Muzzsjm Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Going through a potential breakup after 4 and a half years so on here for some help and advice. I met my girlfriend around 5 and a half years ago. I am 28 and she's 20 so 8 years gap. We met when I was with someone else who I ended up leaving for her. She's obviously 8 years younger but we've never had any problems age wise which is completely honest. Neither of us ever feels bored or strange around each others friend or family we can be silly together and the sex life has always great something we often talk about as being a good foundation. I spent 7 years as an Air Cadet and became and instructor at my local squadron afterwards. My girlfriend was a cadet when I went back and we used to chat and have a laugh between activities. We decided when she was 16 we wanted a relationship so started seeing each other. I left the Air Cadets to be with her straight away to not risk causing problems for myself and harming the name of the squadron it wasn't complicated because I had friends there who understood etc the only problem is we had to hide our initial feelings and attraction for a long time. That's all in the past and behind me, I do not regret any of it. Because of her age I didn't think the relationship would was going that well or serious and ended up having a fling with a work friend which lasted a while. I ended up going back twice to the girlfriend as for some reason we could be apart. The work friend is now married with a child to a friend of mine and my girlfriend mostly got over it. For some reason I just could never stop loving her even with a 2 month break from her and no contact. We continued our relationship and eventually I came clean it was all out in the open. There's a few trust problems but I guess time heals. My girlfriend has always wanted to be a nurse. I drove her around the country to pick a university and I have always encouraged her to follow her dreams and plans, I've never held her back and supported whatever she wanted to do. We both promised to stay together during her uni and she said she had no problems being in a relationship I was enough for he. Her lust for life, experiences and wanting to live is one thing I love about her. She's even going to Sweden next year for 2 months nursing which I am so happy for her to do what a great experience. She's kissed 2 guys at uni on drunken nights which she told me about and regrets, for all my experiences I forgive her and its never been an issue. I know she's away from home with other nurses and entitled to have fun why should I stop her! I started running my own business a while back and that with her living 90 miles away has caused a lot of rows and problems. We only really get evenings together and the odd full day. When she's home and we're together things are perfect when she's at uni things become a little strained as she requires alot of attention. She moved all her home stuff to my flat and lives with me most weekends and during her breaks which has been going on for a year. She's in her last year of 3 now and finishes next May. We've spent alot of time talking about getting married, maybe kids and future together alot coming from her side. She's always said she thinks she'll marry me and be together for a long time. We've talked about kids names, where to live and she loves the fact her Grandma is convinced we're meant to be. My business hasn't done well and I don't earn a good wage at the moment I've sacrificed alot to have this business. I'm building a reputation and still in my infancy stage so things will be hard for a while. Money has often been a major problem as I've been unable to do things and I miss out time with her sometimes my own fault as I could have gone home but I've stayed later. I work 6 days a week long hours often late at night. My girlfriend is able to be at my job but often gets bored or fed up which I understand. I've been able to trust and afford to pay someone lately to cover for me and slowly but surely we've got some of our time back together. Lack of money has always been a worry to her as she wants to buy houses and have a family after uni but frightened I couldn't do that with my low income. I have to give my business time. I used to earn good money 30K - 35K a year before this business and I could go back to doing that again if I give up my business. I've made it clear I would give all this up if I had to for our future. She said she couldn't let me do that and resent her but if I'm honest all of this has made me see im unhappy I want my old life, money, friends and the relationship we had back. My girlfriend rang me at 2am the other night to say she didn't think she could be with my anymore she's been a coward, is sorry but felt like this for a few months as she's very unhappy. We both had a horrible night as expected. She text me the very next morning to say she was in pieces and needed me there now to help her work things out. I couldn't go because of work but I've agreed to go up Sunday to see her. We've been swapping texts etc but the signals are so mixed. She's said several times she loves me and then says she feels she does but isn't sure she feels every emotion. She kept saying she needs to be alone for a while its not me but she needs to experience things and get stuff out of her system before she can be with me. She sees me in her future but not at the moment and wants time alone. I've asked her if theres anyone else she says there isn't she's just unhappy and doesn't want to regret in 5 or 10 years she missed out on things. I blame myself for putting to much into my business and the past for some of this. We never had issues before her move away but we survived 2 years already. I know she's younger but I'm just so confused as to her feelings from wanting to be with me long term and going to not being able to be with me. We've had lots of strains of being apart and not being able to go on holiday etc. I just don't know what to do! I will give the world to fix this if she's fallen out of love with me my world is over.
mammasita Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Sorry for judging, but I can't get past the fact that you pursued a 14 1/2 year old girl?
Author Muzzsjm Posted October 27, 2012 Author Posted October 27, 2012 I've been in a 4 year relationship with her, met her family and her friends. I've lived with her and been as serious as can be, I'm quite insulted but understand you point of view. I started no physical or illegal relationship with her until a legal age. I'm heart broken I want advice not judgement.
sissy106 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 Muzzsjm as far as I see it, this was suppose to happen. And all this is happening just coz ur gf is too younger to take all these things. She got into a serious relationship too early and as the time passess by and as she is growing up mentally and seeing the world around, she is realising that she has missed lots of things.... like maybe dating more people, enjoying non serious relationships, freedom etc... Its not like 8 year gap is a big deal, its just that she started a serious relation too early in her life and now she is regretting that. Had she been even 25 and you 33 then also, it would not have happened. But for now, she is missing some things in her life and she will not stay happy if she misses all these by marrying u at this stage. So, sorry buddy its a tough situation. And if u are strong enough to let her go for some time and let her do watevr she wants and still want a relationship then u have to bear a lot and have to make it clear to her. As I see it, she has started suffocating in this relation right now and needs freedom.
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