Ajvd1 Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I am gonna try and make this as short as possible...I am in a relationship going on almost 12 years and we have two kids. We are not married and have had several problems in our relationship. 6 months ago I had a very brief affair with a man I met at my work. He was not a co-worker just to clarify. I ended the affair when I found out he was to be married. A fact he had lied to me about. Well during the 6 months we didn't talk I thought about him constantly...kept tabs on him online, etc. About a month ago my phone was in my pocket and it accidentally dialed him. This then reopened the lines of conversation between us. He told me he thinks of me a lot and also had been keeping up on me online. He likes me a lot and blah blah blah. He is married now and his wife is expecting. He also has other kids from a previous relationship in his custody. We have not met up yet but he wants to see me in the next week. I click with this man unlike I ever have with anyone before and am super attracted to him. That being said...I love my boyfriend as well and I am scared to death of hurting my family and his. I feel like he has some weird power over me and I can't resist him. WHAT DO I DO!!!???
Balzac Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Can you support your two children on your wages+child support?
Author Ajvd1 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 Yes I could but I would prefer to not...
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 what you do DONT MEET HIM ...my friend did somthing like this and meet this guy they slep togather and he never saw her after the first time beacuse hes back with the other woman now he tell her he have to figure things out she havent seen him for 5 months now hes back with the other woman now ..hes about to be married just leave him alone i bet if you meet this man we will see you make another post how broken hearted you are ,,,
Balzac Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 There are vast minions of cheater haters on LS who write tons of impassioned verbiage, I'll let them take this deep. Basically you've squandered what you had and your statement is that you don't want to hurt your family. Leave for a legitimate reason. Leave being honest.
Furious Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I am gonna try and make this as short as possible...I am in a relationship going on almost 12 years and we have two kids. We are not married and have had several problems in our relationship. 6 months ago I had a very brief affair with a man I met at my work. He was not a co-worker just to clarify. I ended the affair when I found out he was to be married. A fact he had lied to me about. Well during the 6 months we didn't talk I thought about him constantly...kept tabs on him online, etc. About a month ago my phone was in my pocket and it accidentally dialed him. This then reopened the lines of conversation between us. He told me he thinks of me a lot and also had been keeping up on me online. He likes me a lot and blah blah blah. He is married now and his wife is expecting. He also has other kids from a previous relationship in his custody. We have not met up yet but he wants to see me in the next week. I click with this man unlike I ever have with anyone before and am super attracted to him. That being said...I love my boyfriend as well and I am scared to death of hurting my family and his. I feel like he has some weird power over me and I can't resist him. WHAT DO I DO!!!??? No one has weird power over you, unless you give it to them. He sounds like a loser, is that what you're looking for?
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I am gonna try and make this as short as possible...I am in a relationship going on almost 12 years and we have two kids. We are not married and have had several problems in our relationship. 6 months ago I had a very brief affair with a man I met at my work. He was not a co-worker just to clarify. I ended the affair when I found out he was to be married. A fact he had lied to me about. Well during the 6 months we didn't talk I thought about him constantly...kept tabs on him online, etc. About a month ago my phone was in my pocket and it accidentally dialed him. This then reopened the lines of conversation between us. He told me he thinks of me a lot and also had been keeping up on me online. He likes me a lot and blah blah blah. He is married now and his wife is expecting. He also has other kids from a previous relationship in his custody. We have not met up yet but he wants to see me in the next week. I click with this man unlike I ever have with anyone before and am super attracted to him. That being said...I love my boyfriend as well and I am scared to death of hurting my family and his. I feel like he has some weird power over me and I can't resist him. WHAT DO I DO!!!??? if he was single i wouldent tell you not to ..but hes about to get married dont put your self in that drama ..my friend wish she dident met up with his guy hes not a bad guy also but his ex wanted him back and he went right back the only way he would leave her is if they somthing happen betweent them again but hes with her now and i tell my friend to let him go he dont even come and see her any more ...so thats why am telling you he will married this girl any way and you will be broken hearted
Author Ajvd1 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 Agree with all of you but if you've never been in this situation...it's real easy to be black and white about it in my head. I'm not an idiot...I know how wrong and stupid it all sounds. But I wasn't looking for this it just hit me like a ton of bricks basically and rationalizing it gets me nowhere. I honestly feel like I have lost my damn mind.
Balzac Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 HaHa! Why do you think it's called C H E M I S T R Y? Sounds like a total connection with high wattage.
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Agree with all of you but if you've never been in this situation...it's real easy to be black and white about it in my head. I'm not an idiot...I know how wrong and stupid it all sounds. But I wasn't looking for this it just hit me like a ton of bricks basically and rationalizing it gets me nowhere. I honestly feel like I have lost my damn mind. i agree and even tho some of us have not been in your shoe we have known people that have as i tell you about my friend yeah we live in the same house so i know what she is going thur and you can have the fun with him now and take the pain later ...but i will just remember this post beacuse i know he will mess with you if you meet him ...so many people on here i read there post everday they did the same thing and trying to get help putting back there life back togather you no why beacuse the guy dident leave is gf or his wife he was never single and that was the problem
Furious Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) Agree with all of you but if you've never been in this situation...it's real easy to be black and white about it in my head. I'm not an idiot...I know how wrong and stupid it all sounds. But I wasn't looking for this it just hit me like a ton of bricks basically and rationalizing it gets me nowhere. I honestly feel like I have lost my damn mind. Throughout my entire marriage I've had the opportunity to cheat, but just never did. I get pissed off when people who have someone hot for them think it's a unique situation, affairs are a choice, not something that just happened. I see the gray in attraction, and that just because someone is married or in a committed relationship must be blind to the opposite sex. It's the cheaters who see things as black and white, and think attraction to someone else must mean it's this powerful connection. Those who have boundaries and are realistic about the gray in all situations don't believe in the easy black and white assumption. Edited October 28, 2012 by Furious 2
Author Ajvd1 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 In response to the attraction thing...it isn't purely physical. That's the part I have the most trouble with. We talk and its like I met my match...it sucks! We both I think are scared of the actual feelings we are having due to the circumstances we have at home. We don't want to hurt our partners but for some reason we are drawn to one another. Round two...is far more of an emotional affair than round 1 was. The connection is twisting into something with more backbone of something real. That's what is tripping me out.
