Boyfriend completely blew off my birthday

[Arabella]

I've been "official" with my current boyfriend for about two weeks. Prior to that, we were lovers for about 4 months, and close friends for about a year. More background information on this thread.

 

Long story short... Yesterday was my birthday, and he completely blew it off. I am trying to figure out how to deal with it.

 

There was a lot going on for him this weekend and I knew he was trying to please everyone. Him and his friends are participating in a car race this weekend and he was supposed to trailer their car up to the track on Friday morning, then come back to spend the rest of the evening with me, and go back up on Saturday to race. I would have come up there later in the afternoon to watch him race and spend the night with him. He also has a friend's bachelor party going on that he was trying to somehow make room to attend. A lot going on....

 

So last night he was supposed to pick me up at work and take me to dinner, then we were going to go to a Halloween party. He let me know that he wasn't going to be able to make it to pick me up because he was running late (2 hour drive). I understand sometimes things like this just happen... so I swallowed my annoyance and took a cab home, and he came to my place as soon as he got back.

 

He did not bring me anything. No gift, no card, no flowers... nothing. I even had to prepare him food because he had not eaten all day, since he was so busy and stressed.

 

We went to our party later in the evening and it was fun. He tried pretty hard to make it fun for me despite the fact he's not much of a party person.

 

The whole thing, however, leaves me feeling like an afterthought. I talked to him about it on our way back from the party and told him how I felt... he said he understood why I felt that way, and he thought about getting me flowers on the way to my place, but he just got sidetracked with all the stress.

 

Really though? We're not talking about a guy who lacks the financial means to do something for his girlfriend. He's just spent hundreds of dollars on other things, including this race.

 

His birthday was in September and I made sure he felt appreciated. Took him to a nice restaurant, got him a gift he uses every day, and even baked him a cake he shared with his friends.

 

I don't care about the gift itself... I make good money and I can (and do) buy myself things all the time. I am more concerned about the fact that his only thought to acknowledge my birthday was just before he came over to my place, and he didn't even manage to actually go through with it.

 

He is under a lot of stress this weekend, and I get that. But how much of that should be an acceptable excuse? He's known all along it was my birthday and did nothing.

 

Right now he's up at the track and I was supposed to go up there later but I don't think I'm going to. I'm feeling highly unappreciated and I don't feel like playing nice girlfriend in front of his friends, who I was supposed to meet for the first time today.

 

Any thoughts or suggestions would be highly appreciated....

 

-A

[xdahliax]

It does suck. But if this is an exception and he makes you feel special all the time, then you should let it slide. It's only a problem when this type of stuff always happens and he somehow always has an excuse.

[Els]

I'm of two minds about this. On the one hand, I'm flabbergasted that a bf of FOUR MONTHS can totally not bother about your birthday like that. It makes me question how invested he is in the R in the first place. Flipping off birthdays is something that might be acceptable 10 yrs into a R. Not 4 months.

 

On the other hand, relationships aren't everything in our lives and sometimes life really is so hectic that we have to put all our effort and thought into just surviving that. What exactly was your bf stressed about? Was it just a car race with his friends and a bachelor party? Or was there more?

 

Personally, I would weigh the cause of his stress against the total lack of effort for a day that most people understand would be special (and he should know how you feel about it after what you did for HIS). Causes such as a seriously ill family member, once-in-a-lifetime 'make it or break it' work situations, might be okay. Car races (unless it's a career for him, not a hobby) and bachelor parties really do not cut it. If he can put in the effort to go to a bachelor party he can put in the effort to take his birthday girl to dinner. Or at the very least apologize and promise to make it up to her within the next week (instead of just saying 'I got sidetracked').

 

During my BD, the bf was working 12 hours/day overnight and had had to work the previous weekend as well, so that's something like 14 days of work straight. He still put in the effort to call me on the stroke of midnight, to plan ahead and buy me a few gifts beforehand (because he knew he wouldn't have time on the day), and to take me out for dinner (though it had to be brief cause he had to get to work). I'm not saying this to brag, but to explain that if someone loves you, they will try and do something for you to make you happy no matter how busy they are, barring extremely extenuating circumstances. And we have been together for years. In your position I think it is reasonable for you to be unhappy about his actions (or lack thereof).

Edited October 27, 2012 by Elswyth

[Arabella]

@xdahliax: It's the first time he's had the opportunity to do anything for me. We go out all the time and he pays for many other things (though I'd say it's pretty evenly split, we alternate).. but he just failed to do anything special for me yesterday.

