puzzled1 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Hey all! I am going through a very rough time, 3 weeks ago I lost the love of my life. Back story- We have been in a serious relationship for just a bit longer than 3 years. She was my 1st in just about everything. We met thru a mutual friend and hit it off, even till 3 weeks ago it was still very interesting. She does not have many friends, her closest friends were probably me and her mom. She is a bit on the "stay at home kinda girl" while I am the outgoing and always doing something kind of guy. A bit of the relationship- Not only she was my girlfriend but she was my bestfriend (as it should be). Talked about everything, goals, marriage, kids, all the shahbam!! Knows everything in my past and where I currently sit. Used to talk to her at least an hour a day and used see her about 5 days a week. She has some health issues and I think thats what started this whole thing. (Ex depression meds, carpal tunnel). Her dad was not there for her (lowlife POS), but her mom is a very sweet lady that unconditionally loves her. 6 months ago- I was madly in love and everything was going great, it all started on her birthday (june). Went to pick her up from work and she wanted me to drive her car because her hand was hurting. It was raining that day and when I got to her car, I noticed there were balloons and a card on her windshield. I put them inside the car and told her about it when I saw her. She quickly took them from me and avoided to talk about it. After 30 mins of asking, she finally showed me the card. It said stuff like how "this person" misses her, how he really likes her and he wants to get closer and at the end of the card it said "I Love You". I did not know how to take this because this was all a surprise to me. She said that this guy works with her and he has been hitting on her alot and that he wont leave her alone. OK not a big deal (even though it was to me) She apologized and we moved on. Back to Love, friendship, and goals again. She started saying things like "I think we are better friends than girlfriend and boyfriend". I reminded her about all that we had and the "friendship" is just a bonus on top of that. About a month after the letter^^, one of my close friends called me in panic, he told me that he just saw my ex gf's car and a truck in a empty parking lot at 9pm (thats when she gets off work). I didn't know how to take that and panicked. Called her, no answer, called her again, no answer, texted her and she finally called back about 5 mins after. I asked her calmly "hey where are you? You had me worried. She says that "she went to walmart and left the phone in the car" and that she is almost home and she will call me after her shower. I then just blurted out what I just heard, I did not mention it was my friend that saw her and that it was me that saw her in the parking lot. **** got crazy, talked for 4 hours or so and thats when I started to lose her trust. She told me that she was feeling trapped and she is sorry that it will never ever happen again. She begged and begged to take her back and my dumbass felt like that is the right thing to do, even though I felt betrayed I took her back and wanted to focus on new things in life. 3 months ago- We had dinner dates every friday and we either watched a movie or did something random after that. The 5 days that I used to see her became about 2-3 days. Things still weren't settled about what had happen before because it was an uncomfortable subject to both of us. She kept reminding me that she doesn't feel passionate anymore because she feels guilty on what happened. We took a trip to florida together and try to see if that would bring those feelings back. Even though we had soo much fun together, the trip was really stressful and we did not have enough sex to make up. 2 Months ago- As the days went on, she started to have some more time to herself and started to work "ALOT" more (she hated work before because it was stressful). I am a pretty chill guy so I didn't think anything of it. We would hang out but didnt feel right because I don't think I was over what had happened but we still hung out like friends and talked a lot! 4 Weeks ago- She went to carmax to get her car appraised and I guess the manager and her had a long talk about cars (She is into modified cars). A day later, the manager texted her saying- Hey, not to be creepy but I found your phone number on our file and wanted to offer you a job because you have experience and you could make a lot of money here-. I thought was was really inappropriate because she "mentioned to me" she never gave him the phone number and that he took it off her records. They started to text a bit more and things went from a job offer, to car interest, to her opinion on how these wheels look. While we were having a dinner, she was texting him and smiling and telling me about it. Afterwards, we got in my car and I let her know how I feel. She started to tell me that she felt trapped and that she needs some time alone. She told me she wants to make new friends and find herself because she was living in my shadows, I understood and gave her time, she kept texting me and still remained friends. The friday of that week she made plans for another dinner date. I agreed but the whole day on friday she was not talking to me. When she finally called, she felt "tired" and its been a "busy" day and said that she cant do anything after dinner. I told her I don't want a pity dinner and you can have some time to yourself, one thing to another and we officially "broke up". I went out of town to visit some friends and to party thinking she will come back and I need to have some time to myself anyways. Came back into town and she was really interested in what I did and kept texting and calling for 2 weeks and remained friends. I told her about what happened and this girl was throwing herself at me but I couldn't stop thinking about you blah blah blah. She got mad at the other girl because she still wants me. 2 Weeks ago- Things are just awkward now, we are trying to remain friends and I cannot get enough of her but she keeps pushing me away seems like. I give her room to herself and focus on myself while I am still depressed. The whole 2 weeks went like that until yesterday. 