So sick of being told “You’re a lovely girl but…”

[Hopeoverexperience]

I got dumped for the fourth time in a row today.

 

And for the fourth time in a row I was told how much I was liked and respected, how much he enjoyed my company and that he’d really like to be my friend. Now perhaps I’m naïve but I’ve believed it every time and, not including today’s dumper (time will tell), every time they’ve made an effort to sustain a friendship with me without any active encouragement from me.

 

I don’t find it comforting anymore. I wish they hated me. I wish I was impossible to be with. I wish they’d never found me remotely attractive or interesting in the first place.

 

It doesn’t help that on three out of these four occasions I’ve been dumped in favour of an ex. “You’re a lovely girl but… actually I prefer mad women who set fire to curtains/are completely dependent on me/feel violated when I touch them.”

 

I can’t even be angry – if someone doesn’t feel a certain way, I can’t see that shouting is going to help. So, I put it down to another one of those things. Pick myself up, brush myself down and, when an appropriate opportunity arises, start all over again. I have great friends, lots of interests and a good social life but this whole dating thing is becoming soul destroying.

[Karlise13]

DATING FREAKING SUCKS!!!

 

I know...been there many times.

 

I am very grateful to be in a really good relationship now. I cherish it daily because some of the bad dating moments are forever seared into my brain.

 

LIKE...

 

* The guy who started out normal but then turned into a nasty phone/cyber stalker who wrote filthy, horrible emails to me on a daily baisis for months.

 

 

* The seemingly-together guy who worked for IBM who later....as it turned out....had a bad coke & hooker habit (nice combo) and a mountain of debt.

 

 

*The "OK Finally I've Met a Decent Man!" guy who was perfect for 5 months, even said "I Love You' and then, a week after that, had a freak-out in his local mall and called me to break up with me with a 'It's Not You It's Me' speech all ready to go. Thanks!

 

 

* The married guy who wanted to 'work out an arrangement' that would allow him to stay married while I did him on the side. Nuh thanks.

 

 

Need I go on?

 

 

You'll find the good one. You just gotta wade through some crap sometimes.

 

Here's a trick; don't let it get romantic or sexual for a while. I'm talking 3-4 months. If he's still interested in seeing you after that, he really likes YOU.

[dudesomewhere]

and don't have sex with me for a whole year...goddamnit I'll prove it to all women!

 

hehe

 

and what do you mean 4th time in a row today...4xs in 1 day? By one person? You went on 4 dates with 4 different guys? What the hey?

[Olivia_19742004]

“You’re a lovely girl but… actually I prefer mad women who set fire to curtains/are completely dependent on me/feel violated when I touch them.”

 

And you're sorry you got dumped by these guys? Pick different men. Next time you go out and meet a guy ask yourself if anything about him reminds you of the other four you dated and if there is something then run. Who wants drama like this in their life?

 

(Yes, I'm being a little sarcastic here. The point being..pick different men. )

[havNfun]

Here's a trick; don't let it get romantic or sexual for a while. I'm talking 3-4 months. If he's still interested in seeing you after that, he really likes YOU.

 

sometimes that helps. BUT, what if she keeps being dumped because she doesn't put out at all?

 

OP, are you fun and put out a lot?

 

 

anyway, hang in there. Being dumped cuts hard - but just always remember that they cut you - you didn't cut them. So, it is their loss and you walk away with knowing you are a good person and didn't hurt anyone. Stay honest and your rewards will come.

 

hugs

[Hopeoverexperience]

Re: What the?

Four 'relationships' of varying degrees of seriousness (from dating to engaged) over the past few years. On top of my fair share of 'going nowhere' one dates.

 

Re: Pick different men

I do. I really do. Although I guess their common thread is the fact that they're all attractive to me which says alot about me and what I find attractive I guess. Short of psychometrics, I'm not sure what more I can do. I could try men that aren't attractive to me but that just seems unfair.

 

Re: Putting Out and Being Fun

Yes to both. Only when it seems right though.

 

My twenties were awful. I was a mess. I was a successful workaholic for years but I was seriously depressed. I pulled myself out of that, decided to properly engage with the world, quit my job and moved to the seaside. I don't need to work for a while and am hoping to start a masters in philosophy in the autumn. In myself I'm happier than I've been since I was a young teenager but I'm tired of being alone and equally tired of dating.

 

Just how many frogs is a girl supposed to kiss?

