stupidguy Posted August 1, 2004 Posted August 1, 2004 I dont know where to begin, im kinda stunned and Im realizing Im a stupidguy. About 2 yrs ago, I met a girl online. She was in the middle of divorcing her husband. She has two young children, 5 and 3 yrs old. She is in her forties, im 49. She lives 100 miles away. I am divorced with sole custody of two boys, 14 and 18. My first wife has gone away. Very sad. Anyway, to make it short here, we fell in love. Well, she came on to me like gangbusters, almost too good to be true, as I was sort of withdrawn at the time due to the horrible time I had with my ex. So, we meet, fall in love, she moves into an apartment, has hardly any money, cannot work due to medical problems, and we proceed to talk about our future together. So, I begin to help with money weekly, while she collects from her ex. I cant commit to a time frame for marraige, as I keep getting gut feelings that she is not able to cope with her life as a single mom, and starts to show very selfish traits, and Im feeling like maybe we shouldnt get married right away. Well I was right, last year, she breaks up with me, and tries to go back with her ex. He doesnt want her back. So this stupidguy goes back with her. She can be very sweet and loving. So I start the money flowing again, and everything is just fine. Only one problem. She never tells her kids or her ex about me, and when she calls him to see how the kids are when they are there, she goes in other rooms, or down the block. She says that if he knew he would upset the kids, and he would give her a hard time verbally. Im getting flags, but I keep moving forward, cause im a stupidguy. Well anyway, I finally meet her kids. But she doesnt want them to know im her boyfriend, cause the 5 year old doesnt want a stepfather, and is still raw from the divorce. I act like im just a friend of her mom, and get a sick feeling in my stomach. When I ask her how she thought my meeting with the kids went, she says they didint say anything. I scratch my head, cause im stupid. And I continue to trust her. Than about two weeks ago, she comes down to my apt. for the weekend. We go out with my son on Saturday and all seems ok. She gets along great with my children. We get back to my house, and im getting ready to make dinner and she sits me down and says "Im having a panic attack" I need to go home right away.! She lives 2 hours away. But I say ok, cause im freaked. On the drive home im trying to get some sort of answer. All she would say is she had some sort of revelation, and she wont talk. So, me being the Stupidguy I am, I assume we will get to her house and I will stay the night, than drive back in the AM. She says no. Duh..... Well we get there, and now I finally get it. Si I give her thekey to her place back, and walk back to my car, and just sit there. Im totally stunned. She comes out, and says she still cares about me as a person... LOL, I tell her to go away. So, I let Sunday go by, cause im thinkin she flipped wait till Monday, and I call Monday. She tell in a business like voice, "Dont Speak, Just Listen", I had a revelation, and I cannot see us getting married, If we were single it might have worked out. I want a clean break, good luck with your new job, and thanks for all the help you have given me and my kids. And thats the last I have heard from her. I felt bad at first as I knew she depended on my money, but I couldnt see giving her more in light of her desire to just cut me off like that. Now, two weeks later, im starting to realize I may have been used. Im not sure. She seemed to really love me. Needless to say, im devastated, I love her very much, I want to contact her, but I know its not a good idea. Anyone have any advice for me. Stupidguy.
WhiteDragon Posted August 1, 2004 Posted August 1, 2004 Man that sucks... But heres my advice for you...even though you are 49 and I'm 24...I've actually been in similiar situations like you. Don't call her. Sounds to me she has used you and sees she can use you and will continue to do so. Its hard not to contact her but its possible. Move on...try to distract yourself with hobbies or something. But the best thing I think is to try to forget her.
Author stupidguy Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 Thanks for your support White Dragon. My common sense tells me now after reading my own post, that I was indeed used, but my heart wont let me believe she could be so calculating. I thought this stuff only happens on TV. She seemed to really love me. I guess common sense will take over in my case, I hope its soon, cause I just cannot believe that people can do things like this to other people. I see from some of the threads here that Im not alone. If she did use, and it seems true, I just wonder how she can sleep at night, knowing that I gave my heart and soul to her, and took care of her when noone else would. I guess sooner or later when things dont work out on her end she probably will contact me somehow, but I doubt it cause she knows I could never trust her again. I just cant believe I didnt see it, or maybe I did but didnt want to believe it? I hope when I feel a bit better, I can help some people here, its a great place to come to for comfort in bad times. Stupidguy
Author stupidguy Posted August 2, 2004 Author Posted August 2, 2004 Hi Olivia... Yea, from the beginning although in the beginning she said she wasnt comfortable with it. She needed money for apt security, than knew that the money she would have from her disability check and support from her ex would never cover her monthly expenses. I told her I would help her until we were able to get married, and I made sure she always had a full fridge, and some extra for her and her kids. The day before she broke up with me, she asked for some money because she said her checking acct was overdrawn. I balked at first, but than gave it to her... And now I just realized why she wanted it....DUH. Im a stupidguy alright...LOL
Olivia_19742004 Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 I'm usually the one that sees the other end of the spectrum but in this case I think it's possible she may have taken advantage of the situation. Don't let this jade you. Not everyone is like this.
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