cindyt Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 My husband and i have been together since we were 17, 18 years now and married 11 of those. We have 7 kids and I am 35 weeks pregnant with our 8th. We have had a rocky marriage for probably the last year over this pregnancy our sex life has been non existant. And we have grown distant, I found out last week that he has been talking to a woman at work she is 11 years older and is going through a divorce as he was training her they confided in each other and she kissed him on several ocassions, he swears that is all that happened and i believe that. She has also told him that he can move in with her and her 25 yo autistic son. We are having a lot of finacial problems, our house is in foreclosure, we are getting sued in November for something else, one of our vans is going to be repossed. He tells me that he loves me and he is still attracted to me, but he needs something different, that there is to much stress. Everyone close to us has told me that he loves me and wouldn't leave, but last night he told me he was going to leave, he's not sure when. He promised taht he would stay away from this lady until our baby is born and i really don't think he has thought this through. Things will be more stressful when he leaves, for everyone. I just spoke with a divorce attorney who quoted me a 2500 retainer. We can't afford that. I am so confused I don't know what to do, does he really want a divorce or to leave, is it just all the stress we have been under. How do you know when to fight for your marriage and when to give up. He doesn't believe in any kind of counseling, he is not religous but he agreed to watch fireproof with me and I ordered the love dare in hopes that it would help. He agreed to go out to dinner just me and him next week.
M30USA Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes there's nothing you can do about things aside from waiting out the storm.
JamesM Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 The question may be better said.... How far should I go if I still want to save my marriage? And my response is...do as much as you can until you no longer have anything more to try. In the future, if it fails, then you can at least know that you tried everything. If you haven't, then you will have this lingering question of "what if." On the other hand, if your husband is reconciled to you and your marriage is saved, then you can say "I am so glad that I did...(fill in the blank.)" I think that this is one of those "you will know when it is time to leave" situations. Good luck. You have alot going on in life, and may God give you the strength to carry on. BTW, it almost appears as if he is hoping to flee from the stress by leaving the marriage. Unfortunately, this will not work. And it is likely that his feelings right now are because of everything in the marriage and not because of you. And if that is the case, then there is hope for your marrriage. 1
sad puppy Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Why do you keep having children if your finances are so perilous? 8 children? Seriously?
jf2good Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 He doesn't want this other women, he wants out of the mess he has gotten into, too many kids, no money, etc. I think you can still save the marriage, if you both act together to do it. Marriage counseling, video, books alone will not do it, nor will christian family counseling. Finances are not the end of the earth, many a rich man have gone broke before starting over again. Not having sex, not being passionate will doom most marriages. I know your PG, but why aren't you having sex? No man is going to object to you doing oral on hm, unless he truly has given up on everything.
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