Difficulty moving on

[whatever136]

It's been a month now since my ex broke up with me. Initially, I was devastated and fell into a pretty dark place. We had only dated for 8 months, but she was the first girl I had ever truly fallen in love with and my heart was and still is of course broken.

 

However, I will say I am doing much better now in a certain sense -- I have accepted that we are no longer together and I refuse to let myself be upset because it was beginning to take a toll on my life (I'm a senior in college and currently on the job hunt).

 

But...just because I've accepted it, doesn't mean I'm any closer to moving on. Believe me, I want nothing more than to move on. I wish I could just snap my fingers and have all of my feelings and everything just fly right out the window.

 

I think I'm having such a difficult time moving on because I know she's going to regret her decision, if that makes sense? We did not end on bad terms at all. Although from the outside, it may have appeared that way, as my friends and family want me to have nothing to do with her, on the inside, it really was not bad at all.

 

Here's the thing -- I pushed the whole relationship on her from the beginning when in retrospect, she wasn't ready (and clearly still isn't) for a relationship at this point in her life. We were talking and fooling around for a month and we both had strong feelings for each other, so I initiated the relationship and she ultimately agreed.

 

As I said though, she really just isn't ready for a relationship right now. She's extremely busy with school, work, and applying to grad school. She gets stressed out very easily. She also had been hurt really bad in the past, about a year before she and I started dating.

 

She didn't have trust issues, but it was obvious that whenever she was getting close to me, she'd pull away and distance herself.

 

It even caused her to break up with me for about a week around 4 months into our relationship -- but she ran back and told me "Don't ever let me be stupid again, please."

 

Well, the last four months of our relationship were great. I could feel herself allowing herself to get close to me and I thought everything was perfect -- until she went away for work one weekend (she works with our football team as a trainer). When she came back, she was noticeably distant.

 

And sure enough, she broke up with me the following Monday night.

 

She repeatedly said how sorry she was, that she didn't know what was wrong with her because I'm a perfect guy and any girl would love to be with me, and that she hated that she had to be the one to hurt me and "ruin it all" for me. (I think she was referring to her experience before we dated and thinking I'd feel a similar way)

 

She also said she knew that I loved her and was willing to wait around for her to solve all her issues while we were together, but it wasn't fair to me because she couldn't give me everything I gave her and I deserved so much more than that. Another thing she said was that she "wished we met later in life".

 

She ended it with that she just needs to be by herself and work everything out and find out what she really wants. She said maybe being by herself will make her realize and we can have a shot in the future -- but she was very clear that she did NOT want me waiting around for her because that's not fair to me.

 

And I understood it all, I really did. I knew all of these things about her when we were dating, I had just hoped I would be able to help her through her issues without us having to separate. I have not gone back and begged for her back once.

 

We've talked here and there, but just as friends. She still feels horrible about hurting me and will text me every now and then to make sure I'm ok.

 

Like I said, I have accepted that we aren't together. And I've also accepted that despite what she said, there's a pretty good chance we will never be together again -- we graduate in May and are likely going to end up in different areas.

 

But I'm finding it extremely difficult to begin to truly move on. I'm still at the point where I honestly can't see myself with anyone else. I have no desire or motivation to pursue anyone -- no matter how attractive they are because I know they aren't my ex and no one will be her.

 

She was my best friend and I had plenty of relationship experience prior to her -- no one made me feel like she did. There was even a point early on in our relationship when I thought to myself, wow I want to marry this girl.

 

So my question for you all, how do I go about moving on when I know for a fact (I just don't know when) she will regret her decision/solve her issues and come back? I know I need to move on for my own good, because nothing in life is guaranteed and I do deserve to find a loving relationship, but I don't know how to do it.

[NavyAirTraffic]

My ex told me the same EXACT things your ex told you, exact. 1 month later she was is with someone else. Our situation is even more similar, her going away for the weekend and coming back "changed". Mine lived with me and went out a couple nights with her girlfriends and "changed" after that. I think in both of our situations they thought we were perfect, but not perfect for them. Otherwise they wouldn't be telling us to "move on" "you're perfect but I can't be with you".

 

I'm doing 1000% better but I'm not fully cured of her and I think this thought that one day they will realize they "made a mistake" and come back is the final hurdle. With this thought we are being unfair to ourselves. We cannot predict the future, but our thoughts revolve around this unknown. I just keep telling myself "it's over, she's never coming back". My heart isn't listening now but hopefully, with repetition, those words will begin to sink in a bit.

 

I wish someone would create a pill for this.....

[whatever136]

My ex told me the same EXACT things your ex told you, exact. 1 month later she was is with someone else. Our situation is even more similar, her going away for the weekend and coming back "changed". Mine lived with me and went out a couple nights with her girlfriends and "changed" after that. I think in both of our situations they thought we were perfect, but not perfect for them. Otherwise they wouldn't be telling us to "move on" "you're perfect but I can't be with you".

 

I'm doing 1000% better but I'm not fully cured of her and I think this thought that one day they will realize they "made a mistake" and come back is the final hurdle. With this thought we are being unfair to ourselves. We cannot predict the future, but our thoughts revolve around this unknown. I just keep telling myself "it's over, she's never coming back". My heart isn't listening now but hopefully, with repetition, those words will begin to sink in a bit.

 

I wish someone would create a pill for this.....

 

Oh, man. I'm sorry dude. How did you cope with that? If I find out my ex is within someone else within even the next 2 months or so, I think I'd lose it and be very upset.

 

But what you said sounds pretty spot on. I feel like it's going to take forever for me to be fully cured.

[NavyAirTraffic]

Oh, man. I'm sorry dude. How did you cope with that? If I find out my ex is within someone else within even the next 2 months or so, I think I'd lose it and be very upset.

 

But what you said sounds pretty spot on. I feel like it's going to take forever for me to be fully cured.

 

Well honestly it didn't affect me much, it stung a bit but I didn't go through the nauseating effects you normally do when you find out. I did what's in the "get over her fast" link in my signature. I forced myself through those emotions in the beginning, seeing the pics with her new man only put a face to my fantasies, my body has already been through hell.

 

Even thought she is with someone else I still can't let go of her coming back one day. After I saw the pics of her with her new bf I thought "great, now I can finally start getting over her". That hasn't happened, I'm still justifying her coming back for some reason. I guess what I'm saying is we need to decide now to get over them. Any kind of evidence hasn't helped me relieve the thoughts of her coming back yet.

[whatever136]

No other opinions? I'd really appreciate insight...whatever it may be.