Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 Spend more time with them. Honestly - as I have said before - the exuding desperation for a relationship is what others will see in you as the huge turn-off. It seeps out of your pores and scares guys away. They will see only a clingy, desperate girl and they will just run away. Somehow resigning yourself to relaxing and enjoying who you are, what you have, and your future is the only way you'll be prepared for a relationship when/if it presents itself. Until then, you won't be able to attract anyone other than those looking for an easy lay. You said "when/if" like it won't happen for me. That's what in afraid of because if it doesn't happen to me I don't know why I would want to live? I would never committ suicide because I just don't believe in that but I just might as well die. I can't imagine never having marriage or babies then what? I think I can work on myself and try to find things I love but you can only do that for so long you know? I really really want to improve though because I don't want to be a slut or need guys to make me feel good about myself I want to feel good alone. I think I can do that.. Right? I don't know how yet but I'm sure I can.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 IB.......many of us are speaking to you from painful lessons we have learned. You don't want to do that to yourself, it's so much ugly baggage to carry around. I know and I appreciate it. I think I have done good I went out last weekend and it was with a few gfs to a homecoming game and I'm going to another game in a week and I'm going to go start working out and I have been going to the library a lot to study. I get into this bad place when I have a lot of free time like summers, breaks, weekends, etc
Pierre Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I don't want to be a slut or need guys to make me feel good about myself I want to feel good alone. I think I can do that.. Right? I don't know how yet but I'm sure I can. Watch out for men that say the things you want to hear. You will be easy prey for them. Make a conscious effort to only date the nerdy types. You have extremely low self esteem and even if you were to find a nice man to marry you he would not be enough to satisfy your enormous need for validation Remember this: NO ONE CAN MANKE YOU HAPPY 24/7! So you would probably become a MOW if you ever get married. Regarding your low self esteem. The best thing you can do is to ALWAYS to the right thing by you and others. Buy a small booklet called "The Four Agreements". It is probably no more than 5 dollars, very short, and extremely easy to read. Do everything that is on this book and your self esteem may improve. Become a born again virgin. You don't need all this sex with these losers. Learn how to masturbate. See a sexologist and learn how to masturbate. This will cure your anorgasmia and help you have a happy life when you find a mate. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 Watch out for men that say the things you want to hear. You will be easy prey for them. Make a conscious effort to only date the nerdy types. You have extremely low self esteem and even if you were to find a nice man to marry you he would not be enough to satisfy your enormous need for validation Remember this: NO ONE CAN MANKE YOU HAPPY 24/7! So you would probably become a MOW if you ever get married. Regarding your low self esteem. The best thing you can do is to ALWAYS to the right thing by you and others. Buy a small booklet called "The Four Agreements". It is probably no more than 5 dollars, very short, and extremely easy to read. Do everything that is on this book and your self esteem may improve. Become a born again virgin. You don't need all this sex with these losers. Learn how to masturbate. See a sexologist and learn how to masturbate. This will cure your anorgasmia and help you have a happy life when you find a mate. I can cum on my own just not with someone else. I really think I can do this, you seem really pessimistic about me and my future. I think I can get my **** together and be a great wife and mother one day
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 You said "when/if" like it won't happen for me. That's what in afraid of because if it doesn't happen to me I don't know why I would want to live? I would never committ suicide because I just don't believe in that but I just might as well die. I can't imagine never having marriage or babies then what? I think I can work on myself and try to find things I love but you can only do that for so long you know? I really really want to improve though because I don't want to be a slut or need guys to make me feel good about myself I want to feel good alone. I think I can do that.. Right? I don't know how yet but I'm sure I can. wow that was sad to read when you say you might as well die ..thats crazy hun you cant just give up on your life like that omg you got to keep your head up you think that guy would want to die over you?? no .so why sould you you can fixs your self you just have to stop this ...and dont text this guy anymore let him text you and make this a lession so next time with a nother guy this will not happen again everone lose there way or fall a great person is the one that pick them self back up
Pierre Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I can cum on my own just not with someone else. I really think I can do this, you seem really pessimistic about me and my future. I think I can get my **** together and be a great wife and mother one day OK, maybe you are having sex without a true emotional connection. I do sound pessimistic, but I also see that you are quite young and starting to have an understanding of what is going on with you. Just stay away from those players. Get that booklet and memorize it. It will take you no more than a couple of hours. Tell yourself everyday you are going to be a different person and only date nerds. I read in another thread that you only like these men that look unintelligent. Forget about them!