3 Days ago- Went back out of town to party it up for halloween with some friends and kept her away from my thoughts. She told me that she got an invitation to go to a party also but cannot go because of work. Yesterday- Driving back home and she calls me. We talk about what we did this weekend and I tell her that I am feeling pretty confident about myself now and I realize which mistakes our relationship has and the whole "I will be fine at the end of this" She agrees, apologizes and we move onto what she did this weekend. She said at the last minute, she decided to go to another halloween party with her co-worker, she said she drank and also got a bit high and it was fun. My guts were on fire but I remained cool and said "That sounds like fun" and then couldn't keep composure anymore and let her know how I really feel (not in an argument, much more simple grown up based convo) One thing led to the next and I said I cannot stay put for you and I need to also move on because I don't feel like this will be working out. I asked her to meet me up and we can exchange our belongings and I also wanted my promise rings back. She was in shock to see I said that and asked me why. I told her the ring doesn't mean anything anymore and that promise is broken, and since you were the one to pull the trigger, I need to put that safe in a box so I can look at the good times we had and reminisce, then put it back in there and go on with my amazing life with someone else. She broke down and cried and after I got back into town I went to her house to give her the stuff that was at my house, and she gave me some dresses I bought her, a couple of my hoodies and the ring sealed up in a ziplock bag. I am trying so hard to be strong but I am only going into depression and cannot keep her off my head. I keep thinking that I was getting played and I was such in love to not give a damn about what was happening. Now I am emotionally charged and feel like I cannot keep my composure, I break out in tears and then laugh about it, when listen to a song that reminds me of her, my chest starts hurting, I keep going on google to see what the heck I am supposed to do and I came across this forum. I have never done anything like this so I hope I get some responses that help me cope with this heart break. I have realized that there was a guy all along and while she was giving me hints I didn't want to take them, now I am too hurt to handle the truth. I am usually optimistic but for the last couple of weeks, I have became such a rude and blunt person. I love this girl and deep down inside I wanna work it out, but I know my mind will never be happy so I need to forget that and move on with my life. I just need some stuff to keep me busy. ( I quit my job about 2 months ago and now I really need one, not for money but for me to stay busy) Thanks for reading this long depressing thread and any input will be much appreciated!
ParadeRain Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I read your full story, and all I can say is you're going to fit in well here. Keep posting, the guys are great and and you'll get some amazing advise to help you get through it. Read around and the methods of coping will become clear... it all depends on which emotional state you are in and which stage in the break up you're at, when you're talking a matter of "weeks"... advising no contact is useless right now... it's pretty much guaranteed that you're going to do some more talking.. In terms of getting over her (which I don't think you're at the stage to begin this)... you have to acknowledge the relationship is over... and I'm not sure if it is over or not? is it?
Author puzzled1 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 I read your full story, and all I can say is you're going to fit in well here. Keep posting, the guys are great and and you'll get some amazing advise to help you get through it. Read around and the methods of coping will become clear... it all depends on which emotional state you are in and which stage in the break up you're at, when you're talking a matter of "weeks"... advising no contact is useless right now... it's pretty much guaranteed that you're going to do some more talking.. In terms of getting over her (which I don't think you're at the stage to begin this)... you have to acknowledge the relationship is over... and I'm not sure if it is over or not? is it? Thanks for the comment! I have been reading about how other people are coping and getting alot of information. In the matter of weeks, we were in limited contact but it was more than I guess it should be. The day before I left to go out of town, she met up with one of her friends and she called me up saying that this is just a phase and that she will get thru this crap and she wants to be with me at the end. The thing that hurts me the most is that she is putting someone else instead of my place. I am not in the stage to get over her but I am trying to stop thinking about her so I can begin that stage. I do realize the relationship is over but then my heart starts talking to my head and wants me to compromise. Thanks for reading a damn novel about my lovelife lol I really appreciate that!
