I don't know .

[tori0001]

The man I have been dating G, he sent me a message this morning saying how he knows that he has not been giving me the deserved attention I need. Due to his pending divorce and his daughter, it's been difficult, and he hopes I understand. Yest we where suppose to get together, but due to Hurricane Sandy coming in he flaked, said he needed to be closer to his daughter, so I deleted him from my messenger, this is what caused him to send me this message.

 

I answered him back saying when you're divorced and single we can try again. He said why am I doing this, I thought we had something special, and leaving him when he needed me the most. I said we really don't talk and mentally and emotionally he can't give me what I need, not now. He says I am a priority to him. If this is what I want so be it.

 

I don't know what to do, there has to be changes. He sent me another message to reconsider.

[mammasita]

You're doing the right thing. It's a terrible mistake to get involved with someone who is "separated", I.e. still attached to another person in any form.

 

I think if he truly has feelings for you, he will respect your wishes (as long as you stand your ground) and wait until his divorce is final before pursuing a relationship with you.

[River Rain]

My bf works insane shifts (4 days on, 4 days off, 13 hours shifts), has a daughter who lives 2 hours away whom he visits on his off days, and we're long distance. I'll be honest with you, during the summer I felt that he wasn't giving me the attention I needed and I felt very lonely in that relationship. We ended up breaking up, but now we're back together and I have a better view of his struggles. He WANTS me to be the priority in his life, and I know I am because he told me so, but if it were between me or his daughter, I would hope he would choose his daughter because I know what it's like to be neglected as a child.

 

What I'm getting at is that he probably sees you as a priority, wants to give you more, but he just can't and it's frustrating him.

 

If you're willing to lose him, then stick to your guns. But is it possible to give him a little slack until he settles his life down a little?

[tori0001]

I really like him, but things have to change. He can't always ignore my calls, when he says he's going to call, then call, and I need to see him a bit more. I know it's long distance, but more then what we have been, and talk to me. Really talk to me.

[tori0001]

I feel so lonely, and I am terrified of getting hurt. I am not selfish, I know his daughter is the most important person to him. He's flaked twice to me, he says because of his daughter. I understood. I think right now, he can't handle being with someone. I don't know. We'll talk tonight. I miss him.

[River Rain]

I really like him, but things have to change. He can't always ignore my calls, when he says he's going to call, then call, and I need to see him a bit more. I know it's long distance, but more then what we have been, and talk to me. Really talk to me.

 

Well, despite everything, if the communication breaks down, that's a really bad thing to happen. Bf and I now have an agreement, a daily phone call. I'm sure you already have, but can you ask him to agree to that until the divorce is settled and he has more time?

[River Rain]

I feel so lonely, and I am terrified of getting hurt. I am not selfish, I know his daughter is the most important person to him. He's flaked twice to me, he says because of his daughter. I understood. I think right now, he can't handle being with someone. I don't know. We'll talk tonight. I miss him.

 

I hope you can get through to him. The distance is hard enough to handle, but you're right, he does need to step up at some level. You two might actually need a break to put things into perspective. I hope that's not the case though, it's hard when you want something so badly and the other person doesn't respond the same way.

[xdahliax]

I guess I'm the only one here who thinks you're overreacting. I'm not quite sure what you expected getting into this relationship.

He has a daughter, therefore you will never be a top priority. Children are, and should always be, a top priority. It really sucks that he flaked, but he really is going through a lot and you should know if he's been speaking to you about it. If he rarely ever cancels, and when he does it's for this daughter, that would make him a keeper.

[tori0001]

Xd, you don't know the full story. Part of the problem is , he doesn't talk to me. Every morning I get good morning, but no conversation. It would be ok if seen each other regularly, but the distance makes it hard. I have no idea what's going in in his life. Talking to him this morning, I told him so. The distance and break down in communication is nit good. He promised to call me once a day. He said he was afraid to be too pushy,and come across as a whiner. He didn't want to d on me.. he said hes suppise to be my rock not me his. I told him, talk to me. This would have not happened had he talked to me. U said I had to be drastic, you wouldn't listen before. God I like him, but we have to communicate.

[xdahliax]

Xd, you don't know the full story. Part of the problem is , he doesn't talk to me. Every morning I get good morning, but no conversation. It would be ok if seen each other regularly, but the distance makes it hard. I have no idea what's going in in his life. Talking to him this morning, I told him so. The distance and break down in communication is nit good. He promised to call me once a day. He said he was afraid to be too pushy,and come across as a whiner. He didn't want to d on me.. he said hes suppise to be my rock not me his. I told him, talk to me. This would have not happened had he talked to me. U said I had to be drastic, you wouldn't listen before. God I like him, but we have to communicate.

 

Well that conversation seems like a right step in the way of communication. Now that you've discussed it, will you give him another chance?

[tori0001]

Of course. He feels better and so do I. He knew what was happening, and I bottled it internally, then came out in anger.