paperboy48 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I went on a couple dates with this girl. She is really nice and very compassionate about my recent divorce, etc. There's a problem though, she doesn't drink... I wasn't anticipating this as possibly being a deal breaker for me. I am by no means an Alcoholic but I like to go out and have a few drinks, to loosen up and relax one-to-two times a week. We had a really nice dinner the other night, took a walk in town and then she suggested going to a coffee shop. I would have much rathered go to a bar for a drink. I had a couple drinks at dinner, she did not. Just last night, we were texting about getting togther for a couple hours tonight or tomrrow night trying to think of something to do, in additon to our plans to go bowling, this coming Friday. We are not at a place yet, where we are going to go to one of our houses. If she drank, I would have said, lets meet for a couple drinks... I ended up just saying, lets wait until our date on Friday. I don't really know what I'm asking here other than can this work with this situation? She would much rather go to a coffe shop where I would much rather go to a bar?
GirlontheLam Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I am a social drinker. I have one and that's it. The problem is bars suck if you aren't drinking. But, if you are like me, if there is a bar with really interesting non-alcoholic drinks I am not too annoyed about being the DD. It really depends on what sort of drinker you are. I'd start with a coffee shop that serves beer and wine, and then propose a bar that would be fun for her. One with games, a trivia night and so on. Basically fun that has nothing to do with the drinking part. Oh and virgin drinks that are as inspired as the alcoholic ones!
SayonaraItsuka Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Geez, and here I am hoping the girl I date doesn't drink, or only drinks occasionally a few times a year. lol 2
Hawaii50 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Not a horrible thing, especially if she doesn't mind you have a few. But if you're looking to get crap-faced, then yeah, I can see a problem... But then again.. Who's DD?! >not it<
xdahliax Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 It is a bit boring, IMO, but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me. Actually, I'd kind of be comforted by it because alcoholism runs rampant in my family. I've noticed that going for drinks comes across your mind a lot. It seems like perhaps you like drinking a little too much. Coffee shops are fun, if you're with the right person. There are plenty of things you can do, going for drinks shouldn't be your first idea of fun all the time.
AlexDP Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I went on a couple dates with this girl. She is really nice and very compassionate about my recent divorce, etc. There's a problem though, she doesn't drink... I wasn't anticipating this as possibly being a deal breaker for me. I am by no means an Alcoholic but I like to go out and have a few drinks, to loosen up and relax one-to-two times a week. We had a really nice dinner the other night, took a walk in town and then she suggested going to a coffee shop. I would have much rathered go to a bar for a drink. I had a couple drinks at dinner, she did not. Just last night, we were texting about getting togther for a couple hours tonight or tomrrow night trying to think of something to do, in additon to our plans to go bowling, this coming Friday. We are not at a place yet, where we are going to go to one of our houses. If she drank, I would have said, lets meet for a couple drinks... I ended up just saying, lets wait until our date on Friday. I don't really know what I'm asking here other than can this work with this situation? She would much rather go to a coffe shop where I would much rather go to a bar? Are you for real? I know plenty of girls who don't drink or only do so on rare occasions. Whereas alcoholism is a definite dealbreaker, I don't see how the opposite could ever be a true problem, unless the person involved is so strict she tells others not to drink the occasional bear. If youre the kind of guy who wants to go out binging, then no, it won't work. If you like a drink or two, it won't be a problem.
SmileFace Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I want to say this wouldn't be a deal breaker because I truthfully can not deal with a next alcohlic. However who will I go wine tasting and to the ale house with? Who will I try out my drink recipes on? Who will help me with my home brewery? My interest and beliefs are kind of in a twist with this one but I kind find friends to do all those activities with. Anyway I can see how it can be a deal breaker - however I see it as one you can look over.
fucpcg Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Give her my number. After seeing soo many horrible examples of what alcohol can do to lives, I am far from interested in having it in mine at all anymore. I had a friend go to jail for running over a girl who was crawling her way across a busy street trying to go who knows where after being thrown out of a bar, had another friend go to jail for hitting someone while drunk driving, and lost a borderline alcoholic girlfriend who I loved beyond measure who decided she missed the bar more than she loved me after a year of sobriety. All this in just the past year. The last girl that asked me out, asked me to meet for a drink, I told her not interested.
