The_Face Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Talked to the good ol' ex girlfriend yesterday on the phone. It solidified what I pretty much already felt, things are completely, 100% over with us, in every possible way. I've known for a couple months that the idea of us as a couple was dead and buried, but I had been going along with the idea that we were functioning well as friends and partners, at least. Come to find out, that's not even happening anymore. What I don't get, is where all these problems she mentiones are coming from. One of many things she said is how we argue every time we hang out. That, for one, is an overstatement. Two, we have momentary arguments, when we do. They don't last all day, nobody is getting cursed at or belittled. They are at least civil arguments, in that sense. And they have been minimal for the last month, month and a half. Everything was going smooth, she even said so at one point. Last month leading up to now, we'd been going out regularly, we even looked at tempurpedic mattresses and talked about apartments, all sorts of stuff. Again, it had already been long decided that there was no hidden agenda in us living together, we both agreed there was nothing going on underneath. But we were going to do it and everything was fine. Now she claims we argued every time we hung out, every time. And she also claims whenever she tried talking to me about how we argued too much, I'd always brush it off and say all people argue and act like she was magnifying things. It's bull****. She takes little bits and pieces of true stories from the past and splices them together to work against me in some completely unrelated argument. I did say at one point that all couples argue from time to time, putting things in perspective that not all arguments are huge ones to look at as a red flag. I said this while we were dating, near the end of things. So she takes that statement and uses it against me, as if I've pulled that one out on her recently. She has never, in the last month we've been spending together, tried telling me she thinks this might not work out because we argue too much. The only inclination I would get that she is feeling anything like this at all are the few times where she's gotten all quiet on me on the ride home to her mom's. Those are the times that I've "read into things" and each time she would repeatedly assure me that there was nothing wrong and sometimes she just gets quiet. So if those aren't the times she's been feeling like we argue too much, then when has she given me any idea to think she feels that way? There are none! As of the last two months, we haven't had a problem or an important "talk" about anything. It's been all fun and good stuff. The other wierd thing she pulled out on me last night in the conversation was how she didn't want to live with me under our current stipulations, something about how it seemed like I wanted something more out of the situation, like wanted her as my gf. I was the one who had to take charge a few months back and make the decision we are just friends, when SHE was the one who said she needed time and didn't want to rush anything. I took charge and said, for the sake of being able to live together happily and successfully for that first year of the baby's life, we need to have a clear understanding of where we stand. Now she uses that as one of her many reasons she changed her mind all of a sudden, that I want something more out of this. Why was she looking at mattresses with me? Having sex with me? Talking about all the things we can do together when we live together with the baby? I don't get her at all. None of it makes sense. I guess I'll be the scapegoat in this girl's world and that's the badge I'll have to wear. **** living together, that's not the issue. I'm over the plan not working out. It just hurts me alot to think she has to change her mind under these pretenses, she feels the need to justify it with this huge list of problems she's written up in her head, none of which have been recent or relevant. This all blew up because I mentioned my nagging fears of not being the baby's father again. Period. Everything was fine before that. These problems she speaks of now are old ones, she blurs the past together and makes old problems into current problems again. What the ****. Dealing with a pregnant girl is extremely difficult. Her opinions and ideas have changed dramatically, back and forth, sometimes (like right now) with little to no warning. And I'm always the bad guy. Can anyone help me out? I don't know how well I wrote any of this to where you could tell me your opinion on my ex's or my behavior, but anything anyone's got will be appreciated. I need some sort of guidance here.
Balzac Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 (edited) It sounds like influence from "outsiders" or in her case, parent. She conjures up excuses and scapegoating because explaining cohabitation but no ongoing romantic relationship doesn't sell well to her folks. FWIW that's my thought. She's having nice interaction with you, sexual fun but seems to dread the drop off. Edited October 30, 2012 by Balzac
Recommended Posts