derrdic3 Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 normally im pretty keen on picking up if ive been dropped in the dreaded friend zone but this time its a little unusual and want to see some peoples opinion on it. been going out with a great girl that i met online for going on 3 weeks now. 4-5 great dates. i see signs that she is into me, holding hands, cuddling, arms around each other, i kiss her on the cheek and shes very receptive to all this. she has hung out with me pretty much every day shes had off the last few weeks, and the fact that shes making time for me + making a 30 minute drive out to see me or hanging out at her place a few nights till midnight, talking on the phone every night and i could go on and on the reasons i "think" shes into me. she knows my intentions and straight up told her im starting to like her more and more as the dates go on but both times i have gone in for a kiss the last 2 dates she has kind of just turned her head and laughed off the uncomfortable moment. I brought up the issue last night and she says right now she is really looking to get to meet friends (new to the state only 2 months) and no hurry for anything else right now. i understand both sides, but it just doesnt feel like ive been truely put in the "friend zone". even after we talked she still wants to hangout like normal. could it possible shes just not ready for a relationship? should i still pursue it knowing i already made my intentions with her clear? or is my fate doomed to the friend zone already decided
xdahliax Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 She's playing you. There's no reason for a girl to be all touchy-feely when she knows that you want more than friendship. It's inconsiderate.
Author derrdic3 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 i feel that i just dont get why. she seems too interested to not be interested if that makes sense. ive never been friend zoned by a girl and have her driving 30 miles to come see me on her days off.. maybe she just needs the company in a new environment and i happened to be the first person to come along?
xdahliax Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 i feel that i just dont get why. she seems too interested to not be interested if that makes sense. ive never been friend zoned by a girl and have her driving 30 miles to come see me on her days off.. maybe she just needs the company in a new environment and i happened to be the first person to come along? I don't know. She told you that she doesn't want a relationship, but has she told you how she feels about you?
MrCastle Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Anything that's not a yes is a no. -yes = yes -maybe = no -unsure = no -not ready yet = no -take things slow = no -i only see you as a friend = no
Carenth Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) normally im pretty keen on picking up if ive been dropped in the dreaded friend zone but this time its a little unusual and want to see some peoples opinion on it. been going out with a great girl that i met online for going on 3 weeks now. 4-5 great dates. i see signs that she is into me, holding hands, cuddling, arms around each other, i kiss her on the cheek and shes very receptive to all this. she has hung out with me pretty much every day shes had off the last few weeks, and the fact that shes making time for me + making a 30 minute drive out to see me or hanging out at her place a few nights till midnight, talking on the phone every night and i could go on and on the reasons i "think" shes into me. she knows my intentions and straight up told her im starting to like her more and more as the dates go on but both times i have gone in for a kiss the last 2 dates she has kind of just turned her head and laughed off the uncomfortable moment. I brought up the issue last night and she says right now she is really looking to get to meet friends (new to the state only 2 months) and no hurry for anything else right now. i understand both sides, but it just doesnt feel like ive been truely put in the "friend zone". even after we talked she still wants to hangout like normal. could it possible shes just not ready for a relationship? should i still pursue it knowing i already made my intentions with her clear? or is my fate doomed to the friend zone already decided Bit in bold is pretty telling she isn't in to you, backed up by what she said she doesn't want a relationship. Just remember you can't be "friendzoned" unless you agree to be her friend. If you agree to be her friend and then pine and complain she doesn't see you that way then it's no ones fault but your own. I know it sucks, if you can't deal with just been friends and when I say friends I mean friends only, not this secret agenda crap waiting for her to come around, that will blow up in your face. Just tell her "That you really enjoy spending time with her but you are not interested in more friends right now, if she wants to go out again to let you know". Leave it and move on. Edited October 28, 2012 by Carenth
Author derrdic3 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 thanks. i sent her a message asking her straight up if there is a possibility for something more or if i need to know im just a friend. no response yet but figured may as well just come out with it rather then beating around the bush
Author derrdic3 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 so her response was "your definately cool and see some traits i really like in you but for now im still getting to know you - you know?" so im guessing she may have had some bad experiences in the past that may be making her weary about hopping into a relationship? i mean 5 dates going on 3 weeks is about the right time to start seeing where the relationship is going right? i feel like it was an appropriate question to ask at this point but i am terrible at wondering what a girl is thinking when she tells me something like this.. can i get an interpretation from a girl on this one? lol
xdahliax Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 so her response was "your definately cool and see some traits i really like in you but for now im still getting to know you - you know?" so im guessing she may have had some bad experiences in the past that may be making her weary about hopping into a relationship? i mean 5 dates going on 3 weeks is about the right time to start seeing where the relationship is going right? i feel like it was an appropriate question to ask at this point but i am terrible at wondering what a girl is thinking when she tells me something like this.. can i get an interpretation from a girl on this one? lol I'd just move on. She is either not ready to date anyone, or she just doesn't feel as strongly about you as you do about her. Maybe she'll come around, maybe not...if you wait around, you're gambling with your time and possibly investing more into her than you should.
Author derrdic3 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 i think im just gonna see other people and if it works out it works out. just have no expectations and be pleasantly suprised if it does
raea Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I would say dating others is probably a decent idea. If you like her, you can see where it goes but not get hung up. I understand her hesitancy, hearing some of the stories my friends have had of OLD. The guys are great at first and go all out, but if they got physical they never heard from them again. That may not be her case, but sometimes we have reasons for moving slow. I dated my current boyfriend non-exclusively with no physical contact for about a month and half until we had physical contact, so we had a few more dates than you before he received a kiss... and we turned out okay, this far. But, like I said, in that case I dated others rather than put all of my hope in him (for lack of a better word)
Author derrdic3 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 thanks for the advice. sometimes all i get is the "you are friendzoned, bail now!" type of responses and all your advice truly helped me today.. thanks everyone!
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 She definitely sounds like she's just getting to know you...which in women speak that means I don't feel compelled strongly by any romantic feelings but I like the attention, validation and feeling like I'm desired by a man. Read the posts on here, do you see women resisting men that they are emotionally compelled to be with? No, and you won't see it...why? because women are not that rational, they do what their feelings tell them to, and unless it's a long windy road of reasons to ditch a guy they stick around typically till the bitter end...sometimes it happens soon, sometimes it takes forever. She's also probably still hurt and cautious form a prior relationship so it's typical for women to date a nice guy like you who is safe and gives the attention, validation, etc that she needs, but nobody too crazy that makes her feel like she'll lose control. Can you still win under those conditions? meehhh, if you get her to sleep with you then you might be able to turn the tide as women will develop emotions after sleeping with a man, but it may not be something she decides she ultimately desires after a while, so you'll essentially be the rebound relationship. All the pieces are lined up to tell me that's what it is based on what you are saying...I guess it's up to you ultimately to "see where it goes" but personally I think people are just wasting their time, but then again that's what most people do :/
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