AlisaMarie Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 It's so hard. I try to not bring the baggage of the past into a new relationship but it's inevitable. They all seem to end the same. I was "dating" a guy for almost a year and I come to the conclusion that it isn't them, it's me. My heart aches right now. I tried to tell him how I feel, what bothers me, what I want. He encouraged that! However, when I did, he had a way to make me feel shameful and ridiculous... odd, like how could someone normal be upset over something so dumb... even with a warning such as "hey this might sound stupid to you but...." Background: Had a not so serious relationship for almost a year. We were close but had a few misunderstandings. We were exclusive, but not official. He's met my family, friends, and has been to my house and place of employment. I NEVER have been on his turf...EVER. He has many female friends that "love him" and I am pretty sure that they were all friends, but sadly, so was I (with a little extra on the side??) He is departing for a vacation this week and I had made the comment of hoping to see him before he leaves. He said he has a lot going on before he goes. I asked him to not use that phrase because it seems like he's putting me last on his list. I haven't talked to him since. That was on Thursday. We are both in our 30s. LS friends, I know we are all here for hurt, and we need to vent. I am just so sick of being a convenience... I don't know how to get what I want out of a relationship. I don't know how to communicate and I feel that I have been conditioned from my past (there were quite a few bad ones). My patterns need to change because I am going to end up alone if I keep ignoring red flags.
Minka333 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 You must be subconsciously emitting negative vibes from the past. He must've have sensed it and decided it won't form into a healthy relationship. You need to rethink your mindset and adjust your attitude. Negative past experiences often affects one's mindset...but it doesn't necessarily translate to future disaster especially if you have learned from them.* You are right, it's not them..it's you. You must be repeating the same approach to your relationships over and over again. Try to figure out what it is. Are you needy, clingy or emotionally dependent? If so, work towards improving that aspect. Men often admire women who knows what she wants and won't settle for less than what she deserves. They go for someone who displays strength and a sense of independence and maturity. Women who don't fall for bulls*t are usually the ones they don't wanna mess around with. If you value and love yourself first, these men will sense it. They often act according to what they see..and the natural progression of mutual respect usually follows.
Author AlisaMarie Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 You must be subconsciously emitting negative vibes from the past. He must've have sensed it and decided it won't form into a healthy relationship. You need to rethink your mindset and adjust your attitude. Negative past experiences often affects one's mindset...but it doesn't necessarily translate to future disaster especially if you have learned from them.* You are right, it's not them..it's you. You must be repeating the same approach to your relationships over and over again. Try to figure out what it is. Are you needy, clingy or emotionally dependent? If so, work towards improving that aspect. Men often admire women who knows what she wants and won't settle for less than what she deserves. They go for someone who displays strength and a sense of independence and maturity. Women who don't fall for bulls*t are usually the ones they don't wanna mess around with. If you value and love yourself first, these men will sense it. They often act according to what they see..and the natural progression of mutual respect usually follows. See, that's the thing! I am NONE of what you described! I am independent, thoughtful, and relaxed! In my past I have surely struggled with being codependency, but I would say for the past 6 years... I never let them see me sweat. I open my heart when appropriate and shut my mouth when necessary. One thing that I thought of though, is that I give many chances. I accept too many apologies.
Minka333 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 See, that's the thing! I am NONE of what you described! I am independent, thoughtful, and relaxed! In my past I have surely struggled with being codependency, but I would say for the past 6 years... I never let them see me sweat. I open my heart when appropriate and shut my mouth when necessary. One thing that I thought of though, is that I give many chances. I accept too many apologies. Then if that's the case, you must be dealing with the wrong types of men. Since you have a good head on you shoulder and knows how to act, it must be the question of your choices. It all depends on what type of men do you usually attract. Are they the emotional unavailable types? The commitment phobes? Or it probably all boils to not having encountered the right man yet...
Author AlisaMarie Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 Then if that's the case, you must be dealing with the wrong types of men. Since you have a good head on you shoulder and knows how to act, it must be the question of your choices. It all depends on what type of men do you usually attract. Are they the emotional unavailable types? The commitment phobes? Or it probably all boils to not having encountered the right man yet... Ahhhh, is anyone emotionally available these days??? I think you're right.
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