Balsamo Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Hey people! I'm a little more than confused at the moment. I'm having some trouble with my best guy friend, we're both 20 y/o and have known each other for about 5 years now. He's now told me that he's in love with me, and he really wants us to give us a go. And he's apparently grown up a lot from when we were 16. I think he's attractive, smart, funny but I just don't have the time for a relationship... I'm aiming to go to university next year and hadn't planned on going away while in a relationship. I have a feeling that if we dated that it would get really serious, really quickly. I'm not ready for that... But he's always been my "What If" guy; we've never both been single at the same time since the age of 16. When we were that age, we both liked each other but nothing ever came of it, and he immediately moved on; I was devastated. But when we talk now, I don't get any butterflies or "sparks", I just feel like he's my best friend. Is that my answer? He said that he didn't want me to be "the one that got away" so to speak, and we'd be good because of our history and compatibility. He says all he wants to do is make me laugh, smile and have fun; and all he can do is think about me. All very flattering but doesn't help my confusion! . Anyone ever been in any kind of similar situation? How did it go? Or any advice? I wasn't sure where to post this, the friendship or dating forum :S -Balsamo xo (P.S. I'm female, if that's not obvious!)
january2011 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I've been in situation where we transitioned from acquaintances to romantic partners but not from a close friendship to romantic partners. You've mentioned quite a bit about what he wants. And only a little bit about what you want. Just because he's projecting on you doesn't mean that you have to reflect any of this back, if it's truly not what you want. I suspect that it's easy to confuse the closeness of friendship with the closeness of being in a relationship. I agree that friendship can provide a solid foundation for a romantic relationship. And it's great that you have shared history and are compatible. However, if you don't feel sexually attracted to him, is this really going to get off the ground? I'd advise you to be honest and tell him what you want. And that it's not quite compatible with what he wants. And while you wanted him back when you were 16, you're over that now. He, on the other hand seems to be re-hashing old memories. Tell him about your plans. If he were any kind of friend, he would not want to stand in the way of your dreams, especially ones such as going to university. It's also worth bearing in mind that you are still very young and over the next few years, you will have many things happen to you - at your time of life, especially with university coming up, there is a lot of change. You're most likely going to come out of it a different person. So, focus on what you want. Not what he wants.
Author Balsamo Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 Hiya, thank you for your reply. It was honest and thought-filled. I was pretty sure I would have to do this in the end anyway, it just affirms my thoughts to see them written down from someone removed from the situation. Great advice -Balsamo
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