 

@Elswyth: You know what, that's exactly how I feel about it. I'm a busy woman too (I work 45 hours/week and take 4 college courses), but I still managed to plan for his birthday last month.

 

This weekend is stressful because his race team are being less than helpful and the race track is 2 hours away from our city. Furthermore, his friend's bachelor party is 4 hours away from the track (and 2 from our city). Logistics for this weekend are a mess... hence the stress. Trying to time everything has been very difficult.

 

We've both been exceptionally cautious in our involvement, and I know he's not as invested as he could be. For that matter, neither am I... but I am trying. We enjoy our time together very much and we thought we could have an even better thing, that's why we decided to make our relationship official instead of just remaining lovers or ending it.

 

I feel so hurt he completely blew it off. I know he cares, but this is really not enough. I would've done what I did for him even if he was still just my friend, and I can't believe I somehow ended up at the bottom of his priority list and he neglected to do anything for me... but he's willing to drive 4 hours away each way to his friend's bachelor party.

 

I just texted him to let him know I wouldn't be coming up tonight, and told him to have fun and I'd see him Monday.

 

I don't know what to do next.

[utterer of lies]

You are kidding yourself.

 

"Oh, I'm so stressed."

"Oh, I was so busy."

 

If he cared, he wouldn't need those excuses.

[Arabella]

He sounds self absorbed, you deserved to be treated better. Get rid of him. Tactfully. Him forgetting your birthday at four months is a precursor as to whats to come. If you stick around do you think he will remember your anniversary?

 

He's always been somewhat "distracted" for things like this... and you know? I doubt he would remember our anniversary, unless Facebook reminded him lol.

 

If this was a new man with no history, I'd definitely agree with you...but he has been there for me every time I've needed him for important things. That ought to count for something, no?

[xxoo]

If this weekend is crazy busy, he could have acknowledged that ahead of time and celebrated before, or made concrete plans to celebrate after.

 

Whose idea was the Halloween party? If he isn't a party guy, was this party your plan? Skipping it would have opened up an evening to celebrate your birthday.

[Arabella]

@xxoo: The party was my idea. I love Halloween costume parties and he knew I really wanted to go. This particular event was quite high-profile and taking place in a landmark building in our city. Expensive tickets, which I paid for. We bought costumes, etc. Totally NOT his thing. He really went out of his comfort zone to come with me and I appreciated that.

 

I agree that he could have made plans for before/after. That's what we did for his. Spent the weekend together (a couple days before) and he went out to dinner with his friends on the day of, and ate the cake I made him with them. It worked well enough. We weren't officially a couple at the time, but I wanted to show I cared regardless.

 

@Hawaii50: Thank you!

Edited October 27, 2012 by Arabella

[Els]

Eh, if he went to the Halloween party just for you, I revise my opinion. He might have thought of that as his 'gift' to you, since he didn't want to go and you did so he went to the trouble of going just for you. His thought might have been 'If she had wanted me to take her out to dinner that much then she wouldn't have arranged to go to a party on the night of her birthday'.

[mesmerized]

I think you're trying to make excuses for him now. You said he has been there for you when you needed him. Can you give us some examples?

[Ninjainpajamas]

Yes, Happy 60th Birthday Arabella, you look so great for your age! you have the feet of a 20 year old!

 

Ok, about the situation..

 

"I've been "official" with my current boyfriend for about two weeks. Prior to that, we were lovers for about 4 months, and close friends for about a year."

 

Yeeaaaahh....well, that right there unfortunately tells me a lot from the perspective of a man and what his intentions and behavior are representing.

 

This doesn't sound like a guy that was looking for a relationship with you, sounds like he just fell into it...of course probably resulting from sex, but this sounds like a rebound relationship, not necessarily anything planned or intended on.

 

His actions to me are of a man who's not ready to put a woman first, I think his interest and personal life will take precedence over anything romantic. I think before being a lover was convenient and fulfilling by now he's kind of forced into the official role which is now upping the pressure.

 

You see just because a guy "act"s like he's in a relationship which so many women like to put a label on, it doesn't mean he's ready for one "officially". Men in his position don't need that official label, because no the bar is being raised to another level and he'll soon realize that the expectations are going to be higher where as just lovers, he has free will to roam and make decisions on his own....It's like a cell phone plan, one without a contract you can back out at any time, the other you have to pay every month, that's the difference for some men with commitment.

