lonelygirl97 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 I posted in the coping section earlier but should have posted here...I am pretty much over my ex after all the things he has done to me since the breakup..Well today out of the blue he text me asking if he can bring back a backpack he had of mine and i responded just keep it and I said what goes around comes around for all the stuff you have done to me..He responded back well its already coming back around hard because apparently the girl he got with after we broke up left him for a 19year old..I wanted to say thats what you get but I just kept my composure and said well I dont wish bad luck on you and I hope everything will be ok for you..well he then asked if he could bring the backpack back and all the other stuff he had of mine..I said sure and he texted me back a few hrs later saying he was lame for how he treated me and asked if I would have mercy on him and I just said we will talk about things when we see each other..At first I really wanted this to happen and for us to get bacl together but now I dont feel the same after all he has done to me and also what if i give him another chance and she comes back and leaves me for her..I already starting seeing someone else but it didnt work out because it was too soon to move on after the breakup..I still have small feelings for my ex but i am no where near in love with him like I use to be and dont know if i wanna try again and get hurt..I was just thinking about being single for awhile and focus on myself but what if i regret not taking him back down the line..can someone please give me some advice of what I should do he will be over tonight to bring over my stuff...
love does not exist Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Yea, are you willing to degrade yourself and be his back up plan. If that new girl wouldn't of left him he would be telling you to fuc off. Don't give him another shot if you have any respect for yourself. 1
River Rain Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I used to have a very harsh stance on no second chances, he missed the boat, I'm better than that....but you know, recently I gave my ex a second chance and so far so good. After being apart, he realized what he missed, what he did wrong, and made significant changes that I could see. We're trying again because we're both willing to make the effort, knowing that we have a lot to offer each other. Honestly...just talk when he comes over. If you two can speak maturely and void of too much anger/hurt, then maybe you can come to some sort of new understanding of each other. Or it could go the other way completely...I would say, give it a go...love is always a risk. 1
Author lonelygirl97 Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 Thanks for both of your answers love and river, I am still kind of confused, I really dont want to get hurt again and have to go through the whole process again of being miserable...At the same time I do miss him but I am scared that he may leave me if she comes back, its confusing..I broke up with him in the first place and they got together so its not like he left me for her he just wouldnt take me back when I tried to reconcile because he was with her then treated me like dirt..I guess I will just see him if he really does come over and doesnt stand me up and see what happens..I am very nervous..Thanks for the input again..
21flames Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I gave my gf a second chance last November after begging me to move back. She didn't change at all, caused me a load more heartache. Then I could sense she was cheating again but she denied it all. She denied, blamed me for everything, said we should split and me move out, I did, now she has moved out with someone else 8 weeks after we " Split because of our problems " and has never been truthful about any of it. I nearly didn't get back with her last year but I wasn't strong enough and believed her crocodile tears. I wish I had been stronger cause I would not have had to go though the last 2 months and how ever long it's takes to truly be heeled. Don't do it unless you want to give him a change to break your heart again and go through what you already have been though.
River Rain Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Thanks for both of your answers love and river, I am still kind of confused, I really dont want to get hurt again and have to go through the whole process again of being miserable...At the same time I do miss him but I am scared that he may leave me if she comes back, its confusing..I broke up with him in the first place and they got together so its not like he left me for her he just wouldnt take me back when I tried to reconcile because he was with her then treated me like dirt..I guess I will just see him if he really does come over and doesnt stand me up and see what happens..I am very nervous..Thanks for the input again.. It's natural to be nervous, I nearly got sick waiting for his phone call. It doesn't matter who dumped who, what matters is what would be different if you two got back together. People say all sorts of things when they're desperate/lonely/longing...you have to listen and decide if the things being said are genuine or not. If he treated you like dirt, does he acknowledge it, what real changes is he willing to make, what compromises are you both willing to make...you won't know any of this until you speak to each other, so don't overanalyze until you talk - yes, I know, easier said than done!! It's always a risk to open your heart, but it's worth the risk. The heart is quite resilient.
CptSaveAho Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) Second chances? really? People that want second chances (while its a part of the grieving process...) and actually go through with it are NUTS You give people so much control over you emotional well being... FYI... you have 0 power in a second chance contrary to the bull **** most of you spew on here... they can and will walk all over you and you will allow it for the fear of them leaving again and destroying that tiny bit of self dignity and pride you have left. You can ask any veteran of this board (or even older people) about second chances... the damage is done... while they do happen, its typically not till YEARS LATER and most normal people have moved on by then people that actually go through with it are so needy and desperate that they arent selective at all... including your ex's that call you up and ask for a second chance Edited October 28, 2012 by CptSaveAho 1
CptSaveAho Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 people that are emotionally healthy pick emotionally healthy partners... they dont date, idiots, losers, users, etc they are able to see a MILE away if they are going to get F'ed over and pull the ejection cord long before they do 1
formshifter Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Statistically second chances never works! I've read this in some magazine, and it's true! And I think the reason is that a healthy relation has to last forever! If you end up in the position of breaking up with the other person then you just realized that it's not the right person for you,for that forever relation that we all want. So what's the point of a second chance if it's not the right person?!!
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