PausedExcitement Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Hey everyone. To catch you up to speed my first post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/343181-2-years-later-ex-girlfriend-contacting-me "I know you don't want to talk to me. But please give me a chance to make it right. Please reply to me. I really miss you. And I want to at least have one conversation with you. Please, I know your not a mean person, and you've always been there for me whenever I needed you. Please, can you message me back?" She then contacted my friend a day later, basically asking him to talk to me to deliver a similar message. I've read a lot on this website. People say don't go back to a girl unless she's begging on her knees. That literally happened via text according to her. But she hasn't indicated anything friendship or a relationship. If you ask me I miss her. She misses me. I want a relationship with her cause I still love her. Funny enough I was missing her a lot before that email came in. I've been indecisive because I don't want to get hurt again. I need advice. Do I break 2 years of no contact? Or should I continue.
ReadMyThread Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Hey everyone. To catch you up to speed my first post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/343181-2-years-later-ex-girlfriend-contacting-me "I know you don't want to talk to me. But please give me a chance to make it right. Please reply to me. I really miss you. And I want to at least have one conversation with you. Please, I know your not a mean person, and you've always been there for me whenever I needed you. Please, can you message me back?" She then contacted my friend a day later, basically asking him to talk to me to deliver a similar message. I've read a lot on this website. People say don't go back to a girl unless she's begging on her knees. That literally happened via text according to her. But she hasn't indicated anything friendship or a relationship. If you ask me I miss her. She misses me. I want a relationship with her cause I still love her. Funny enough I was missing her a lot before that email came in. I've been indecisive because I don't want to get hurt again. I need advice. Do I break 2 years of no contact? Or should I continue. That's tough man. Who dumped who and why did you guys break up?
InThePinc Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Personally I wouldn't. But its your decision. What i would say though is if you do plan on letting her back into your life take things slowly. Start off as friends and see where it goes from there. If this girl really does love you she will agree to just being friends and will understand that you need time to see how you both get on and feel about each other.
Author PausedExcitement Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 That's tough man. Who dumped who and why did you guys break up? I guess you can say we were on a break, gave me false hope. Then turned up a few weeks later saying she has a boyfriend and said she wouldn't ever pick him over me. After then I just left. She claims this was a big mistake by her. I would put the blame 80% on her. 20% on me for not getting help for my depression.
gonefishin Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I agree with above comment .. Talk to her see what she wants . Try Comtrol seeing her as best you can on your terms. Arrange maybe a lunch time meet so its short and you have your get out clause too.. If you think your done and that's all gone and no interest you could reply stating this.. But maybe in the 2 years alot has changed .. Only seeing her will tell you I suppose.. Keep us posted its a interesting one for sure .. Do what u think feels right !! People here will disagree and agree but were not living your life! Wish u good luck! It's a nice position to be in!
Frank13 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) Then turned up a few weeks later saying she has a boyfriend and said she wouldn't ever pick him over me. If you were in a break and she had a new boyfriend, she already DID pick him over you. She is throwing you bread crumbs. She isn't asking for you back. She just wants to talk one more time, probably to apologize to relieve her guilt. Even the post you have a link to shows she wants to apologize and "make things right" = relieve her guilt. I bet if you make contact, she will never reply back. She is tugging the chain to see if she still has you on the end of it. Once you reply, she knows she does and you won't hear from her again. Don't waste your time replying. Edited October 29, 2012 by Frank13 1
Author PausedExcitement Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 Just thought I'd update everyone. After a few weeks I made my decision to email her back. Said if she wanted back into my life it would have to be a relationship. She got angry with me for taking so long to reply, then requesting a relationship. Then said only wanting to be friends or something. I don't know, I haven't read the email again. Thanks everyone for your support. I gave this a lot of thought. I'm depressed but not that much. I could use some cheering up.
Gottabestrong Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Man, that sucks. After 2 years she acts like she can't live without you and NEEDS to talk to you, but when you ask her what she wants she says she only wants to be friends. I hope you are not too depressed right now. Not sure if this will cheer you up, but I had an ex do something similar. He dumped me, but never stopped contacting me. Even when I went NC, he would suddenly start texting and emailing and calling like crazy within a few days, practially begging me to talk to him. And when I finally replied and asked him what he wanted, he said he just wanted to check in and see if everything is alright. That was about 6 months after the breakup. He kept on contacting me for years, even though in the meantime he was in different relationships, even got married and had a child. It only stopped when he contacted me again after he got a divorce and I agreed to meet him for coffee. That was about 6 years after he dumped me. We had coffee and I left after an hour because while I was not breaking down or feeling desperate, memories came flooding back, and I remembered all the little things I loved about him. After that he added me on facebook and then never really contacted me again. I still don't know why he did all that, but it obviously not because he wanted to reconcile. I suspect all he wanted was to see that I did not hate him anymore, because he needed to know that for his own peace of mind. Long story short, I think she might try to contact you again in the future. Unfortunately that does not necessarily mean that she wants you back, only that for some reason she needs to know that you are willing to talk to her again. Good luck with your situation. I have definitely been there.