 

I don't have the brain power to read through the past posts that you made and research this but this doesn't sound like a guy who's ready to be "that guy" again. Something caused this whole gradual process of one year supposed "friendship" (which I really don't buy), four months as lovers (which sounds more reasonable and realistic to where this was going anyway to me) and now an official relationship (which to me sounds like he got swept into) It feels more like he just needed someone to talk to and you guys got to know each other because of prior drama, you know how people get out of relationships and want to pretend they're not rebounding so they call someone a "friend" as a way of tricking themselves that they're taking the time to get over someone and not jumping into someone else when in reality they are, because they're getting to know someone else and developing feelings? yeah that thing!

 

Anyway, you'll have to communicate with him about this...you guys started out as friends, you should have better communication than this, so tell him straight up how you feel and what you really expected and how hurt you feel over it...give him the chance to make it up or make it better, otherwise just sweep it under the rug as that will be your choice regardless, I doubt you'd break up with him over this regardless of any facts, so in that respect just deal with it and accept that this is how he is going to treat you on your birthday, and just use those other things that you like about him and all that to compensate for this lack of...competency or effort as per normal handling that is typical in this scenario...right now you're just in the moment but you'll get over it eventually and see the good elsewhere that "makes up for it" even though it doesn't really make it right.

[xdahliax]

I don't know how he is because I don't know him. You say that this is the first time he would have had to do anything special for you, which is hard for my to believe considering that he's been your close friend for a year. I tend to not stay friends with people who never go out of their way for me, because I do it for my friends.

 

If he really does not have a good track record of being there for you, or a nonexistent one, why did you enter in a relationship with him?

 

I think that your disappointment right now might be overshadowing the good things he's done. Either way, keep an eye out for that kind of behaviour. I dated a guy who always put himself first but also always managed to have an excuse. I'd be the bad guy if I complained. Needless to say, people like that are selfish and most likely will never change.

[Arabella]

Eh, if he went to the Halloween party just for you, I revise my opinion. He might have thought of that as his 'gift' to you, since he didn't want to go and you did so he went to the trouble of going just for you. His thought might have been 'If she had wanted me to take her out to dinner that much then she wouldn't have arranged to go to a party on the night of her birthday'.

 

Well, if I recall correctly, he's the one who said he was going to pick me up to go to dinner when he got back from dropping the car off at the track. I'm not even really annoyed that we didn't go to dinner, since stuff like this just happens. It's more the fact that HE didn't get me anything and the one thought that he had was to get me flowers, and he somehow still didn't manage that...

 

I appreciate that he went out of his comfort zone to come to the party with me, I really do. But should it be enough?

 

I think you're trying to make excuses for him now. You said he has been there for you when you needed him. Can you give us some examples?

 

We became friends when I was in the process of ending the relationship with my now ex-fiance. During this time we became very close because he was my pillar of strength. He spent countless hours with me, whether it was listening to me complain about life or trying to lift my mood. Somehow, he just kept me sane through a very difficult period of my life. We became sexually involved 4 months after the break up with my ex, and an official couple 4 months later (two weeks ago).

 

Anytime I've needed his help (even when I haven't asked for it), he's been there for me. I KNOW he cares. Could it be he sucks at showing it in the traditional ways that most women expect?

 

I am upset, yes... but I am trying to be fair in evaluating how much this one event matters in the grand scheme of things.

 

I really appreciate everyone's insight about the situation

[nessaaa]

Your title is enough said.

 

How dare he.the one person whose suupose to treat u like a princess at least on ur bday.

pff jerk. **** him. Selfish.

[nessaaa]

I would light a match in his ass

[Arabella]

Yes, Happy 60th Birthday Arabella, you look so great for your age! you have the feet of a 20 year old!

 

 

Haha thanks!

 

Yeeaaaahh....well, that right there unfortunately tells me a lot from the perspective of a man and what his intentions and behavior are representing.

 

This doesn't sound like a guy that was looking for a relationship with you, sounds like he just fell into it...of course probably resulting from sex, but this sounds like a rebound relationship, not necessarily anything planned or intended on.

 

Actually, just to be clear... this wasn't a case of us starting as FWB and me hoping for more. If anything, I would be the one rebounding, not him. He was my friend during/after the break up with my fiance. He had been single for over 2 years at the time.

 

I was the who initiated our sexual relationship, and I told him flat out that was all I wanted because I was NOT ready for another relationship so soon. I missed the sex/intimacy, but I never saw him as a romantic prospect at the time and told him as much.

