Mixed feelings about NC/LC ("limited contact") - will I push her further away?

[John303]

Hello everyone, this is the first post on this forum and I'm really glad to be the part of your community

 

So to get to the point...

 

I'm in a difficult situation at the moment because I have a dilemma.

My ex and I are classmates and therefore NC is impossible for us. She dumped me 3 months ago (said she "needed space" but I think she just lost interest in me) but I still didn't get over her, although I feel better after all this time. I've decided to distance myself from her a little bit to heal and I think she understands that and respects my decision.

 

She also knows I still have feelings for her and that I care a lot for her. But we are not talking much - I'm not initiating conversation (mostly because it gets painful sometimes when I start speaking with her) and she also isn't doing that - it could be that she's giving me space and respects me after leaving me. The last time we spoke, she brought up the conversation about our relationship and she was pretty confident (talking to me in an almost angry tone) that she thinks we're both OK persons but not for each other and that she's over me and doesn't mind hanging out with me and that I'm a little bit more than a classmate to her now. She also said she cannot be friends with me at the moment (I agreed to that because it wouldn't be a smart decision). On the other hand she said she had the best time with me, that she really enjoyed our happy days, loved me most (in comparison with her other exes) and loved the things we did and misses our cuddling.

 

It's a little bit confusing because she seems very confident about being over me, yet on the other hand she is giving me these mixed signals (like smiling to me, blinking to me on the hallways). For example today we got "stuck" on the same class project together and in the beginning it was a little bit awkward - we only focused on the assignment but after a while I asked her how she was doing. She said she was fine and then we started talking about the things we do now, our hobbies, desires but of course avoided the "us" or "relationship" topic. It was actually very nice and I think she opened up to me and she seemed happy to have a little chat with me and so was I.

 

Nevertheless I have this dillemma whether I should now try to contact her more often or call her/ask her out? Or should I rather keep the distance to heal myself and work on my own things? You see, I'm having these thoughts that by not communicating to her or showing my interest for her, that she might move away from me even further because she will think I don't care about her and so on. I have this constant fear that she will start dating someone else because she will think I don't care and won't "wait" for me to "heal" if you know what I mean - does this even makes sense? Does anyone have any experiences on this or at least what's your opinion?

On the other hand I'm affraid that talking to her or showing interest could make her "back-off" even more because she would think I want her back? She's not ignoring me though - she answers my texts, she went out for a coffee with me 2 times (always when I asked her, but she never asked me out or called me, only for my birthday). What should I think of this whole situation? Has she moved on already?

 

I'd deeply appreciate any opinion on this situation since I don't know what to do I still love her - I know that and I'm trying to move on. But still if she'd be interested in reconnecting with me, I'd probably give it another go (on instantly of course but would try to work things out slowly). The problem (as you can see) is that I don't know how to think about my situation and that's why I could use a neutral opinion on this... Thank you million times!!

[fremonde]

Wel, im not the best help, since i have been going through a similar situation. Generally women find it really easy to dump a guy, and then later being friends (no guilt then!) My guess is maybe you should go on a few dates, she might be, and not letting you know. If you do she will either try to pursue you if she really wanted you back, or she won't in which case you would have not got back together.

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't ask her out. Be polite when around her, but don't initiate any hangouts.