Shinobi Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 If you browse on LS you will see a very typical story. Happy relationship for years ended because someone was dumped for another guy (new one or ex, it doesn't matter). In most cases it's the women who leave without any hesitations and for the guys it seems to come out of the blue and so many questions arise and so many efforts to reverse the events... but in vain. The truth is that when a woman decides to leave in 98% of the cases it's for another guy who she met months or perhaps weeks earlyer and you knew nothing about it. You have given her your trust and she took advantage of it to stab you in the back. I do not think they will announce their decision to leave before they slept with the other person. So either she will tell you some bullsh*t like "I'm not in love with you but I love you", or "I need space, I need time, or I need air to breathe and to stay alone with myself for awhile"... This is just bullsh*t to mask the ugly truth and make them justify the behaviour behind your back. For those of you who will say "hey, but that's not always the case" I will say to spare your words and thoughts and look at your own threads here and all over the internetS . Look at the real life! Will you need time and space away from someone you love? Will you? If everything is clean- the normal thing is a will to stay together with someone. The cases when 2-3 year relationships fall appart not because of someone else are very, very little and usually involve health or mental issues. LTR break ups also happen for someone else... If you start hearing those kind of bullsh*t or feel your partner "distant" and "colder"- the break up is coming. And chances are because of someone else is in the picture already... SO, in the very first time you hear some crap like "spacetime", "not in love", "I feel tired, I'll stay home", "we need to talk"... you MUST be prepared for the break up! What to do? Do not aks for explanations! You have nothing to discuss or "work through", she has already made her decision based on the things she did behind your back. You were kept in the dark and that's the first thing to pop up in your mind. Cut contact and say as little as possible, if it is possible, say nothing at all! NOTHING, leave! They did you wrong- do not let them have a chance to justify or to spin your head. Turn around and walk away. They decided to leave, you do not need details. That's enough for you to see they already checked out of the relationship you invested so much in... Let them carry their own burden- all the things unspoken will make them feel worse. Do not call her, do not ask mutual friends for her. Simply disappear. You've heard so many times phrazes like "fight for our relationship"... Well, they are hollow. To fight with whom? For something someone gave up on? If you happen to bump on your ex alone or with "that guy she's been just friends for long time" just smile and say "HI", walk on your way... If you do this, the truth will appear soon after anyways- she'll be happy with her new man and you spared your dignity. She will keep asking questions in her head all the time. She will even reach to you with effort to "explain"... You do not need that, it was obvious, wasn't it? If you do not walk away as quickly and silently as possible and fall for her explanations you will hear the following: Her: You know, I feel unhappy for quite a long time... You: Unhappy, why? We can work through this, honey, just give me a chance. Her: No, it's different, I love you but I'm not in love with you. You: Oh, how's that possible? Her: I do not know, it's just how I feel... And I feel like you hold me back. I want to spread my lips, ops pardon me, WINGS and fly towards my bright future... You: We can go together, let me try rekindle your feelings. PLEASE! Her: I do not think we can work it out. I am sure we are over. Well, I got to hang up now. Take care of your self. I'll miss you... You: No, wait, do not hang up, we have so much to do together! Think again, PLEASE... Remember that you promised me that we'll always be together? Her: Yes, but now it's different. Sorry, I got to go... Hangs up because her new dude is knocking on the door of her house... See? Do you want to be a part of that joke? Do not let them have their satisfaction and justification. If you hear something of a break up just say: "Ok, I understand and that's all I need. Bye" And hang up or leave... Disappear after, no contact right away and avoid seeing her. If you have been cheated on- you MUST do that. At the end of the day it's your choice, that's just an advice... But trust me, I've been down on this road and I feel like a winner. Some time ago my heart was broken too and I just disappeared and kept on improving myself. Now I hear on her side things like "mistake", "my real love", "once in a lifetime", "I realized" crying in the lonely nights... What goes around comes around, do not doubt in that, it's just a matter of time- long or short. Good luck, fellas... 3
