standtall Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I simply told him the truth. I Because it suited your purposes and interests, not his. What you did to your 9 yr old son was as despicable as what your wife did to you...as a matter of fact, your actions were worse. Typical "I told the truth" cloak..even to children. I don't go around telling my 10 yr old that mommy and daddy get it on like freaks 5 times a week, or that there is a serial freeway shooter in our area, or that people murder each other daily...just because it is the "truth", and if I don't tell them, it doesn't make me a liar. It is not their business, and it is our job as parents to protect them from the worlds nastiness until there is a time that the adults determine that they are old enough to handle it.....9 yrs old is way to young. You manipulated your son for you own selfish purposes..plain and simple.
amaysngrace Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 What happens when mommy brings home guy 1, 2 or 3? I guess they'll think that's okay too cause they don't know right from wrong? I don't care. They aren't my children. My kids know that actions have consequences and that's really all that matters to me.
Author Cedarman Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 What makes you assume that my kids don't know right from wrong? Why do you claim you "don't care", yet you've posted multiple times. Are you lying about "not caring"? Seriously, what is wrong with you?
amaysngrace Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 What makes you assume that my kids don't know right from wrong? Why do you claim you "don't care", yet you've posted multiple times. Are you lying about "not caring"? Seriously, what is wrong with you? I was being honest when I said I don't care. They aren't my children. Of all the people who've posted here you seem to fancy my statements. So quit projecting at me. Good luck in raising your children.
Soxfaninfl Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Because it suited your purposes and interests, not his. What you did to your 9 yr old son was as despicable as what your wife did to you...as a matter of fact, your actions were worse. Typical "I told the truth" cloak..even to children. I don't go around telling my 10 yr old that mommy and daddy get it on like freaks 5 times a week, or that there is a serial freeway shooter in our area, or that people murder each other daily...just because it is the "truth", and if I don't tell them, it doesn't make me a liar. It is not their business, and it is our job as parents to protect them from the worlds nastiness until there is a time that the adults determine that they are old enough to handle it.....9 yrs old is way to young. You manipulated your son for you own selfish purposes..plain and simple. Your ignorant and know nothing of this subject. Let me explain it to you again since you don't get it. He didn't understand why we could not get along and get back together. I explained to him that his mother no longer wanted to be with his daddy and wanted to be with someone else. I didn't give him any other details and didn't bad mouth his mother. He understood that. I didn't give him any other information, and he didn't ask anymore. He got it. Don't try to be an expert on this subject becuase you know nothing about it or have experienced it. I'm done with you.
standtall Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 What happens when mommy brings home guy 1, 2 or 3? I guess they'll think that's okay too cause they don't know right from wrong? So what? She can bring home guy 4-6..that has nothing to do with telling your kids anything about what you do as an adult? Just because a mom is a slut does not mean their a bad parent, nor is anymore the 9 yr old's business about what adults do sexually, or in a relationship. I can think of a 1001 better ways to teach your children a lesson about right and wrong other than telling them that mommy ruined the family and does't love daddy anymore...how f****** cruel can you get? Will just say anything to try to justify an inherently cruel argument? First it about the "truth", now it's about lessons of right and wrong..what will your argument morph into next? King Solomon said cut the kid in half, but didn't really mean it, but you sure do.
standtall Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Your ignorant and know nothing of this subject. Let me explain it to you again since you don't get it. He didn't understand why we could not get along and get back together. I explained to him that his mother no longer wanted to be with his daddy and wanted to be with someone else. I didn't give him any other details and didn't bad mouth his mother. He understood that. I didn't give him any other information, and he didn't ask anymore. He got it. Don't try to be an expert on this subject becuase you know nothing about it or have experienced it. I'm done with you. That's the best you have? "Your ignorant" and "Im done with you". the sounds of a person who is starting to second guess themselves. I'm just going by what you said, which is something pretty bad to tell a 9 yr old. Do you think that maybe,,just a little..in his little boy, undeveloped mind, that maybe he thought that he was to blame? Or maybe that because he was being punished for something he did wrong? I think that you did what you did because you were only thinking of yourself and how you could get your son to view his mother like you do....I think that what you did to your son was pretty cruel and you don't want to hear it. At least your ex victimized an adult...you..who is a lot more emotionally equipped to handle that kind of rejection than a 9y old boy is. King Solomon said cut the child in half...I'm hear to remind you it was a test..something that you have failed to understand.
