". Just things were different after that. Not different in a bad way just different. With the male role, I was always the supportive type and very romantic with her. But I guess from her prespective it may have not been as such. I deleted everything about her the moment I took the last of my things, from OUR apartment.
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