 

What happened is that the whole thing turned into a relationship without the label... practically by accident. He spent a couple nights at my place every week, went out together all the time, weekend vacations together, heck.. even went on a cruise together... etc. I wasn't looking for it at the time, but it happened.

 

This man is not a highly experienced individual. He has only had ONE long-term girlfriend in his part, and one other attempt that went nowhere. For context, he is 25 years old and I am his second sexual partner, and his second official girlfriend. I am 29.

 

I don't know how he is because I don't know him. You say that this is the first time he would have had to do anything special for you, which is hard for my to believe considering that he's been your close friend for a year. I tend to not stay friends with people who never go out of their way for me, because I do it for my friends.

 

He's been there for me in many other ways but it's the first time where he would have to go out of his way and think ahead to get me a gift or do something special for me. He does not usually plan things, nor is he very good at it. Sorry for the confusion!

Edited October 27, 2012 by Arabella

[Ninjainpajamas]

Actually, just to be clear... this wasn't a case of us starting as FWB and me hoping for more.

 

I was the who initiated our sexual relationship, and I told him flat out that was all I wanted because I was NOT ready for another relationship so soon. I never saw him as a romantic prospect at the time and told him as much.

 

What happened is that the whole thing turned into a relationship without the label... practically by accident. He spent a couple nights at my place every week, went out together all the time, weekend vacations together, heck.. even went on a cruise together... etc. I wasn't looking for it at the time, but it happened.

 

This man is not a highly experienced individual. He has only had ONE long-term girlfriend in his part, and one other attempt that went nowhere. For context, he is 25 years old and I am his second sexual partner, and his second official girlfriend. I am 29.

 

It's irrelevant in this context that you initiated sex. I'm merely saying he didn't expect the outcome of this dynamic to result in a relationship, which his actions seem to merit because hes' not really in full swing of that understanding yet...prioritizing you and the relationship, but he doesn't sound like a bad guy necessarily, just a bit foolish and unwitting about what was expected of him and what the impact would be had he not done anything "special" for your b-day.

 

I'm sure he wasn't experienced enough to realize that sex would lead to a relationship either due to his lack of experience, I'm betting that he likely believed what you said in the beginning. Women don't just have sex with a man over and over and don't develop feelings from my experience anyway even If he's a complete tool, if a woman does pull that off that guys gotta be pretty bad and have some significant qualities missing IMO.

 

You're going to need to hold his hand through this relationship, after all that's what older women do for younger guys I don't think he's going to have the relationship sense or experience enough to do things on his own, it's just going to depend on how easy that is for you, this seems like your very first obstacle. And If you're saying he's always there for you in so many other ways then he obviously made a mistake here.

 

I think my biggest confusion here is why you haven't communicated with him more about this, you started off as friends, then lovers, now in a relationship and you can't talk with him about this situation comfortably? that strikes me as odd and makes me wonder how close you really were, I think it's normal for you to feel hurt and offended but communication is always going to be the answer. Whether that is successful or not is another story, but that's what relationships are about, your ability to work through the challenges because then you find out how compatible you really are. Anyone can have the easy and good times together, those hardly take effort.

 

Last question...are you sure you really want to be with this guy romantically?

[Arabella]

It's irrelevant in this context that you initiated sex. I'm merely saying he didn't expect the outcome of this dynamic to result in a relationship, which his actions seem to merit because hes' not really in full swing of that understanding yet...prioritizing you and the relationship, but he doesn't sound like a bad guy necessarily, just a bit foolish and unwitting about what was expected of him and what the impact would be had he not done anything "special" for your b-day.

 

That's actually what I am starting to believe. One day we're lovers, the next I'm his official girlfriend. He's been picking up the pace and doing things he would never have done before (ie inviting me to his family's place for Thanksgiving), but he's not "quite there" yet.

 

I'm sure he wasn't experienced enough to realize that sex would lead to a relationship either due to his lack of experience, I'm betting that he likely believed what you said in the beginning. Women don't just have sex with a man over and over and don't develop feelings from my experience anyway even If he's a complete tool, if a woman does pull that off that guys gotta be pretty bad and have some significant qualities missing IMO.

 

Haha, I never believed I would -want- a relationship with him at the time. I chose him to have sex with because I trusted him, and I felt I would never want him romantically. Still, even now, I am not in love. Neither is he. We're both very reserved emotionally, although we care about each other.

 

The decision to make it into a real relationship was born out of the fact that the whole thing was getting too serious without being serious, and it was confusing the hell out of me. I told him, basically, if we were going to act like we're in a relationship, we had to call it that... or end it. After some deliberation, we agreed to it and here we are, two weeks later.