ReadMyThread Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 If you browse on LS you will see a very typical story. Happy relationship for years ended because someone was dumped for another guy (new one or ex, it doesn't matter). In most cases it's the women who leave without any hesitations and for the guys it seems to come out of the blue and so many questions arise and so many efforts to reverse the events... but in vain. The truth is that when a woman decides to leave in 98% of the cases it's for another guy who she met months or perhaps weeks earlyer and you knew nothing about it. You have given her your trust and she took advantage of it to stab you in the back. I do not think they will announce their decision to leave before they slept with the other person. So either she will tell you some bullsh*t like "I'm not in love with you but I love you", or "I need space, I need time, or I need air to breathe and to stay alone with myself for awhile"... This is just bullsh*t to mask the ugly truth and make them justify the behaviour behind your back. For those of you who will say "hey, but that's not always the case" I will say to spare your words and thoughts and look at your own threads here and all over the internetS . Look at the real life! Will you need time and space away from someone you love? Will you? If everything is clean- the normal thing is a will to stay together with someone. The cases when 2-3 year relationships fall appart not because of someone else are very, very little and usually involve health or mental issues. LTR break ups also happen for someone else... If you start hearing those kind of bullsh*t or feel your partner "distant" and "colder"- the break up is coming. And chances are because of someone else is in the picture already... SO, in the very first time you hear some crap like "spacetime", "not in love", "I feel tired, I'll stay home", "we need to talk"... you MUST be prepared for the break up! What to do? Do not aks for explanations! You have nothing to discuss or "work through", she has already made her decision based on the things she did behind your back. You were kept in the dark and that's the first thing to pop up in your mind. Cut contact and say as little as possible, if it is possible, say nothing at all! NOTHING, leave! They did you wrong- do not let them have a chance to justify or to spin your head. Turn around and walk away. They decided to leave, you do not need details. That's enough for you to see they already checked out of the relationship you invested so much in... Let them carry their own burden- all the things unspoken will make them feel worse. Do not call her, do not ask mutual friends for her. Simply disappear. You've heard so many times phrazes like "fight for our relationship"... Well, they are hollow. To fight with whom? For something someone gave up on? If you happen to bump on your ex alone or with "that guy she's been just friends for long time" just smile and say "HI", walk on your way... If you do this, the truth will appear soon after anyways- she'll be happy with her new man and you spared your dignity. She will keep asking questions in her head all the time. She will even reach to you with effort to "explain"... You do not need that, it was obvious, wasn't it? If you do not walk away as quickly and silently as possible and fall for her explanations you will hear the following: Her: You know, I feel unhappy for quite a long time... You: Unhappy, why? We can work through this, honey, just give me a chance. Her: No, it's different, I love you but I'm not in love with you. You: Oh, how's that possible? Her: I do not know, it's just how I feel... And I feel like you hold me back. I want to spread my lips, ops pardon me, WINGS and fly towards my bright future... You: We can go together, let me try rekindle your feelings. PLEASE! Her: I do not think we can work it out. I am sure we are over. Well, I got to hang up now. Take care of your self. I'll miss you... You: No, wait, do not hang up, we have so much to do together! Think again, PLEASE... Remember that you promised me that we'll always be together? Her: Yes, but now it's different. Sorry, I got to go... Hangs up because her new dude is knocking on the door of her house... See? Do you want to be a part of that joke? Do not let them have their satisfaction and justification. If you hear something of a break up just say: "Ok, I understand and that's all I need. Bye" And hang up or leave... Disappear after, no contact right away and avoid seeing her. If you have been cheated on- you MUST do that. At the end of the day it's your choice, that's just an advice... But trust me, I've been down on this road and I feel like a winner. Some time ago my heart was broken too and I just disappeared and kept on improving myself. Now I hear on her side things like "mistake", "my real love", "once in a lifetime", "I realized" crying in the lonely nights... What goes around comes around, do not doubt in that, it's just a matter of time- long or short. Good luck, fellas... Well. Wish I would have seen this post BEFORE it ended lol. I like this though. 1
veggirl Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 VERY good advice. Easier to say than do, as most things are, but dang people will save themselves a world of hurt and time if they follow your post. If someone wants to leave you, let them. Never settle for being on someone's back burner. Relationships don't move forward by going backwards. Needing time or space is a relationship killer. Never count on being the exception to that, realize your relationship is just like millions before it and millions that will follow it. 1
suladas Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 I agree with most of your post, but I don't agree with that part where you believe most end because someone else enters the picture. In fact i'd bet in my social circle like maybe 20% if that end because of that. It's more people just wanting to be single, or just not wanting to be with that person anymore, not because they found anyone else. Not like it makes any difference in the end, but just saying.
