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Giving my boyfriend the silent treatment until he apologizes sincerely...

ConfusedE

By ConfusedE
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ConfusedE New Member

ConfusedE

Posted
Posted

Hey guys, I need some advice. Any advice would be really appreciated.

 

Long story short: My boyfriend of 4 months called me Sat night at 3am drunk and DRIVING! ... he told me he really wasn't that drunk (I think he was). He refused to pull over after I made a huge stink about it and continued driving - telling me he was going home. He said "I'm almost home, let me call you back because my hands-free device in my car is going to die on you." I said "ok, make sure you call back so I can know if you're ok"

... and then nothing... I called like 10 times, didn't sleep at all, left a bunch of messages... and then the next morning I went to work thinking something really bad must've happened to him because its not like him to not call back.

I didn't hear back from him until 5pm THE NEXT DAY and the first thing he said to me is "You're a spazz... i'm ok calm down"

 

What a jerk! I lost it! I told him how selfish and irresponsible he is and that I didn't want to speak to him. He made me worry and showed no remorse for what he did! An hour later he sent me some random text message to change the subject and I didn't respond for 2 days. I refused to respond to anything other than an apology.

 

2 days later I wrote him a detailed text telling him what he did wrong (drove drunk, made me worry, called me a spaz), what he should've done to handle it better (apologize sincerely and honestly promise not to do that again), and then I asked him if he cared at all. In my book, if someone cares, then they would feel so bad about making someone worry so much and they would apologize immediately. He didn't do that so i can only assume that he doesn't actually care - If that's the case then I deserve much better than this guy.

 

his response was "Way too much drama... I care but I'm not dealing with that crap"... again.. what a jerk! That's all he had to say to me? I know we've been together only 4 months but we became very close and things were completely perfect before this happened...

 

I pride myself on not being one of those dramatic girls, I'm actually pretty easy going and this "drama" was not caused by me - Rather than being dramatic and freaking out (which I really wanted to do) I handled it in a civilized, calm manner and told him exactly what he did to make me angry and how I feel. And he chose to "not deal with that crap".

 

So I chose not to respond. If he doesn't want to care, I can't force him.

 

The next few days I made peace with the fact that I deserve someone better than him - Someone who does not act like such an irresponsible jerk and who does not take me for granted, because I deserve better!

 

and then on friday night (yesterday) he texted me saying "hope you have a good night".... (he knew I was going out)

 

What does this mean? Does he not realize how badly he messed up? I can hardly believe that someone is that stupid after I specifically told him what he did wrong. In my opinion, I think that he's trying to change the subject and see how serious I am about all of this. I don't even think he realizes that I basically want to end things with him because of the way he acted.

 

I want him to realize what a mess-up he is and realize that he drove me away. I want him to regret what he did and to apologize sincerely. That doesn't mean I'll necessarily accept it, but I still need to hear it and then I'll make a decision.

 

I haven't responded at all. What should my next move be? Say something, don't say anything? Continue giving him the silent treatment and waiting to see what he'll do next, or calling him and ending it? I'm not 100% sure if i want to end it yet, and I believe that men respond to distance, not words... this is why I haven't responded yet... any opinions?

 

Thanks!

Balzac Established Member

Balzac

Posted
Posted

"know we've been together only 4 months but we became very close and things were completely perfect before this happened...."

 

So basically you're telling us that his driving while drunk was a Firstie and that crossed a line for you?

 

I'll reserve further comment except to say that "silent treatment" is manipulative behavior in my book.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
Posted

Is this about your feelings or his health and welfare?

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted (edited)
Hey guys, I need some advice. Any advice would be really appreciated.

 

Long story short: My boyfriend of 4 months called me Sat night at 3am drunk and DRIVING! ... he told me he really wasn't that drunk (I think he was). He refused to pull over after I made a huge stink about it and continued driving - telling me he was going home. He said "I'm almost home, let me call you back because my hands-free device in my car is going to die on you." I said "ok, make sure you call back so I can know if you're ok"

... and then nothing... I called like 10 times, didn't sleep at all, left a bunch of messages... and then the next morning I went to work thinking something really bad must've happened to him because its not like him to not call back.