 

You're going to need to hold his hand through this relationship, after all that's what older women do for younger guys I don't think he's going to have the relationship sense or experience enough to do things on his own, it's just going to depend on how easy that is for you, this seems like your very first obstacle. And If you're saying he's always there for you in so many other ways then he obviously made a mistake here.

 

That doesn't necessarily bother me. I'm a very outspoken person and I have no trouble telling him what I expect. But I honestly kinda thought it was unnecessary to say something about my birthday... I thought it was a no-brainer. LOL, I guess I thought wrong?

 

I think my biggest confusion here is why you haven't communicated with him more about this, you started off as friends, then lovers, now in a relationship and you can't talk with him about this situation comfortably? that strikes me as odd and makes me wonder how close you really were, I think it's normal for you to feel hurt and offended but communication is always going to be the answer. Whether that is successful or not is another story, but that's what relationships are about, your ability to work through the challenges because then you find out how compatible you really are. Anyone can have the easy and good times together, those hardly take effort.

 

We talked about it on the drive back to my place after the party. He does seem overwhelmed with everything that's going on this weekend and he acknowledged he should've done something. I just didn't want to press the issue at that hour of the night, knowing he is stressed as is.

 

He seemed disappointed when I texted him to let him know I wouldn't be coming up tonight. Perhaps over the weekend, since we won't be seeing each other, he will have some time to think things over and come up with something. He knows how I feel about it so... I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

 

Last question...are you sure you really want to be with this guy romantically?

 

He is a good man, we have many similar interests and we get along great the vast majority of the time. I am sure I want to, at least, try it. Does that answer the question?

[xxoo]

I appreciate that he went out of his comfort zone to come to the party with me, I really do. But should it be enough?

 

If the party fell right on my birthday, and he went out of his comfort zone to accompany me, that would feel like a birthday outing to me. It would be enough.

 

But I am also accustomed to some small, overt gesture of "birthday gift"--whether it is a wrapped gift, or a picked flower, or a bar of my favorite chocolate. I'd be upset if he didn't want to do or give something from the heart, and his own idea.

[Arabella]

If the party fell right on my birthday, and he went out of his comfort zone to accompany me, that would feel like a birthday outing to me. It would be enough.

 

But I am also accustomed to some small, overt gesture of "birthday gift"--whether it is a wrapped gift, or a picked flower, or a bar of my favorite chocolate. I'd be upset if he didn't want to do or give something from the heart, and his own idea.

 

Exactly, that's the issue. The party was my idea, it fell right on my birthday and I paid for the tickets. I feel like he should've done something out of his own volition to acknowledge it. A small gift, or a card... anything.

[zebracolors]

I don't care about the gift itself... I make good money and I can (and do) buy myself things all the time. I am more concerned about the fact that his only thought to acknowledge my birthday was just before he came over to my place, and he didn't even manage to actually go through with it.

 

He is under a lot of stress this weekend, and I get that. But how much of that should be an acceptable excuse? He's known all along it was my birthday and did nothing.

 

Like others here I'm wondering about the circumstances causing all this stress. I mean some things that can happen rightfully cause stress, like issues in the family or career even. But I know what you're saying and understand why you're feeling under appreciated. It feels like its the principle that, for whatever reason, he chose not to acknowledge your birthday, except maybe half-heartedly, because something else in his life seemed to take more importance.

 

If it was just a case that he forgot due to the circumstances causing the stress, then maybe I would give him a pass. Except that these events which seem like they are only for fun hobbies, just happened to be taking place around your birthday? And as you say he knew it was your birthday?

 

I guess ask yourself how important this really is to you. Its just one birthday, but are you willing to give him another chance and see what happens next year when your birthday rolls around? You know this guy more than anyone here. Decide, based on how well you think you know what he really wants from this r-ship. But honestly, it seems like you already have some doubts about him.

[TaurusTerp]

I don't know if 4 months in I'd get a girlfriend anything, but that's just me. He drove 2 hours back so he could be with you, and everything else is good.

 

It seems pretty insecure to break up with a guy because he didn't buy you something shiny for your birthday. If it's really that important to you, just make it clear to him that's what you expect and you can deal with it from there. If it happens again, break up with him.

[xxoo]

Exactly, that's the issue. The party was my idea, it fell right on my birthday and I paid for the tickets. I feel like he should've done something out of his own volition to acknowledge it. A small gift, or a card... anything.