Darth Vader Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I am telling the kids the truth as well. But they do not need to know every little detail at this point in their lives and at this point in the disruption to our family. In time, they will know, I am sure of this. You cannot put the genie back in the bottle. Telling my kids their Mom had an affair (in 2009) and poisoned our marriage with the subsequent lies and coverups does not help them. She is still their mother and they love her. It accomplishes nothing by giving them a reason, at their age (and 11 is still young) to dislike or blame their mother. I am mad and angry enough to tell them, but have been biting my tongue. It will make ME feel better, but nobody has convinced me that it is in my kids best interest to do so. Inform your children that their "Mommy" did something very bad to you which you can't tell them yet, because they're too young to understand! But, make it clear you will tell them in a few years when they are able to understand! So, give them enough information to have a grasp as to why you were yelling at their mother, otherwise, your STBXW will paint you as the bad guy! By doing this, you are telling them the truth without giving away too much info in which they can't process yet. Now, if the older one/s ask you plainly, "did Mom sleep with someone else", then tell that child the truth! You'd be surprised as to how much children know these days! 2
standtall Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) [quote=Darth Vader;4359531 So, give them enough information to have a grasp as to why you were yelling at their mother, otherwise, your STBXW will paint you as the bad guy! So again you just proved my point!!!!.To all you posters that think it is okay to tell a small child any details whatsoever about what the other parent did in a divorce. It is all about you and how you are perceived...not what is in the best interest of the child. With that statement, you proved that it's all about pitting your child against your ex and creating parental alienation under the BS cloak of telling the "truth". How dare the cheating ex paint me as the bad guy ..it's all about me and my interests. I will jump in the gutter with them and beat them to the punch and emotionally abuse my children by telling them that mommy is bad just so they don't get away with it. That is utterly despicable behavior and makes you WORSE than the cheating spouse...shame on you. If this is the way you think, then it is in the child's best interest that you get limited visitation for their protection. G** do I feel sorry for your children to have a toxic. poisonous parent like you. This goes to the posters that liked your post as well. Wow! I couldn't have proved my point better...thanks. Edited October 31, 2012 by standtall
riverratt Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 My son is 12 and I was honest with him. These things should come from their parents not the rumor mill. They will find out on their own. Their mother and you should sit down and tell them. I was in the same situation and I told my son that myself and mom didn't work out. It is nobodies fault it is just what happened. Don't put a blame on the family coming apart on either parent no matter what happened. If you want to have a good relationship with your kids you are going to have to some damage control for your ex. Too your kids you will hacking mom and not your ex wife. Remember that. This isn't about your ex anymore. It is about mom. Just yesterday, I had to give my son some attitude adjustment. He dis-respected his mom. I nailed him. I reminded him that "my name" and "her name" are divorced but mom and dad or not. You have to suck it up and be mom and dad now. Not husband and wife..It is tough at first to separate the two but you will very glad you did.. 1
amaysngrace Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 My son is 12 and I was honest with him. These things should come from their parents not the rumor mill. They will find out on their own. Exactly. It's difficult to hear no matter who is telling them but if it comes from you they'll respect you for it. And don't we as parents expect honesty from our children? Well it works both ways. 1
standtall Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) My son is 12 and I was honest with him. These things should come from their parents not the rumor mill. . And by doing so, you are abusive. What rumor mill is a 12 yr old exposed to? They're not an attorney in some workplace. The only place that their going to hear it is perhaps from an acquaintance, and unlike some of the bitter, betrayed ones, most adults have enough common sense to not discuss cheating with 12 yr olds, so I would lay bets that your 12 yr old's friends didn't know anything about it. What lengths you people will go to to justify bad mouthing your ex. You were hurt, and gosh darn it your going to hurt your ex even at the cost of your child's peace of mind. All under the excuse of telling the truth. King Solomon is weeping. Edited October 31, 2012 by standtall
riverratt Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 .To all you posters that think it is okay to tell a small child any details whatsoever about what the other parent did in a divorce. It is all about you and how you are perceived...not what is in the best interest of the child. You are wrong my friend. They deserve some details. When I talked to my son I didn't blame his mother for anything but he looked at me and told me that he already knew. He figured it out on his own and thanked me for being honest with him. Kids are not stupid and see a lot more then we give them credit. My son still has some bitterness about his mom just because she wasn't honest with him. I didn't say throw stones at the other parent. 2