mercy Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I feel the same way about the guy on Person of Interest. If our eyes meet it's all over. 2
Furious Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 In response to the attraction thing...it isn't purely physical. That's the part I have the most trouble with. We talk and its like I met my match...it sucks! We both I think are scared of the actual feelings we are having due to the circumstances we have at home. We don't want to hurt our partners but for some reason we are drawn to one another. Round two...is far more of an emotional affair than round 1 was. The connection is twisting into something with more backbone of something real. That's what is tripping me out. It's easy to assume you're perfect for each other because you don't spend 24/7 with each other. Words are easy, they are just words. But words and being able to cheat on a pregnant wife...shows their true character. Words are cheap...actions are priceless. 3
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Yes I could but I would prefer to not... Then don't go meet him and don't re start the affair. It's just so selfish of you to go ahead and do this, even though you say you don't want to hurt your boyfriend, father of your children - Let alone hurt your family... WHY go ahead and do it anyway? Give that some thought. And, the guys is married now, his wife is expecting their baby. How bloody piggish of him to now start an affair while his wife is pregnant. That's awful and it's cruel. Don't help him betray her..Don't do it.. Walk away..Tell him that you pocket dialed him by mistake (delete his number!!) and that you don't want to open that door again. If you choose to go do this, OWN it and be prepared for the fallout and consquences.. Which are quite a lot. On the expense of your children and their father. 2
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 We don't want to hurt our partners but for some reason we are drawn to one another. All the more reason to stay away from each other and not be selfish!! If you don't want to hurt your boyfriend and his wife, then STOP it and get over it. Just because there's an attraction and a connection doesn't mean you have to act upon it! 3
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) In response to the attraction thing...it isn't purely physical. That's the part I have the most trouble with. We talk and its like I met my match...it sucks! We both I think are scared of the actual feelings we are having due to the circumstances we have at home. We don't want to hurt our partners but for some reason we are drawn to one another. Round two...is far more of an emotional affair than round 1 was. The connection is twisting into something with more backbone of something real. That's what is tripping me out. you know whats crazy thats the same thing my frind was saying when she was first start talking to that guy and it was the same things he was telling her..i have met the guy becuse she as brought him to our house and i dont think he is a bad guy and i do think he have feelings for her but was his feelings strong enough that when his ex wanted him back he wouldent have gone back apparently not because hes back with is ex now...so ask your self this his this man feelings and connection strong enought for you that if you meet him and you guys get togather he wont married the other girl?????? Edited October 28, 2012 by taya
Author Ajvd1 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 Agreed agreed agreed...and btw I was mortified when my phone dialed him and he text me. It felt like someone socked me in the stomach. I was scared because I knew that moving on was going to be halted. I know it's wrong morally that is why I am questioning because my head and heart are not in agreement.
Bryanp Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing to you what you have been doing to him? Please do not say your love your boyfriend when you have already cheated behind his back with this other man and put his heath at risk for STD's. You did not even have the decency to tell your boyfriend the truth about your affair and now you are probably going to continue it again with this man who just married someone else and has his new wife pregnant. Would it bother you if your boyfriend was doing this with another woman behind your back as well? I am sorry to be blunt but you realize this will all end very badly for you. How do you think your boyfriend will react if and when he finds out? Please don't say you love your boyfriend because your actions speak just the opposite.
Author Ajvd1 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 My bf has cheated on me several times and it hurt like hell. So I know full we'll the ramifications. I know how everyone is gonna feel if we get caught. So I should be able to stop just for that fact but its not that easy. I would like to know has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and how did you handle ending it without feeling like your letting the right thing go because its too messy and hard to make it work?
Bryanp Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Since your boyfriend is a serial cheater then I take back everything I said. The point still is why would you wish to cheat with a newly wed married man whose wife is now pregnant? What does this say about him? He sounds like he is a typical user of people.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 He is married and starting a family Enough Said By communicating and sweet talking with you he is already cheating on his wife. He is a cheating, predator player. He is doing it to his wife and he will do it to you. All you are to him is a possible future cum dump 1
waterwoman Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Yep, I've been there. I met a man at work 19 years ago and he ticked all the boxes. We were soul mates, connected on so many levels, made for each other.... blah blah blah. My libido was talking! Sadly I was just married and I loved H. We talked a lot and flirted a lot and finally got as far as holding hands:eek:. It felt fun and naughty but reasonable harmless although it was clear to me it could go further. I was creeping towards infidelity cm by cm. But one day he asked to see me at lunchtime - he told me he loved me, he was going to leave his GF and although he knew it would take longer for me to get divorced he was prepared to wait..... I ran so fast and so far he didn't see me for dust. That is what you need to do.
GLDheart Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Why does everyone act like there is no such thing as willpower? You made a commitment. You made two children "Woman up" and stand behind your choices. Chemistry happens. It will someday happen again too. Get over it. 3
Ninja'sHusband Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on it. If you love your boyfriend and kids, do the right thing by them. Probably every faithful husband on the planet is attracted some random female he sees at the grocery store every day...but we use restraint and self control, and we don't put ourselves in risky\slippery slope situations.
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