[KaiaMahina]

or completely insane, or emotionally abusive, or physically violent, or indicriminately promiscuous, or frigid, or a demanding money pit, or a murderous harpie with 6 children by 6 different men and an ex in prison and a serious, incurable sexually transmitted disease

 

than being a kind, loving, compassionate, attractive, sensible, respectful, gainfully employed, intelligent, creative and self-sufficient woman that any man with two brain cells rubbing together would throw himself under a train rather than lose.

 

Because what you get by being all those wonderful things is a man telling that you're a magnificent woman and that there is no one like you, and that you'll never be forgotten and what else you'll get is an invitation to his god damn wedding to some fire-breathing gorgon who will shake him down for this last penny and slash all his tires just for something to do on a Friday night.

 

You're not alone, sweetheart. I get the same treatment. And all of these misfit morons who had the temerity to give me my walking papers keep in touch with me on a regular basis to tell how how their new wife/girlfriend won't have sex with them or how she wrecked the new car he just bought her, or how she threatened to push a steaming iron in his face one morning when she was feeling a bit miffed.

 

These are the same men who loved you because they were weary with "drama," and wanted some comfort, security and stability from a relationship. These are the same men who lavished praise on you because they didn't have to dismantle the Eiffel Tower with their bare hands and put it back together again to get you to have sex with them -- and then BUY you something to make up for the inconvenience! These are the same men who found it refreshing that you didn't put Draino in their beer because they called you at 10:01 instead of 10:00 sharp.

 

Yeah, sister, I'm with you. Same leaky boat, same scum encrusted ocean. And it's no use trying to find a different kind of man. There aren't any! They all seem to LOVE sadistic, mean-spirited, high-maintenance, crazy b**ches. One guy I dated didn't give his wife the heave-ho until he found $30,000 missing from his savings account...that she used for cocaine. And that was only AFTER she refused to go into rehab. He then met me, wasted 2.5 years of my life, dumped me, and married a woman who came from another country. Once she got her green card, her legs mysteriously sealed shut and he remembered that there was something called "sex" but couldn't quite recall how it worked.

 

It makes you wonder why you bother, doesn't it?

[Mr Spock]

I'm not sure what to say to help-I seem to attract ones that say "I really want to f*ck you. In fact I wanted to f*ck you from the first moment I saw you"

 

And then go home to their SO's.

 

 

At least you're DATING....

[EC]

Been there spock..

 

It's like I've wanted to **** you since the first day I saw you.

 

They just look at my outside and forget I have a brain as well.

Or choose to ignore that fact.

 

Or I'm soo cool that I'm always one of the boys. I look at you like my homeboy.

 

I thought I was cursed for life. But It changed and it will change for you HOPE give it time.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd

Been there spock..

 

It's like I've wanted to **** you since the first day I saw you.

 

They just look at my outside and forget I have a brain as well.

Or choose to ignore that fact.

 

Or I'm soo cool that I'm always one of the boys. I look at you like my homeboy.

 

I thought I was cursed for life. But It changed and it will change for you HOPE give it time.

 

AHHAHAHA I thought that second line was directed towards ME.

 

Eternally confused, I hardly know you!! At least let's go to a movie first...

[HoldOn]

Originally posted by Hopeoverexperience

I got dumped for the fourth time in a row today.

 

And for the fourth time in a row I was told how much I was liked and respected, how much he enjoyed my company and that he’d really like to be my friend. Now perhaps I’m naïve but I’ve believed it every time and, not including today’s dumper (time will tell), every time they’ve made an effort to sustain a friendship with me without any active encouragement from me.

 

I don’t find it comforting anymore. I wish they hated me. I wish I was impossible to be with. I wish they’d never found me remotely attractive or interesting in the first place.

 

It doesn’t help that on three out of these four occasions I’ve been dumped in favour of an ex. “You’re a lovely girl but… actually I prefer mad women who set fire to curtains/are completely dependent on me/feel violated when I touch them.”

 

I can’t even be angry – if someone doesn’t feel a certain way, I can’t see that shouting is going to help. So, I put it down to another one of those things. Pick myself up, brush myself down and, when an appropriate opportunity arises, start all over again. I have great friends, lots of interests and a good social life but this whole dating thing is becoming soul destroying.

 

Hey I don't know everything, but you seem to be picking men who all have the same compulsion for "complicated" women! Maybe you can look for some red flags in all these men and figure out what's driving you toward them and what you SHOULD be looking for.