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I can cum on my own just not with someone else. I really think I can do this, you seem really pessimistic about me and my future. I think I can get my **** together and be a great wife and mother one day for real you sure can you just have to stop making these guys mess with your head or emotion find someone that will loves you and i mean loves you
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 wow that was sad to read when you say you might as well die ..thats crazy hun you cant just give up on your life like that omg you got to keep your head up you think that guy would want to die over you?? no .so why sould you you can fixs your self you just have to stop this ...and dont text this guy anymore let him text you and make this a lession so next time with a nother guy this will not happen again everone lose there way or fall a great person is the one that pick them self back up No I didn't mean over him and I'm not suicidal or anything I mean like in general if I don't meet someone to marry and be with
MissBee Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 (edited) I don't really have hobbies, BUT I am joining a gym soon. I do have things I like doing like reading and shopping but it is always nice to have someone to text while you do all those things. As far as the sex, I like sex I just haven't ever came from it BUT I like feeling like someone likes me and wants me enough to have sex it makes me feel good. MissBee, did you just delete those guys and then it got better? I feel like I could do that with the guys I hook up with but I still have my ex in there and I can't delete him its like too much closure you know?? The act of deleting itself didn't make it better. When I deleted them it was confirming my active choice to do things differently and to be done with wasting time with these men and invest in more fruitful ways to be happy and fulfilled. You completely define yourself by attention from men...has your therapist spoken to you about this? It's nice to be desired but it SHOULD NOT be this thing you crave to the point of self-sabotage. Emotionally healthy and secure women can appreciate compliments and being liked but don't chase after it and certainly don't think a man wanting to have sex with them is the end all be all. A man wanting to sleep with you doesn't mean he likes you...he may just like sex and you so happen to be the warm vagina the sex is attached to. That's the problem I'm looking at with you and so many girls and grown women...so hungry for affection and love, that we give sex and sometimes even pretend sex is all we want, when in reality we want to be loved, we want to be valued, we want to be liked and cherished and we think a man wanting to have sex with us is the same thing...it's not. Sex with a man who already likes you, loves you and values you is waaaay different than sex with a horny man who can tell that you're the kind of girl soo hungry for attention that he barely has to do anything to talk you out of your panties. Word to the wise: if you don't really look into this and start figuring out ways to be less dependent on the need to "have someone to text" etc. you'll continuously end up in unfulfilling scenarios/relationships and will always be wondering why. Edited October 28, 2012 by MissBee 2
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 OK, maybe you are having sex without a true emotional connection. I do sound pessimistic, but I also see that you are quite young and starting to have an understanding of what is going on with you. Just stay away from those players. Get that booklet and memorize it. It will take you no more than a couple of hours. Tell yourself everyday you are going to be a different person and only date nerds. I read in another thread that you only like these men that look unintelligent. Forget about them! i dont agree maybe its normal some people body are diffrent beacuse am the same way as her and i know the guys i have been with i have loved them for sure and emotional connection with them ..i feel dirty saying this but it only happen when i do it lol
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 No I didn't mean over him and I'm not suicidal or anything I mean like in general if I don't meet someone to marry and be with lol ok sorry girl you scared me lol
Pierre Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 i dont agree maybe its normal some people body are diffrent beacuse am the same way as her and i know the guys i have been with i have loved them for sure and emotional connection with them ..i feel dirty saying this but it only happen when i do it lol No need to feel bad about something that is extremely common. All you need is practice! 1
taya Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 No need to feel bad about something that is extremely common. All you need is practice! lol hahaha i ask for that one lol
Saba Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I really really want to improve though because I don't want to be a slut or need guys to make me feel good about myself I want to feel good alone. I think I can do that.. Right? I don't know how yet but I'm sure I can. I am sure you can feel good alone it is a matter of believing and validating yourself. It may sound really silly but it can be as simple as recognising when you are feeling vunerable and then reassuring yourself. It works best if you repeat the reassurance over and over and over (even saying it to yourself in a mirror). For example I like to repeat the phrase 'I approve of myself' if I start to feel unsure. It stops negative thoughts. You control what you think, think things that benefit you. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Watch out for men that say the things you want to hear. You will be easy prey for them. Make a conscious effort to only date the nerdy types. You have extremely low self esteem and even if you were to find a nice man to marry you he would not be enough to satisfy your enormous need for validation Remember this: NO ONE CAN MANKE YOU HAPPY 24/7! So you would probably become a MOW if you ever get married. Regarding your low self esteem. The best thing you can do is to ALWAYS to the right thing by you and others. Buy a small booklet called "The Four Agreements". It is probably no more than 5 dollars, very short, and extremely easy to read. Do everything that is on this book and your self esteem may improve. Become a born again virgin. You don't need all this sex with these losers. Learn how to masturbate. See a sexologist and learn how to masturbate. This will cure your anorgasmia and help you have a happy life when you find a mate. The nerdy types can be evil too. They just hide it better.
