highwaychile Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 I've been dating this girl for more than a year and half, but for the last couple months she's been studying abroad. I'll fly out to see her in the middle of December which will be the first time I'll be able to hold her in almost 5 months. I've been dealing with some emotions that make no logical sense to me, and they're damaging my relationship, so I'm trying really hard to work through them. The main problem I've had is with her drinking and partying with her friends, but it makes no sense for me to. My logical brain trusts her endlessly, I have 0 doubts (logically) that she is committed to me. And I occasionally drink with my friends too, and the last thing I want to be is a hypocrite. I want her to go drink with her friends, but I want to be able to fully support her while she does. Even though I trust her with my rational brain, my emotional brain is filled with what-if scenarios and cases where she betrays me. I think part of the reason is that I might be looking for a legitimate reason to be upset with her. She left for her semester abroad during a really tough time in my life, and because of that, I've carried some unnecessary and illogical, resentment. If she cheated, those feelings would be justified. I think part of it is that I'm jealous of the amazing experience she's having while I'm stuck in the same old place doing nothing exciting and everything stressful. But again, I'm happy for her, its a once in a lifetime experience. But those two emotions compete sometimes. I've been more open and more vulnerable with this girl than I ever have been before in my life, so I feel scared because of that. I know that I have dependance and insecurity issues that I need to work through as well. So I don't know where to go from here. I feel so stuck. I love this girl an incredible amount and she constantly reminds me that she loves me too. But words feel cheap. I've worked really hard in the relationship and tried so hard to support her, improve my communication, and I even took the risk and bought a plane ticket to go see her. And just hearing or reading how much she loves me just doesn't feel genuine. And she tells me that she can't wait to return to me and that I'm the love of her life, but we're both young (21 and 20) and I know that these things can change in a heart beat. So, does anyone have any advice for how I can work through these feelings and keep my relationship healthy?
Lady Chrissy Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 I feel the same way you do with my boyfriend. I'm 19 and he just turned 21 so he is able to go out and drink now and I can't because I'm too young. I trust my boyfriend with all my heart and I know that he would NEVER cheat on me but like you said, just replying scenes in your head, the what ifs? irrational thoughts just swirlling around. I always had a problem with my boyfriends drinking last boyfriend drank on new years eve and I ended up getting a picture of his halfsister which they aren't even considered that anymore drapped across his lap. . . oh it hurt and make me scared for no reason at all when my current boyfriend drinks. Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out why I feel this way but I have found that trying to keep yourself distracted when you know she is drinking works. Do something that makes you happy or distracts you the most to help you work through it. That is what I'm going to try this new years eve. good luck.
Recommended Posts