amaysngrace Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 You are wrong my friend. They deserve some details. When I talked to my son I didn't blame his mother for anything but he looked at me and told me that he already knew. He figured it out on his own and thanked me for being honest with him. Kids are not stupid and see a lot more then we give them credit. My son still has some bitterness about his mom just because she wasn't honest with him. I didn't say throw stones at the other parent. I have a strong suspicion that some posters are more of the corporal type parents who don't speak openly with their children but rather just tell them. 2
riverratt Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 What lengths you people will go to to justify bad mouthing your ex. I never said anything bad about his mom.. Didn't you read and see where I mentioned not blaming each other? Dude, get off your box and realize your kids are as dumb as you think they are. 1
standtall Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 And don't we as parents expect honesty from our children? Well it works both ways. And that is exactly 100% wrong. They are not adults...period. They do not rationalize as adults, they are not emotional equipped like adults, and they do not behave like adults. No one is saying to lie to them...but you do not have to volunteer all the details about a divorce because it is adult conversation and is for their emotional protection not to tell them. You tell them it is none of their business. When they are adults, and come to you and ask, then that is different...you make the decision about whether to tell them then, but not volunteering it to a 10 yr old does not make one a liar. By your logic, not volunteering my atm pin, not telling by children that there is a serial killer loose, not telling them how often mom and dad have sex or when we do, would make one a liar. It is simply none of their business. 1
standtall Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Dude, get off your box and realize your kids are as dumb as you think they are. Can't make a valid point so you attack my kids..by the way you treated your 12 yr old, I'm not surprised..kid abuser.
standtall Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 You are wrong my friend. And you are an emotional abuser of your son.
riverratt Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I have a strong suspicion that some posters are more of the corporal type parents who don't speak openly with their children but rather just tell them. You are exactly right... I have already asked my son if he was ok if I dated somebody else. Very open with him. He said he was cool with it. He understood. When that point comes they will be properly introduced and included in things. He will not be pushed to the side for dad to just have some "fun". Not gonna happen. That would be dis-respecting him. Just my opinion. 1
riverratt Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 And you are an emotional abuser of your son. Explain to me how I abused him by talking about something he already knew? 2
standtall Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 You are exactly right... I have already asked my son if he was ok if I dated somebody else. Very open with him. He said he was cool with it. He understood. When that point comes they will be properly introduced and included in things. He will not be pushed to the side for dad to just have some "fun". Not gonna happen. That would be dis-respecting him. Just my opinion. Keep treating your kids as equals and you will see what you get. My children are not my friends, I am not their buddy...I am their father, and I guide them and protect them from the ugliness of the world until they are old enough, and emotionally equipped enough to handle it.
standtall Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Explain to me how I abused him by talking about something he already knew? You cannot be reasoned with..you called children that you do not know stupid...mine...attack me tough guy..not them. Go back to bullying and abusing your own children. I am done responding to you.
riverratt Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Can't make a valid point so you attack my kids.. I never attacked your kids.. I gave them more credit then you do.. I never mentioned cheating to him. That came up in conversation by him because she thought he was just a kid. He picked up on it before I did. She failed to give him any credit other then being an ignorant 12 year old. I then went on damage control FOR HER. No, I don't treat him like an adult but I don't treat him like an ignorant 12 year old either. 2
amaysngrace Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Explain to me how I abused him by talking about something he already knew? You were expecting a reasonable response to this reasonable question? 1
riverratt Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 What is the *purpose* for informing your children of your partner's indiscretions? I totally agree with this question.. Thats why I mentioned that people will be a lot better off if they separate husband and wife from mom and dad.. Don't bad mouth the other person. While, for example, husband slams wife for an affair the kids will see it as dad slamming mom. That is bad. I did not do that at all. The affair in my situation my son brought up to me. Wasn't going there till he did. At that point I couldn't lie to him. With that attitude things have been great. Dad and mom are working great together. Focusing on dad and mom has, actually, helped bury the issues we had as husband and wife. 2
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