I didn't hear back from him until 5pm THE NEXT DAY and the first thing he said to me is "You're a spazz... i'm ok calm down"

 

What a jerk! I lost it! I told him how selfish and irresponsible he is and that I didn't want to speak to him. He made me worry and showed no remorse for what he did! An hour later he sent me some random text message to change the subject and I didn't respond for 2 days. I refused to respond to anything other than an apology.

 

2 days later I wrote him a detailed text telling him what he did wrong (drove drunk, made me worry, called me a spaz), what he should've done to handle it better (apologize sincerely and honestly promise not to do that again), and then I asked him if he cared at all. In my book, if someone cares, then they would feel so bad about making someone worry so much and they would apologize immediately. He didn't do that so i can only assume that he doesn't actually care - If that's the case then I deserve much better than this guy.

 

his response was "Way too much drama... I care but I'm not dealing with that crap"... again.. what a jerk! That's all he had to say to me? I know we've been together only 4 months but we became very close and things were completely perfect before this happened...

 

I pride myself on not being one of those dramatic girls, I'm actually pretty easy going and this "drama" was not caused by me - Rather than being dramatic and freaking out (which I really wanted to do) I handled it in a civilized, calm manner and told him exactly what he did to make me angry and how I feel. And he chose to "not deal with that crap".

 

So I chose not to respond. If he doesn't want to care, I can't force him.

 

The next few days I made peace with the fact that I deserve someone better than him - Someone who does not act like such an irresponsible jerk and who does not take me for granted, because I deserve better!

 

and then on friday night (yesterday) he texted me saying "hope you have a good night".... (he knew I was going out)

 

What does this mean? Does he not realize how badly he messed up? I can hardly believe that someone is that stupid after I specifically told him what he did wrong. In my opinion, I think that he's trying to change the subject and see how serious I am about all of this. I don't even think he realizes that I basically want to end things with him because of the way he acted.

 

I want him to realize what a mess-up he is and realize that he drove me away. I want him to regret what he did and to apologize sincerely. That doesn't mean I'll necessarily accept it, but I still need to hear it and then I'll make a decision.

 

I haven't responded at all. What should my next move be? Say something, don't say anything? Continue giving him the silent treatment and waiting to see what he'll do next, or calling him and ending it? I'm not 100% sure if i want to end it yet, and I believe that men respond to distance, not words... this is why I haven't responded yet... any opinions?

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

I have had this sort of situation happen not so much the drunk driving part.......i had hidden the keys........copped it for that but i would not be responsible for letting someone kill someone else rather cop it.......anyway there was a party at my house and my ex(yes he is an ex now) was out the back drunk as skunk making out with some woman....

 

i wasnt drinking, they(my ex and the woman) stopped when i walked out the back to bring the washing in....i asked her to leave she kept apologising i accepted and just said to her i just want you to leave now....she left.....my ex went ballistic......

 

 

asked for the keys which i refused to give not because i wanted to keep him there by the way....i at that point wanted to leave myself ......i didnt..... he fell asleep and in th emorning i didnt give him the silent treatment he gave me the silent treatment i hadnt slept much so i had processed what had happened and was ready to deal with it.....

 

 

we eventually talked it out..i am a mediator by nature..at this point in time that was a pivotal point in my life where i should have walked away......i didnt....and i was still with him many years after....i believe everything happens for a reason....i went on to have two more beautiful girls.....i am now happy in my life to a certain degree i have good and bad days like everyone.....today i think i look like crap...others i dont and I have different goals and aims its taken a long time for me to deal with the damage that had been done just from that one relationship and that i felt my relationship should go under the banner of for better or worse....

 

 

i would suggest silent treatment is not a good idea...you need to set boundaries for your own self worth, for the lives of others on the road and if he is mean to you or tells you to shut up....think seriously about five years down the track imagine it........this is a situation where silent treatment will not help

 

you have processed what happened what he did......he was irresponsible.....by driving.....you need to speak up and if the consequences are aggression he is not right for you he has problems with alcohol that need to be addressed before he can be a loving caring kind and compassionate man who deserves to have a loving girlfriend....hugs to ya.....

 

 

dont wait years for better or worse......it could be worse than you could feel in a lifetime, for the parents of the child he kills next time he drink drives......dont be silent.....speak...i hope you take my advice i wish you hope and happiness.believe there is someone out there who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve....i believe that for me....believe it for you..deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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