dana999 Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 think i finally got closure today. the last 2 months without my ex have been hell. work has dragged and all i think about is her. weekends are worse because she has moved on and made new friends and is out chasing guys and (what seems like) enjoying herself, posting pictures on facebook, it teared me apart until i stopped looking. i saw her today, she has changed so much i hardly recognise her, she was with her friend and out came all this attitude. i tried to bite my toungue but i couldnt, we ended up having an argument and i said to her friend "this is what you did to us, i hope you are happy". her new friend is the one who really changed her, showing her places to go out, introducing her to guys who all showed her the attention she wants. anyway, my ex got so mad she started hitting me, and i drove away. it shocked me but i think i needed it. i no longer think of all the things i did for her, i no longer think of the good times we had together (although i treasure them as memories). i block any thoughts of her with someone else, because that truely is the hardest part for me. but she is no longer the girl i fell in love with :'( she is full of attitude and loving her new friends and new found freedom. i went out for the first time last week with a friend and i met a girl, i did find myself comparing her to my ex, and we went shopping and i did find myself thinking mm my ex would love that as a gift. i used to buy her lots of gifts because i loved her. BUT i made an effort to go out without her and feel much better for that. i dont think i will ever find anyone like her ever again, she was soooo special and a part of me is still in love with her. but its important to say, i am in love with the person that she was not who she is now. it just took her losing control for me to see it. nc begins soon. i know it will be hard and my dreams of our future together (we had so many similar interests and dreams) are crushed. but again they were dreams made with a past girl that i loved, not who she is now. i would give everything i have to go back 2 years BUT when i think about it, i think with attention seeking being in her nature it was bound to happen. we had such good times together and i do not regret them, but now she comes back to me every now and again when she wants something because we are "friends". it still hurts me when i see pictures of her on facebook, she is beautiful, it hurts me when i see her and she is all dressed up, it hurts me to imagine my life without her. but beneath the image of her lies a different person. i now know this. i know i will have bad days, but i am starting to accept the loss :-( sorry for the disjointed post, felt like sharing :-)
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