MlovesB Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) Hello Everyone. This is my first post. The first post of many. For me, to express myself to other by writing is really a great way to get my feelings out. Of course talking is the best way... but I dont have that available to me at the moment. Well, here goes my story. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 10 months. Lets call him A. I met him in the state that I am going to college in. I am currently a Junior in college. I am going to school out of state from the place I was born and raised. I used to be into the whole "party scene" the beginning of my freshman year. Well... lets just say that faded and fast. At the college I am attending, it has been really hard to find friends. I have yet to really connect with anyone on a really personal level. I do have friends, but none that I am comfortable enough to open up to. Anyway, back to my relationship. So A. is 5 years older then me. We dont notice the age gap at all. For the first year and 7 months, we were living in the same town in the same state. It was amazing. Best time of my life. I had finally met someone that was not only my best friend, but someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. To have that feeling... is amazing. This past August, he had to make the hard decision to moving back home. He was not making enough money here in the state I am in. He had to move back home in order to run his families business. We are separated by 3-4 states. The business is doing great and he is making lots of money. The distance is unbearable. He was the only person that I could really depend on out here. My best friend and love of my life left me here. It has been 3 months since we started long distance. It has been SO hard. I used to be such a happy, outgoing person. I have been very depressed. I cry myself to sleep at night. We talk on the phone a lot and stuff like that... but when he used to live here, we would spend almost all the time together. So we went from A to Z in a blink of an eye. I feel that I am doing better from the first month, but I thought that by the third month, I would be much stronger then this. It is really affecting me... not only in school, but emotionaly. He comes and visits when he can (every month and a half ish), but its so hard. I feel like I am wishing the days to go until the next time I see him. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. Its not often when you meet a man you love, but who is also your best friend. We have both talked about our future, and how we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. I have to stick it out and get through this... but its just so hard. Important note- we will be LDR for 2 years... until I graduate college... Please let me know what you think, and if you have any advice. Much Appreciated, L. Edited October 29, 2012 by MlovesB
umirano Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Similar situation here. No good advice, except for: keep having visits frequentlybelieve in the two of you as a couplethink and speak about concrete plans and time spans of when to move inbe honest to each other about everything (feelings, emotions, plans, wishes for the future)actions speak more than words. So don't waste your time making verbose promises, but get things done! 1
Author MlovesB Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 Thank you! You gave really helpful advice!
ana0pera Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 (edited) Hi MLovesB, I know how you feel and have gone through what you're going through now. I am also in school and in an LDR with a guy who lives on a different continent, and my closest friends also live far away, so it gets pretty lonely here sometimes especially when I think about my BF and the time we don't have together. Our stories are almost mirror images, in that I have good friends here but not close enough that I feel comfortable opening up to them. So I know how much it sucks to have these feelings and not have anyone to discuss them with. Honestly, my best advice for you is the hardest advice to give and follow, but I think it would be good for you and also take some strain off of the relationship, which can develop when you don't have anything else to distract you from the distance. Push yourself to be more outgoing. Join clubs or pick up new hobbies. Keep yourself busy. Not so busy that you run out of time for him/the two of you, but so that you aren't thinking about him 24/7 and stressing out about missing him. This can be really hard, trust me I know, because I've been there (and in some ways am still struggling with it). Because your bf is now living back at home, he is surrounded by family, friends, etc to distract him. If you aren't equally (or at the bare minimum, partially) distracted, you will get jealous about how he spends his time. Trust me. My bf is extroverted and lives in the same town where his parents, siblings, and closest friends live, so he is busier than I am by default (I am introverted and my closest family/friends live on the other side of the US). When my good friends at University moved away a little over a year ago, I didn't have anyone to hang out with regularly so I wanted to spend all of my free time talking to him...but this was unrealistic (and selfish) because he had less free time than me... see how this can become a problem? Since then, I've started picking up more hobbies and really throwing myself into my work; because I am in a graduate program, the faster I finish the faster we can close the distance (isn't that great motivation)!! This has really helped our relationship and I feel just as close to him as when we started dating, if not closer, because our fights have ended. So I would really encourage you to do the same, no matter how hard it feels at first. I'd recommend fun (I know the term is relative) things like art classes or dance/exercise classes; anything that can lead to personal improvement. It will be good for you and your relationship. I really hope this helps, and good luck!! Edited October 30, 2012 by ana0pera forgot to add a few points 2
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