Author Shinobi Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 I agree with most of your post, but I don't agree with that part where you believe most end because someone else enters the picture. In fact i'd bet in my social circle like maybe 20% if that end because of that. It's more people just wanting to be single, or just not wanting to be with that person anymore, not because they found anyone else. Not like it makes any difference in the end, but just saying. Nobody wants to be single actually. Everyone wants somebody next to him and a love to share, even me whose heart was brutally broken and changed... "I want to be single" is just an excuse. Even if there isn't anybody yet to replace you (which would be exclusion), very soon there will be. If she says "I just want to be single" she actually says "wowww, I see so many men around and many of them are my type and many of them show interest in me! I just want a different di*c in my a$$ and you are my obstacle." Nowadays "single" doesn't mean that you are completely on your own and spend months and months in loneliness... I've been single since 7 months and had a lot of fun with different women. So if someone says "I just want to be single" take it as "I wanna go for a balls deep rides"... P.S. Please excuse me I am so vulgar, direct and cinical, but that's life. I just try to make some fun of that. 3
21flames Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 I don't see that it's easy just to cut someone off straight away when you live together nor do I think it's unreasonable to want answers if the person is denying there being someone else. She made it hard for me to get my stuff, so I had to do it over a few weeks and when I was able to go round it was obvious she had not been staying there, so we argued and I wanted answers/truth. I never got any and she has moved 8 weeks after the split with who ever it was. All I'm saying is in some situations you can't cut contact straight away.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 AMAZING THREAD!!! This is really good advice and as Veggirl said "easy to say hard to do", especially when we are emotionally weak and clinging to the one that is trying to get away. Great stuff Shinobi!!
suladas Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Nobody wants to be single actually. Everyone wants somebody next to him and a love to share, even me whose heart was brutally broken and changed... "I want to be single" is just an excuse. Even if there isn't anybody yet to replace you (which would be exclusion), very soon there will be. If she says "I just want to be single" she actually says "wowww, I see so many men around and many of them are my type and many of them show interest in me! I just want a different di*c in my a$$ and you are my obstacle." Nowadays "single" doesn't mean that you are completely on your own and spend months and months in loneliness... I've been single since 7 months and had a lot of fun with different women. So if someone says "I just want to be single" take it as "I wanna go for a balls deep rides"... P.S. Please excuse me I am so vulgar, direct and cinical, but that's life. I just try to make some fun of that. So you can read EVERYONE'S mind then right? Not even going to bother explaining, it's just not worth it. Everyone ends a RS because they want to f**k someone else, yep :rolleyes::rolleyes:
Frank13 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 The human brain is designed to fall in love, but not designed to stay in love. That's why relationships never last. There is not always a better person out there when you break up with someone. In fact, you can pretty much count on the fact that your life will be nothing but one relationship after another. Someone always wants out eventually. I have pretty much come to the conclusion that relationships are all a waste of time and pain. No, you won't find that special someone eventually.
witmadskilllz Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 Well. Wish I would have seen this post BEFORE it ended lol. I like this though. exactly my thoughts as well, I wish I would have read this MUCH sooner before my breakup, I fed my ex too much ego during the breakup with begging/pleading. Heads up brothers, this dude speaks the truth.