 

Another thing that comes to mind is that maybe you make it TOO EASY for them. I am not saying that you are easy sexually. But maybe you should be a little more challenging for men, such as not pursuing them and being busy sometimes. Rather than being available at all times and pursuing men. Just an idea...

[EC]

LOL Ur right spock where are my manners.

 

I guess I figured if I was honest..No games..LMAO:lmao:

 

Whats funny is some guys are like that though..

They ask you str8 up wanna F*ck?

I look at them like...what girls do you usually hang out with guy?

 

 

But anyways..Hope maybe your looking for the wrong guys. Like my moms told me you have to let the 'right' guy 'find' you.

[simplybrill]

hahhahaha,,,god this is good stuff.

 

Ive been in situations similar...if not worse guys. But I wont bore you with the wretched details

 

KaiaMahina, you're great haha, Ive definitely been dumped, twice in fact by the same guy- for some horrid psychotic, super needy, depressed, obsessive girl...and I never understood it. YEA he came to ME, because I wasnt drama prone, and wasnt causing havoc on a regular basis for him...and he left me to get back with her...and low and behold, they're not together anymore, haha. I run into him regularly, unfortunately...Its wierd, because its been 2 years since we broke up- so I feel the need to let it all be water under the bridge and be human to him,,,but at the same time, I hope one day he suffers as much as he made me cry myself to sleep, wondering why, and what I did to make him go back to her.

[FolderWife]

OMG!!! I so remember way back when every guy had some woman that he hated so much.....that I got dumped for 2 months later!!!!!!!!!

 

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!! When you break up with someone, YOU DON'T GO BACK TO THEM YOU IDIOTS!!!! YOU BREAK UP FOR A REASON!!!! How am I not as good as that psycho you dumped!?!?! How am I not as good as that cheating ex!?!?!

 

Trust me, I've been there. It got to the point, that I thought that since I waited until 18 to start dating, that every man had a woman that had laid claim to him already, and that even though the guy was single at the time, his ex was going to show up and steal him from me.

 

It happened to me like 8 times before I met my husband

 

JEEZE!!! If you're going to see other people, make sure you're over your ex.

 

(I was in a pretty good mood, but drudging up this memory has made me very angry )

[KaiaMahina]

Oh, Monday! That you suffered through that sort of medieval torture no less than 8 times and THEN met your husband is the best hope that I've had in many a day! Bravo!!! I'll bet that long about #7 you were thinking that you would be better off as a nun in a 100 foot high walled up tower without the slightest inkling that such creatures as "men" even existed. You perservered, girl...big time! For lo these many years I've have slowly and unwillingly become convinced that the only way I'll get a boyfriend or husband is to develop leprosy, be in hock to South American druglords and kill my entire family with an axe.

 

And Eternally and Spock...isn't that just the way it goes? I have experienced the same "complimentary behavior" of being told how much these gentleman want to put the boots to me, in great repetition and tiresome detail. But care about me? Be concerned as to whether I'm warm in the winter or if my little tummy hurts after a half gallon of Hagen Daz? Or if I live or bloody die?

 

I mean, what if I were to say, "I wanna bankrupt you so bad! Oh, my god, I dream about taking every dollar out of your bank account and converting it to change so that I can wallow in it naked with a 20-year-old male boxer shorts model! I've wanted my name on the deed to your house and the pink slip on your car since the minute I saw you! Oh, baaaaby!" Ugh.

[EC]

KAIA Oh man... :lmao:

 

Ain't that the truth!

[Hopeoverexperience]

Thank you. Some of the funniest posts ever I think.

 

It's not hopeless and, you know, I've met some interesting people along the way. And I just keep learning all the time!

 

I don't hold with the 'not making it easy' theory. I'm not playing games. It's not me. Like me for who I am. Sometimes genuinely unavailable or simply enjoying my own time, other times wanting someone special to share my time with. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was calculating every move and I'm not about to start doing it. It might be a high risk strategy, but I'll take the rough with the smooth and everything will work itself out in the end. There's only two certain things in life... the rest I'll take my chances with.

 

I saw the guy who dumped me today. We really hadn't been seeing each other very long and y'know what... I like him alot but it's not love. Perhaps it would have been given time but equally maybe not. If he's in love with someone else, whatever she's like (and I have no idea what the circumstances of this one are - and I don't want to), he's done the right thing.

[simplybrill]

well, it may not be love, but its one step closer to the right guy