ParadeRain Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the comment! I have been reading about how other people are coping and getting alot of information. In the matter of weeks, we were in limited contact but it was more than I guess it should be. The day before I left to go out of town, she met up with one of her friends and she called me up saying that this is just a phase and that she will get thru this crap and she wants to be with me at the end. The thing that hurts me the most is that she is putting someone else instead of my place. I am not in the stage to get over her but I am trying to stop thinking about her so I can begin that stage. I do realize the relationship is over but then my heart starts talking to my head and wants me to compromise. Thanks for reading a damn novel about my lovelife lol I really appreciate that! Is she seeing somebody else? I'm confused on what to say to you in order to be helpful considering you're new to the forum. So I'll just say what I think without beating around the bush. The relationship turned bad, she went behind your back with the car dude... and to be honest she probably F'd him, based on that alone... you should end EVERYTHING - cut all ties and go no contact, survive the first 2/3 months and then there's no looking back, it becomes easier to maintain no contact... Once you reach that point, that's when you're at the start to begin to move on and essentially get over it. But, it seems you love this girl, and the possibility of getting back together still exists, so what you need to do is decide whether you are going to make the mistake of so called "working things out"... or call it love and loss then begin the process. I'm 20 and just lost my first love so I can only speak from what I know... But there's some really wise guys on here who have forgotten more than I know about love, and they will give you the reality and truth on the matter, hopefully they will come in here and give you some analysis. Edited October 29, 2012 by ParadeRain 1
Author puzzled1 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 Right now I think there is another person that she might be seeing, they went to a "halloween party" together and I don't know the extent of that. I really don't think she messed around with the car dude sexually, she told me that he tried to kiss her and she didn't feel right so he kissed her on the cheek. She is a pretty honest person and has morals so I believed her, but right now I do not believe anything she tells me because the person I fell in love with is not this same person. Starting last night I did cut all the ties, Usually I feel like texting her but I deleted her phone number off my phone along with all the text messages. I know she is not mentally stable and is probably taking some depression and anxiety pills to keep sane because when I saw her yesterday, she felt drained and drugged up. She wants me around because of the comfort level but all that is doing to me is tearing me up so I stopped. I do love this girl and want to be with her forever, but after what I found out has been going on, I dont feel that she respects me and I cannot be in a relationship where there is no trust and respect. This is also my "first real love" (more than 6 months), I got with her when we were 21 and now we are 24. Thanks for your opinion and I do wish that other people can chime in and give some advice.
Frank13 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Are you really that blind?! She gets birthday baloons and a card from a co-worker that says "I love you" and doesn't want to talk about it. She hates her job but starts working A LOT. She is spoted in a parking lot with a guy and lies to you about it. She is into the guy that gave her the card. That's why she was working a lot, or said she was, to be with him. That is who she met in the parking lot. Then she went to a Halloween party with him. The birthday card was the only clue you needed to see she was cheating. Hell, this all seems like she wanted you to catch her and dump her so she could b ed with the guy.
Author puzzled1 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 Are you really that blind?! She gets birthday baloons and a card from a co-worker that says "I love you" and doesn't want to talk about it. She hates her job but starts working A LOT. She is spoted in a parking lot with a guy and lies to you about it. She is into the guy that gave her the card. That's why she was working a lot, or said she was, to be with him. That is who she met in the parking lot. Then she went to a Halloween party with him. The birthday card was the only clue you needed to see she was cheating. Hell, this all seems like she wanted you to catch her and dump her so she could b ed with the guy. Yes I trusted her so much that I was blinded by love. I know things happen. I dont think its the same guy that caused all this, I think its another person at her work. She told me that guy had a baby and there is no way she would want to get with someone with a kid. But now things are starting to get alot more clear. Wow, I just realized that when we first got together she didnt want to go through the birth process but still wanted a kid. All of a sudden her interest in kids arose, that guy has a kid! LOL wow, I am a moron to realize this now. Well thats another thing I can focus on to push her away. She is a very pretty girl and throughout our relationship, she had alot of guys hit on her, but suddenly she put her guard down and actually got lost in "what ifs" and was not 100% sure she wanted to be with me.
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