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I kind of think that is part of the reason my ex and I didn't work, I wanted to be with him ALL THE TIME and idk I mean he could have told me though instead of dumping me. If you expect your boyfriend to fulfill every single need and to entertain you 24/7, not have his own life and own friends, own hobbies and just time on his own, then ALL your relationships in the future will be unhealthy and eventually you'll have huge problems. You need to have your time, things you like to do without having a boyfriend around. Hobbies, women friends, being with your family... Spread yourself out! This way you have time to miss the boyfriend and he can miss you - It makes the time spent together even more meaningful and special. You're young and as you get older, you'll not want the same attention and you'll have lrdd desire to be around your bf all the time. You'll want "ME" time. I love my "ME" time. Everybody deserves time alone! 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 It concerns me that "like, a week" seems an unbearably long time for you to wait for something very important to you I understand impatience, but that's out of control! All over the place in life, things worth having are worth waiting for. Also worth WORKING for. The kind of easy instant gratification you are always going for would probably give you no fulfillment. You are in school; you have friends. Enjoy that 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 It concerns me that "like, a week" seems an unbearably long time for you to wait for something very important to you I understand impatience, but that's out of control! All over the place in life, things worth having are worth waiting for. Also worth WORKING for. The kind of easy instant gratification you are always going for would probably give you no fulfillment. You are in school; you have friends. Enjoy that I'm really easily influenced so its like if my friends have guys I need one too. It's stupid I know. I'm super immature.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 Lather, rinse and repeat.....lather, rinse and repeat....lather... I can admit it. But I would be a good mom and wife because I would give my husband and baby everything
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I can admit it. But I would be a good mom and wife because I would give my husband and baby everything You're way too ahead of yourself to be thinking husband and baby.. You've admitted that you're immature. Just enjoy life! Don't rush into marriage or having a baby! If you go looking for it (it meaning a GUY) too forcefully, it will run and hide from you. When you're least expecting it and not looking so hard, a great guy will be around the corner, waiting. Until then, just chill out and stop wanting what others have. BE happy with your life, your health and all the good things that you have. The rest will fall into place as it should ON it's own time schedule. 2
CarrieT Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I can admit it. But I would be a good mom and wife because I would give my husband and baby everything Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You admit that you are impatient and immature. That is good. It shows you have some insight. However, those are NOT attributes that lend themselves well to being a mother or a wife. You are not yet capable of giving a husband or a baby "everything" because you can't provide well enough for yourself without going off on your desperation. When you see that and are able to responsibly handle the ramifications of a relationship without going off half-cocked, then maybe you might be ready to be a mother and a wife. 3
SecretFlower Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 No, you really wouldn't be a good mom and wife because you would be incredibly needy and when they could not provide you with the constant attention and "love" you seem to crave you would go looking for it elsewhere. And, then you would hurt said husband and child and would begin the cycle again, because you would you would be depressed and I would assume when you are depressed you look for comfort which brings us where...You admit that you are immature. I could see how this could be true. You have, like many of us, issues with being alone. You hate giving up the security blanket that is someone to stroke your ego and tell you everything is alright -- which is where the husband and baby come in. Babies need you as much as you need them and husbands are there to cradle you when you are on the brink of a complete nervous breakdown -- at least you think they are. A relationship is not based on constant companionship. At least not a healthy one. What you are looking for is a desperate attempt at confirmation that you are good enough and going back to Mr. Engaged is not going to help you. Not in the long run anyways. 4
Pierre Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I can admit it. But I would be a good mom and wife because I would give my husband and baby everything I am sure you would. You would do this and more as long as they acknowledge you as a great mom and wife. Sometimes extremely nice people that can't say no have low self esteem too. More symptoms to think about.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 I deleted him! I'm really proud of myself, I'm a little sad too because it is like the total ending of anything that I could have potentially had with him but in the end he wasn't mine and I want a guy who is mine and all mine and I don't think I want the bad karma (if any) that comes with messing with someones bf (been there done that no good). I can't bring myself to delete my 2 exes (I'm sure I will eventually) but I still hold out a little hope for them one step at a time I guess. 5
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 Don't worry...she won't commit suicide. She has a handle on everything. I don't believe in suicide. I said my life wouldn't be worth living if I don't get married or have babies I guess I will worry about that stuff in 4 years if I am 25 and single still.
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