AlexDP Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I know EXACTLY what you mean, PaperBoy. I'm not a huge drinker myself but do enjoy an occasional night out for drinks and nightlife, etc. When I was dating a reformed alcoholic who'd been sober for 3 years, of course an occasional drink out at a bar or tavern was kind of out of the question. It sucked. You never think twice about it UNTIL you suddenly can no longer do it - then you feel deprived as though an occasional adult pleasure has suddenly been yanked away from you. I'd never really THOUGHT about it until I couldn't do it anymore. And quite honestly, it's fun to go out for a couple of drinks and flirt with your date or mate in a carefree and fun adult setting and hear a local band or whatever. So because she doesn't drink, she has to be a kill-joy about going out and having a soda at a bar or tavern while you unwind with a beer or whatever? Yeah, that blows. There's a difference between being a kill-joy and just not drinking. My girlfriend has never said anything about me drinking a beer, yet rarely drinks herself.
ffw Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 You know alcohol doesn't have to play a key role in dating/relationships. Perhaps you both find a mutual ground & can enjoy common hobbies together. Persoanlly, It will be plus point if my partner doesn't drink/smoke. 1
GirlontheLam Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I want to say this wouldn't be a deal breaker because I truthfully can not deal with a next alcohlic. However who will I go wine tasting and to the ale house with? Who will I try out my drink recipes on? Who will help me with my home brewery? My interest and beliefs are kind of in a twist with this one but I kind find friends to do all those activities with. Anyway I can see how it can be a deal breaker - however I see it as one you can look over. LOL! I am with you! I love to have a portion of a drink, wine tasting and so on. I just don't drink much!
Author paperboy48 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 Geez, and here I am hoping the girl I date doesn't drink, or only drinks occasionally a few times a year. lol Why????????
Author paperboy48 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 I know EXACTLY what you mean, PaperBoy. I'm not a huge drinker myself but do enjoy an occasional night out for drinks and nightlife, etc. When I was dating a reformed alcoholic who'd been sober for 3 years, of course an occasional drink out at a bar or tavern was kind of out of the question. It sucked. You never think twice about it UNTIL you suddenly can no longer do it - then you feel deprived as though an occasional adult pleasure has suddenly been yanked away from you. I'd never really THOUGHT about it until I couldn't do it anymore. And quite honestly, it's fun to go out for a couple of drinks and flirt with your date or mate in a carefree and fun adult setting and hear a local band or whatever. So because she doesn't drink, she has to be a kill-joy about going out and having a soda at a bar or tavern while you unwind with a beer or whatever? Yeah, that blows. Exactly......
Author paperboy48 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 LOL..I don't believe I was addressing YOU or YOUR situation in my reply. And all you've done is PROVE my point. What you just said is EXACTLY what I was talking about - someone who doesn't drink but isn't open to going to a bar or tavern, such as the lady the OP described. I guess you MISSED the part in the OP's post where he says after a nice dinner date they were out walking around and she wanted to go to a coffee shop but he would have preferred to go out for a couple of drinks. He also mentioned they were talking about possibly getting together for a few hours during the week before their weekend date, but since she isn't open to having a couple drinks at the local watering hole, he just let it slide until the weekend. THAT'S what I was addressing. I stand by my post. Ok, here's the scenario.. she texted me saying she should be free MOnday or Tuesday for a couple hours...then texted me asking me if I had any ideas of what we could do..my response was I'm not coming up with much, the though of a movie had crossed my mind but not something we could do with time contstraints..I asked her if she had any ideas...she said "no."
Art_Critic Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I don't get where the problem lies.. have you asked her if you drinking bothers her ? Being a non drinker myself with over 25 years of sobriety a good chunk of my life I haven't had any Alcohol, and certainly most of my dating career. I have never dated a woman that didn't drink some and it was never uncomfortable during dating.. A coke in my glass looks the same as a coke with rum in it.. see .. it doesn't matter.. If she is okay with you drinking a few drinks then you just need to respect her boundary and let her not drink and so what.. chances are she will show you how to have fun without liquid courage.
Art_Critic Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Ok, here's the scenario.. she texted me saying she should be free MOnday or Tuesday for a couple hours...then texted me asking me if I had any ideas of what we could do..my response was I'm not coming up with much, the though of a movie had crossed my mind but not something we could do with time contstraints..I asked her if she had any ideas...she said "no." Take her out for a drink... she just won't drink one with Alcohol in it
Art_Critic Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 When I was dating a reformed alcoholic who'd been sober for 3 years, of course an occasional drink out at a bar or tavern was kind of out of the question. Why was taking her to a tavern out of the question ? was that her request.. or just the fact you are uncomfortable with her not drinking. I always hated when people just ASSUMED that because I didn't drink that it wasn't okay for me to be around it... I have always been able to be around Alcohol.. the reason: simple.. I don't want to drink. I can buy a beer at every single corner in the city.. if I wanted to drink I would.. staying out of a tavern certainly won't help keep me sober.. Although.. the first year or so of my sobriety I did stay away from bars until my sober legs were good n steady.
Author paperboy48 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 Why was taking her to a tavern out of the question ? was that her request.. or just the fact you are uncomfortable with her not drinking. I always hated when people just ASSUMED that because I didn't drink that it wasn't okay for me to be around it... I have always been able to be around Alcohol.. the reason: simple.. I don't want to drink. I can buy a beer at every single corner in the city.. if I wanted to drink I would.. staying out of a tavern certainly won't help keep me sober.. Although.. the first year or so of my sobriety I did stay away from bars until my sober legs were good n steady. That's helps a lot...thanks And, congratulations by the way! 1
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