blue_jay_bird Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 How to you distinguish between they too. For me the Bad Advice/Comments is anything that make me feel hopeful and happy that he will come back. Bad "Well your brother broke up with his wife three time's before they got married." "Well, my parents broke up 5 year's and got back together, and got married." "Maybe one day he will come back and apologize" Me. "He seemed so sure of himself" Adviser: "He may not be, but is putting up a front because he has to stick to his decision" "His emotions about you are not black or white. It's difficult to put people in boxes" Good Me: "But he said he still love's me" Adviser: " REALLY, well he's lying, because people that love you don't treat you like this." "**** him, he's on his high horse, thinking he's better then you" "You can do better" I really have the bad advice stuck in my head. Need to change my train of thought. What is some Bad Advice/Comment you have heard from perfectly intelligent adults?
january2011 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 A good comment gives you strength to do what's right in the long-term. A bad comment scuppers you.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 The last text from my ex said (amongst other things). -"I must delete your number or I'll keep trying to come back to you" -"I still want to be with you, but don't think it will work" -"You are an amazing man" I showed it to a friend and he said "she will come back someday, I'm convinced of it". This is stuck in my head for some reason and I still check my phone to see if she called/texted. I too need to get this out of my head. I adored her until the last second, and she just checked out on me. She wanted to be with a particular type of guy. She grew up as a farmer and wanted to be with a farmer (which I am not). I said I was willing to try new things with her but she was convinced we had nothing in common and needed to find her "farmer" boyfriend. Well shes got her farmer boyfriend now, she found what she was looking for.
mvc Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 like you said, bad is anything that gives you hope. and in this emotional state even the most pointless comments can give you hope so its hard. bad advice ive seen is the G.I.G.S threads saying "when they come back...." im certain my ex has gigs but dont want to think about it as i can see myself getting stuck on that thought of "when they come back" best advice was from my grandad "**** that, just go play football"
fucpcg Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Worst advice I see in here: Move on the next relationship will be better and with someone who deserves you. FALSE. Your next relationship is not always a better one. If you found somebody you love, try to make it work, because no relationship is all roses, and the next one isn't usually better, nor will that one be perfect either. Best advice I see in here: Learn what you did wrong and the mistakes you made, and learn and grow from them, that is the only way a second chance can work, assuming your mate did the same. Somebody in here posted once "always take 100% responsibility for 50% of the breakup. I totally agree. 1
Calico Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Best advice I see in here: Learn what you did wrong and the mistakes you made, and learn and grow from them, that is the only way a second chance can work, assuming your mate did the same. "Second chances" are almost always a waste of time. It's like trying to glue together a broken vase. Looks good at first glance, but won't hold water when you want to do more with it than just look at it (and not too closely). The thing with the above "best advice" is the assumption that someone did something wrong. More often than not, relationships have just ran their course, just like a rose will eventually wilt. Feelings frequently ave an expiration date, like everything else in life. Trying to cling to something that won't last, or that is over, deprives you of possibly wonderful opportunities to meet someone who you can effortlessly be with. Without all the stress that comes from futilely hanging onto the perceived "security" of what you're used to, no matter how terrible and unsatisfying it has really been half the time. It also assumes that both people WANT to continue a relationship. Often, it's more like one person gives in because they were successfully emotionally blackmailed, grew tired of the drama, or lack the spine to follow through with what they really want. So they "settle" and pretend things are fine, until the next breakup. I don't like labels such as "bad" and "good", or "worst" and "best", but I think suggestions that enable people to loosen the grip and look at situations from more than one perspective tend to be the more efficient and empowering ones. Most people cling way too much and refuse to widen their view because they are paralyzed by fear. 1
Million.to.1 Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I think the worst advice is when it's clear the advisor is just projecting their own emotions about their own situations onto the thread poster. I see it all the time. Same thing regurgitated in numerous threads. Advice that is full of bitter and twisted hate that solves nothing. Misery loves company and all that......
foreverastone Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 For me the worst advice I could get after a break up is 'There's plenty more fish in the sea' I have a real problem with that phrase because it makes it sounds like relationships are so easy when they're not. The best advice I've got so far is 'Remember, there is always people who still love you' For me this really helped because it blunted the pain of rejection and puts the break up in perspective. I also think looking back at the relationship and acknowledging the mistakes and learning from then is also good advice
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