 

One Valentine's Day, many years ago, H and I agreed "no gifts" because money was tight.

 

But when he didn't even make me a card, I was so disappointed! I had made a card for him.

 

I just told him--I was really disappointed. I didn't mean for the "no gifts" to mean "no acknowledgement". Not his fault....it is what it is....but I'm disappointed.

 

The very next day, he came home with a card. I still remember the card: A boy holding a large vegetable, with a big grin, and the message inside said "I love you more than a boy loves his pickle!" It was so silly, and so sincere, and I honestly don't remember many valentine's day cards as vividly. It meant a lot that he listened, without getting defensive, and made the effort.

 

So....talk to him? See where it goes?

[Els]

Well, if I recall correctly, he's the one who said he was going to pick me up to go to dinner when he got back from dropping the car off at the track. I'm not even really annoyed that we didn't go to dinner, since stuff like this just happens. It's more the fact that HE didn't get me anything and the one thought that he had was to get me flowers, and he somehow still didn't manage that...

 

I appreciate that he went out of his comfort zone to come to the party with me, I really do. But should it be enough?

 

 

Well, only you can answer that question. If it isn't enough for you, it isn't enough, and you deserve happiness from a R. Personally, if there was something I really wanted to go to and my partner really hated it but graciously agreed to take me there on the day of my birthday, I would have considered it gift enough.

 

Though I agree that he should have sprung for the tickets if he had considered that his gift to you.

[Arabella]

Like others here I'm wondering about the circumstances causing all this stress. I mean some things that can happen rightfully cause stress, like issues in the family or career even.

[....]

If it was just a case that he forgot due to the circumstances causing the stress, then maybe I would give him a pass. Except that these events which seem like they are only for fun hobbies, just happened to be taking place around your birthday? And as you say he knew it was your birthday?

 

We're both mature students who work full-time as well as go to college full time. He has a lot going on in his life, and so do I. It takes a high degree of organization to do both of these things full-time without going insane. I know how busy he is from personal experience.

 

Granted, the race was scheduled before we became a couple officially, but we were already involved and I even mentioned it. He thought it would be okay and we would just go out on Friday. It would've been fine if things worked out the way he intended... but my feeling is that he prioritized both the race and the bachelor party over me.

 

He showed up late, had to leave the party early (we were in bed by 11 pm...I offered to leave since I knew he was tired) then left my place at 4:30 am so he could drive up to the track... etc. This, coupled with the lack of gift/card, makes me feel like he did not do my birthday justice.

 

I'm voting 'jerk.'

 

He had weeks before this particulary oh-so-busy weekend to get you something for your birthday. There's no law that says he had to go shopping for you THIS particular weekend. Bad enough he completely blew you off for your birthday dinner because racing and bachelor parties and his buddies are more important, but to show up hungry and expect YOU to cook for him on top of it is the epitome of douchebaggery.

 

So big deal, he spent a few hours out of his precious comfort zone to throw on a costume and make nice with people and have a few drinks at a Halloween party. It's not like he was asked to donate a freakin kidney or something. And it didn't cost him a cent - you paid for the evening. The next day, you were going to make the 2 hour drive up and spend some time watching racing at a racetrack and hang with he and his friends - watching cars race is probably not exactly YOUR idea of nirvana. So I certainly wouldn't count him going to your party as some kind of "gift." Gift my ass.

 

Jeez, he keeps acting as though this weekend was the only time he could have gotten you a gift or card for your birthday and gee golly, he was just so busy this weekend. Therefore - he's off the hook, right?

 

Bull.

 

Man, I don't even know what to say to this. Strongly worded, but it does represent my feelings accurately

 

One Valentine's Day, many years ago, H and I agreed "no gifts" because money was tight.

 

But when he didn't even make me a card, I was so disappointed! I had made a card for him.

 

I just told him--I was really disappointed. I didn't mean for the "no gifts" to mean "no acknowledgement". Not his fault....it is what it is....but I'm disappointed.

 

The very next day, he came home with a card. I still remember the card: A boy holding a large vegetable, with a big grin, and the message inside said "I love you more than a boy loves his pickle!" It was so silly, and so sincere, and I honestly don't remember many valentine's day cards as vividly. It meant a lot that he listened, without getting defensive, and made the effort.

 

So....talk to him? See where it goes?

 

That's a nice story. I'm glad it worked out for you guys

 

I talked to him and he knows how I feel... I'm going to see what happens this week when he gets back and see if he somehow tries to make it up to me.