itsmyfault Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 (edited) Sucks that she said that, But tbh you can't really expect a relationship with a click of the fingers. 2 years apart is a long long long time Edited November 25, 2012 by itsmyfault
Author PausedExcitement Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 Believe it not, she sent another email just now following up on what she last said. [Paraphrasing what she said] She wants to clear her guilt over what happened and that she cares about me a lot. And wants one conversation to clear everything. Never once forgot about me. She wants to make things right (she's been saying for a while). Then closed with I really miss my best friend the person who meant the most to me. I don't know what to say or think. I know I have to take care of myself avoid boxing myself into a situation where I'm her friend but in love with her. There's red flags everywhere. I don't know what to do. How can someone who contacted me this much and care about me this much expect me to return to the status of best friend?
Chi townD Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Then closed with I really miss my best friend the person who meant the most to me. Yet.....The one person that meant the most to her is ONLY good enough for the "friend zone"!!!! At least she's truthful, she's trying to ease her guilt. Dude, I would email her back stating, " There's no need for us to have a 'conversation'. Your email told me everything I needed to know. Enjoy the holidays! Bye!" then back to NC. 1
cavalier99 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) Bummer. All i can say is i don't think it a good idea to communicate with her especially considering you seem susceptible of feeling something for her again. She is NOT your friend. She is the Devil sucking you back into purgatory. RUN and never look back. I mean look at how this limited contact has already f-ed you up. Enough said! Edited November 26, 2012 by cavalier99
Viper1 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I fell for the "second chance" line--once, and it caused me years of grief. You already saw her reaction when you did respond: your needs weren't taken into consideration. She gets on your case for taking time to answer as if she should ring a bell like a queen and you come in like the faithful servant and then when you say what you think is in your enlightened self interest, she gets ticked because you want a relationship. You know what you want, you asked for it, and she's playing hardball. You have two choices: remain true to what you want and decide what you'll do if she won't deliver or let her call the shots. It's really that simple.
Author PausedExcitement Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) Kid you not. She emailed me again at 2AM. She said she couldn't sleep knowing she might of have hurt me more. She said I meant the world to her but she wasn't ready for a relationship (I don't buy this). I'll always have a place in her heart, no one else can take it, even if it isn't how I want it to be. Then asked to give her a chance to make things right. If you're curious, I'm more concerned how I'm going to fit playing Halo 2's campaign in between these essays I have due. I'm sure I'll have an overwhelming sadness return to me soon about this subject, just thought I'd update you guys. (For those keeping track at home, I said 3 sentences 24 hours ago. She's given me 3 replies in 12 hours. Diagnose this how you will). I fell for the "second chance" line--once, and it caused me years of grief. You already saw her reaction when you did respond: your needs weren't taken into consideration. She gets on your case for taking time to answer as if she should ring a bell like a queen and you come in like the faithful servant and then when you say what you think is in your enlightened self interest, she gets ticked because you want a relationship. You know what you want, you asked for it, and she's playing hardball. You have two choices: remain true to what you want and decide what you'll do if she won't deliver or let her call the shots. It's really that simple. Well said. I don't find me taking time to be an issue to be honest with what I went through these past two years. Edited November 26, 2012 by PausedExcitement
dumPI Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 meet her face to face ... bring an extra loving female friend with you. End the crap
moveONorStay Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Go and meet for a coffee, be open and honest with her about how she made you feel during the break up. Tell her that you can't be her friend because you care about her in such a way that you couldn't watch her with other men. So it's either another shot at a relationship or leave you alone for good. If she's not willing to play by your terms then tell her not to contact you, block her number and her email address to finally solve the problem.
Chi townD Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 She keeps on saying that she wants a chance to make things right. Just how the hell is she going to do that? Everytime you write about her saying that she wants to make things right makes me think that it's her coming to you and her unloading her guilt onto you. Telling YOU that it was the things YOU did that ended the relationship. That if YOU did this, that or the other that you two would still be together. That you're a really great guy but your not dateable to me. Who needs that crap.
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