sassypink74 Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 This is my first post on this site. I am really enjoying and learning from all the posts. I will try to keep this brief. I am fairly new back in the dating scene. I am divorced, 38 years young. I have met/dated a decent amount of men post divorce. Anyway,,,I am currently seeing/dating whatever it is called a man that I originally met 10 years ago through my former spouse. They were co-workers. Anyway, we recently went out and had the most amazing time. The conversation was great, laughter, attraction, etc. That was probably six weeks ago. Since then I have seen him maybe 3-4 times. However he makes contact with me either via text, email or phone almost everyday. The longest he has gone without contact is a day. When we are together and/or communicating the quality, connection and attraction is wonderful. My concern is I only actually see him about one time per week, to week and a half. I know this is a new situation. But honestly I am used to actually seeing someone more frequently. I don't want to appear clingy and desperate. I just honestly enjoy his company. I have absolutely no doubt that he's into me, enjoys being with me, etc. I just keep analyzing the frequency of seeing him. I do have to take into consideration his crazy schedule. He is in law enforcement as ft career and wrapping up a career in the Army/Guard. He told me when we first went out that his schedule is crazy and he is trying to get in his required Guard time by the end of the year in order to retire. However there are times and days where he is not at either of the above and makes no effort to see me. I don't want to be selfish, childish or clingy. But I do analyze it like crazy! Like I said I am used to more frequent time together. He also told me that historically he got attached to women sometimes to soon. And he jokingly said the other day that there will be a time when I will want him to get out of my hair and give me space. I just want honest opinions. Does this all seem like it is normal for the early stages of dating? I have absolutely no complaints about the quality of the time we do spend together and our communication. He is awesome. I want to be supportive and patient. But also don't want to be played a fool either. He mentioned once too that most women who have been interested in him have not been able to handle/support the difference in duty/desire. He is very dedicated to his career and military duties. This past Thursday he did mention getting together a week from tomorrow after he is done with guard duty. Please be honest. Thank you so much.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Maybe cut him some slack. Just because he has some free time doesn't mean he has to spend it all or most of it with you , IMO. He has friends, family, and probably also needs some alone time too. How often does he have free time ? That is the real question. If he's free after 5 pm every day and over the weekends, and makes no effort to see you more than once a week, then maybe there is reason to be disappointed.
clia Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I think once a week can be okay initially, but at six weeks in I think he would be making more of an effort to see you if he was really interested. By now, you should be seeing him 2-3 times a week, minimum. Do you think he is dating others? Are you seeing him on Saturday nights?
suladas Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 After that amount of time I think you should be seeing each other more often. I could see it being ok if there was a couple weeks where he was busy with something, but otherwise he isn't putting in enough effort in my opinion. I'd be expecting 2 times a week minimum.
jcrew11 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 It sounds like he is already married to his career and has other committments that are not you. This doesn't sound like it can develop into a serious relationship unless you are willing to wait 3 months until he can commit to more time with you and is more comfortable seeing you more often. Ask him if he wants to be monogamous. But if not, Keep your options open, and date other guys if they interest you. Life is too short to wait around.
mysteryscape Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 is what somebody else asked, is he seeing someone else? Have you ever talked about this? If not, seems to me he has been pretty upfront. He's very busy, and he told you in the past about going too fast. Seems to me he's being wise, which is good for you, not just him. As for having some leisure time when he could see you, but doesn't -- It is natural to want some leisure time to himself, and also see above about going too fast.
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