Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 So the death metal guy, who I am highly attracted to is being unsure of what he wants. He basically told me that he has been on his own for so long and content that way, that he is not sure what he wants in his future. I never pushed him to define anything, he just came out and said it himself. That said, he still wants to keep seeing me. We haven't had sex and I don't intend to. His actions are consistent with him being "unsure". Contact every few days but not more than that. I am a bit torn between keeping this going (while dating others too) or just dropping him all together.
MrCastle Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 He wants to have sex with you no strings attached. Man: "I'm unsure" = I'm sure, but you wouldn't like my answer. So I'm going to say unsure in the hopes of getting laid while not being tied down to you. Woman: "I'm unsure" = I don't like you. 6
xdahliax Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I'd drop him. I'd interpret it as him not liking me enough to want me in his future or to give up any type of freedom for me. It's one thing when someone says that they're not ready to date because of ___ and ___, but this honestly seems like a BS reason.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 Thanks guys, I thought so
NoMoreJerks Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 He wants to have sex with you no strings attached. Man: "I'm unsure" = I'm sure, but you wouldn't like my answer. So I'm going to say unsure in the hopes of getting laid while not being tied down to you. Woman: "I'm unsure" = I don't like you. Yeah. This. Exactly this. Was the case with my ex too.
tigressA Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 He just wants to get laid and is willing to stick around for awhile in hopes of it, and will drop off the face of the earth once he finds someone else who'll give him what he wants before you will. If that's not what you want, then drop him.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 Yeah. This. Exactly this. Was the case with my ex too. Blah. Men are soooooo lame
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 So are women. Maybe ......... 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 But don't you want to have sex with him? I really do SF, that's the thing. And I think I may be able to handle what's coming after sex. A part of me is scared that I will fall for him and get hurt. I am not that invested at this point. But after sex, who knows?
xdahliax Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I really do SF, that's the thing. And I think I may be able to handle what's coming after sex. A part of me is scared that I will fall for him and get hurt. I am not that invested at this point. But after sex, who knows? Not worth the risk IMO. I'd also not give it to him because he's being seemingly dishonest and I'd hate to have him win.
mesmerized Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I really do SF, that's the thing. And I think I may be able to handle what's coming after sex. A part of me is scared that I will fall for him and get hurt. I am not that invested at this point. But after sex, who knows? I don't think you'll invest emotionally in him just because of sex. Its just that your ego will get hurt more after sex if he doesn't want more. If you don't care about your ego, go for it. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I really do SF, that's the thing. And I think I may be able to handle what's coming after sex. A part of me is scared that I will fall for him and get hurt. I am not that invested at this point. But after sex, who knows? But you wanted a relationship, right? So why give him something, when he is not willing to give you what you want? You're basically offering it to him? Why? You think that will make him change his mind? Think again.That's like people who break up with you but want to be friends -- use you as an emotional crutch or a fallback girl. Why do it?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 But you wanted a relationship, right? So why give him something, when he is not willing to give you what you want? You're basically offering it to him? Why? You think that will make him change his mind? Think again.That's like people who break up with you but want to be friends -- use you as an emotional crutch or a fallback girl. Why do it? No, I am sure it won't make him change his mind. I do want a relationship, but I can still be looking for it with others. I find him sexy but yes, he will win and I will lose. If you look at it that way. A part of me wants to experience casual/sexual relationship, since I was always quick to shut that down and only look for LTR guys.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 No, I am sure it won't make him change his mind. I do want a relationship, but I can still be looking for it with others. I find him sexy but yes, he will win and I will lose. If you look at it that way. A part of me wants to experience casual/sexual relationship, since I was always quick to shut that down and only look for LTR guys. You won't be able to look for it with others until you stop hanging out with him , talking to him, and move on. Been there, tried that. I thought I'd be able to, after my ex said he wanted FWB. I couldn't. I felt like crap, felt guilty, still had hope that it might work out, etc. Plus, he got jealous if he ever felt like I was meeting someone. Only you can decide, at the end of the day. But I would be very very careful trying out something like that, with someone you expected to have more than a fling with.
CptSaveAho Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I wonder he'd react to you meeting someone else or saying going on dates with someone else.. next time he wants to hang out, or has a show, let 'em know you can't make it cause you gotta a date... with a guy from an Emo band. This doesnt bother Men... and it actually makes them more attractive in the eyes of a women when they women see it doesnt bother them. It will hurt her cause 1
xdahliax Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I find him sexy but yes, he will win and I will lose. If you look at it that way. That's all I'd need. I have to win. Lmao @ emo band comment.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 This doesnt bother Men... and it actually makes them more attractive in the eyes of a women when they women see it doesnt bother them. It will hurt her cause I disagree; men get really anxious and jealous when they see the woman that they wanted to have a FWB with "date" another man... i never did this, but my ex was bothered by even the thought of it..
xdahliax Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I disagree; men get really anxious and jealous when they see the woman that they wanted to have a FWB "date" another man... i never did this, but my ex was bothered by even the thought of it.. It's because they never got to mark their territory. 2
CptSaveAho Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I disagree; men get really anxious and jealous when they see the woman that they wanted to have a FWB "date" another man... i never did this, but my ex was bothered by even the thought of it.. Boys/Jerks... get anxious and jealous I said Men
NoMoreJerks Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Boys/Jerks... get anxious and jealous I said Men And he is a man because? he has acted like one? i see no evidence of that here
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 does and it doesn't. will it bother him the extent that he's stay in bed for 3 days love sick-No. Enough for him to find and post on LS-I don't know, but that would hilarious. My only goal was that it might make him calibrate his thinking accordingly and/or not string along my forum member, where my loyalty for my post lies! Aw you are such a sweetie 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 The way I see it, I have only 2 options. 1. Drop it. 2. Invite him over to my place for next date. No point in going on formal dates when we both know where this is going. So let's get on with the sex 1
ascendotum Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Not worth the risk IMO. I'd also not give it to him because he's being seemingly dishonest and I'd hate to have him win. I disagree. He is being very upfront. If he was a bs'er he would likely be taking a different line with ES...telling a woman what they want to hear to get the nookie. I pretty much agree with MrCastle's M and F summary, but don't necessarily think he if really was to impress ES to get in her into bed, he would come out and say "been on his own for so long and content that way". I guess it depends what other signals he's been giving her. Its a rare single guy that's going to knock back sex with a an attractive woman for sure, but he sounds more ambivalent with women in general than, making that comment as a 'under the radar' to a fwb strategy or that its just ES that is not inspiring him to want her as a gf. If he has also come up with a 'come back to my place after the gig' play, then I'd say otherwise. Given you are looking for a LTR, this guy sounds like a deadend, but maybe not. Maybe no girl has come along in a while that's impressed him emotionally & mentally & physically. Maybe all it takes is for you to spend a bit more time with him for him to warm up to the concept of being in a relationship (but in the meantime just seeing him as just another prospect). You are your best judge.
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