puzzled1 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Ive gotta bump this up because this is very good advice! I fall into this category 110%!! Sucks I didn't read this prior to breaking up. Its so crazy when you think you know your gf/bf but they pull some crazy stuff on you and its all a surprise! I was in a relationship for over 3 years, and even though these hints were given, I kept trying to make it work, thought it was going to be all good! Nope, its only a matter of time when **** goes south. Hope everyone is doing better than me today! Its been one of those days 1
Frank13 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 No matter who you are, man or woman, who you are with, or how long you have been together, EVERYONE is always looking to trade up. They may not do it, it may never happen, but everyone is always looking for someone better than the person they have.
pooloflife Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 This is just what i am going through ,ex left 2weeks ago ,after i found out she had feelings for another man she has met at work,said she wants to move on after 29 years she was no longer happy wwith for the last 6 months,turns out this man has been chasing her for a year i susspected something was going on and asked she denied it,like you say i cant do anything if she no longer wants to be with me, but its so hurtfull she has been lying to me and saying it was between us only,but all along she had the guy waiting in the wings so yes sometimes all that i want space is all load of crap, to be so decietfull after 29 years is really hard to get my head round ,wish she would of been honest from the start.
Author Shinobi Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) Ive gotta bump this up because this is very good advice! I fall into this category 110%!! Sucks I didn't read this prior to breaking up. Its so crazy when you think you know your gf/bf but they pull some crazy stuff on you and its all a surprise! I was in a relationship for over 3 years, and even though these hints were given, I kept trying to make it work, thought it was going to be all good! Nope, its only a matter of time when **** goes south. Hope everyone is doing better than me today! Its been one of those days I am really sorry for the people who pass through such a thing but if we look around it appears that's the normal thing nowadays... Reading your comment I just want to agree with you and add that 2-3 years mark is somehow the ending time for many, many relationships, including my three I've been into... To Frank13 I want to say that that's correct. I wrote this post from men's perspective but I also want to say that women do it more often than men and have inclination on just replacing men. That's because women look at men as a mean to fulfill their own needs and desires. She doesn't care if it's you or someone else as long as her needs are met. If she "lose" it somewhere on the way, she needs a thrill which someone new can provide for her. So they do not replace the PERSON, they replace the PROVIDER. That's in their minds. In men's minds the thing is that we want PARTICULAR woman for herself, not because of how we feel or what she brings on the table... It is our task to bring on the table but for a woman it's never enough. A woman will never stop checking stealthy for "someone better" even if she is in good relationship. They think they deserve the best which is always just in a hand's distance... Their minds and legs are always open and in the "right moment" anyone could be welcome. Yes, a man would cheat but rarely will replace the woman he's been with for years. Don't be nice guy and always try to remain a challenge for a woman. There's your chance to keep her as long as possible... Pooloflife, it must be terrible after 29 years... Do not lose hope, I know the feeling of betrayal. Unfortunately I can not give you any other advice but to walk away. A woman is never mature and that can happen no matter if she is 16 or 60-70... Yes, workingplace is like a curse for every relationship. She will spend more time with her colleagues that she will with you. And this will continue with years and years, decades... Does anybody really think than a woman (ok, or a man) will resist constant checking? We live in crazy times and I can say that the family is dead... But do not lose hope, exclusions might be possible. Edited October 31, 2012 by Shinobi 1
robaday Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Had this actually. She told me she was confused and having doubts, then started ignoring my calls. A week later she asked if it was over (hadnt seen each other in two weeks) and i was like, hey, sounds like your unhappy so not a lot more i can do. This then prompted her attacking me for another week through texts. I was trying to be a decent guy for her and me........she begged me to talk, so i did, and told her what i needed and she told me to get lost. I wish beyond all anything i hadnt got involved in lengthy discussions. I lost a lot of self respect by explaining - i cant be there for you if your having doubts about me........and she basically said your too insecure, your scared of getting hurt blah blah blah. Is it a crime to admit your insecure? and thats not really insecurity is it? its showing them you respect them and yourself.
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