in my early 30's,no sex in our marriage for 3 years.got lost where to go.

[cravinglove]

yes, I'm in my early 30's and I haven't had sex with my husband for alomost 3years. Reason?simpley because we have too much in difference and nothing in common. way too much argueing and fighting killed the love. We saw therapist and things will get better for couple of days then threw it back to exactly the same startpoint.

 

The very last time we had sex was like this Jan and I don't even want to call that making love. It made me almost throw up. I could not get wet for him alsot half hour foreplay he did. He acused me of being cold fish, but I know I am not. I just can't get aroused by a guy that I'm not in love with.

 

We sleep in different room. Evry night I satyed up late and keep thinking about my life. I feel hopeless. I want to love and be loved. I want to cuddle with my loved one and wake up in his arms in the morning. I want to have passionate sex , make love everywhere in the house. I am young, I should have the right to enjoy what I deserve. But I can't.............Damn it!I can't!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I don't know what to do. We talked about divorced for almost three years. But his health get worth and worth. To be sympothetic, I just do not have the heart to leave him completely now. Still he kept acusing me of how inconsiderate I am. Jesus, if I am really such an inconsiderate person, I would have left him years ago.

[InThePinc]

Wow what an awful situation to be in! I was married to a man I no longer loved but stayed with him because he wasn't well. I was so unhappy that I was suicidal. Eventually something snapped and I realised that I had to leave him and I did. That was in 2006 and now I'm married to the most amazing person I've ever met. I'm so happy now and shudder to think that I might still be with the first husband. If you no longer love him then you need to leave him. If he has health problems there are other people he can get support from like his family, friends or even professionals. You need to walk away if you are not happy.

[Scarlett5]

I don't think marriage should ever be disposable, and it's great that so many people try to resolve their issues to improve the quality, which is what relationships are all about. But at this point, would it not just make more sense to move on??

 

You only get one life, think how you want to live it, and don't waste it.

[Cb3657]

Sex and intimacy are important human needs, not every marriage has a lot of sex but I could not stay in the situation you are in. You are just roommates and a support structure. Why not separate, as in move out, it not like he should ask why. See if you can be close without a false sense of romantic entanglement, sounds like what he is currently getting is a nurse/ sister, i dont know why you need to live there to supply that.

[cravinglove]

Sex and intimacy are important human needs, not every marriage has a lot of sex but I could not stay in the situation you are in. You are just roommates and a support structure. Why not separate, as in move out, it not like he should ask why. See if you can be close without a false sense of romantic entanglement, sounds like what he is currently getting is a nurse/ sister, i dont know why you need to live there to supply that.

I am currently not physically surppoting him. He still can move ,work,eat and do all those living things. But he has bottles and bottles of pills in the cabnet. Every time when I saw him taking pills and listening to him he does not feel good, his BP is high again. He woke up with pain, he could not get a good quality sleep, he .......on and on and on, I do not know how to respond to him.

 

I seriously think about leaving him,but we have a 5-year-old son. He can understand anything now. I'm trying so hard to improve my career just in case someday without him I still can support my son. He has nothing left for me and my son if he dies tomorrow. He told me last week that if he dies, then me and my son get get 600 each month ,respectively. I'm totally speechless.

 

been married for 6 years. We have never been watching a movie or TV show together(never?may be once or twice). and when I brought this up,he came back home one day with a DVD and told me that he wanted to watch it with me and my son. I watched a little of the beginning but had no interest at all. It was a kid's movie. I told him he could watch it with my son but I need to do homework. He got so naggy and insisted that I should watch with him. We had a big arguement then. This just did not make sense. He seemed to not be able to understand me. All he likes are those old car auction, mechanical works, antiques, cars and cars and cars.......

 

Right now when I am replying this post,he is chewing prezzels so loud on the coucha dn watching something sounds so wierd to me.

[Cb3657]

It actually kinda sounds like you don't like him. When things likes the sound of him eating pretzels makes you crazy you may seriously need some space. I am never really a advocate of breaking up families, but you may need to get out for a time. Does your work have a family assistance program? Conselling could help, like I said I could not live with someone with no physical intimacy, a large nursing component and no communication but I know I would also give my all to change things if I could. Find a way to get some space before you develop a solid hate for him once that develops nothing will save you marriage.

[cravinglove]

It actually kinda sounds like you don't like him. When things likes the sound of him eating pretzels makes you crazy you may seriously need some space. I am never really a advocate of breaking up families, but you may need to get out for a time. Does your work have a family assistance program? Conselling could help, like I said I could not live with someone with no physical intimacy, a large nursing component and no communication but I know I would also give my all to change things if I could. Find a way to get some space before you develop a solid hate for him once that develops nothing will save you marriage.

 

There is no love existing between us. so, yes, I do not like lots of things he does. But it "no love" v.s."dislike' which came first? I think it was in everyday's life we have so much difference that killed love. couple examples: he is a very very messy person. He just likes to make mess. He would walk over his clothes he threw on the florr instead of picking them up and put them in the laundary basket just right next to his bed. He would pile up things on the counter till there is no room at all for anything. He does not take shower every day even it's in hot summer. He works on cars and washes his hands and splashes the dark dirty greesy oil in the sink and not to clean it off. To him, a wife is just go after him and wipe his butt. That would be perfect. I tried to tell him when we first got married not to make such a mess. I would pick up his clothes and clean the house. But his being messy just loaded me tripple of the housework and I can't take this. He would say yes sorry and continue to make mess. a lot of personal hygien I think it is just a habbit. I don't like to tell him "hey, go take a shower". I am a wife, not his mother. I'm sick of this. and all his habbits just turned me off. When I brought these up again,he would say" you are just looking for something nagging on me". Man!he blamed me of not seeing therapist,not making effort to reunite our families. But he wasted his time on therapist because he is not changing himself.

 

I think it is kinda unfair or painful to make huge change for the other part maybe? but I can't live like this. He just lost all the physical and emotional attarction to me.

[standtall]

been married for 6 years. We have never been watching a movie or TV show together(never?may be once or twice). and when I brought this up,he came back home one day with a DVD and told me that he wanted to watch it with me and my son. I watched a little of the beginning but had no interest at all. It was a kid's movie. I told him he could watch it with my son but I need to do homework. He got so naggy and insisted that I should watch with him. We had a big arguement then. This just did not make sense.

 

Wow...what makes you happy then? Your the one who didn't make sense.By your own admission above, he tried to respond to your needs, and it wasn't good enough for you and you rejected him. Perhaps the problem is not entirely with him..perhaps you could own up to...just a little...being part of the problem in your marriage? Your responsible for your own happiness, not him.