OnAMission Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 (edited) I'm on a mission. It is one that many of you will disagree with. For that reason, I am hiding my proper identity until the mission has concluded. I'm doing this for me, but I'm letting you guys track the progress here. Any letdowns, joys, pains, frustrations, or other thoughts and emotions will be shared the moment they become available. My ex and I have been split for a couple months (her decision). Let's just say circumstances led to both of us failing the relationship in our own way. We were together for many years. ------------------------------------------ The Goal ------------------------------------------ My goal is simple. Fix what went wrong that I was responsible for, and make it easier for us to reconcile. Not by begging, nor pleading, but by reminding her of the guy she fell in love with (by actually being that guy - you can't fake these things). ------------------------------------------ Backlog ------------------------------------------ 1st month: Tried friendship as a consolation prize. Failed (Obviously) 2nd month: No contact, then begging. Back and forth. Eventually she said she had enough and to leave her alone. Frustrating because we were close to reconciliation but I let myself get emotional and pushed her away. At this point, she is convinced that going back to me would mean going back to the negative events that took place. Gotta fix that. 3rd month: Went no contact successfully for 2 weeks. Mission starts here. ------------------------------------------ Progress ------------------------------------------ 26OCT2012 3 PM: Sent an email last night just bringing up something that reminded me of her from a better time, and said "I hope you are doing okay :D". 5 PM: Received a smiley face as a response 5:08 PM: Made an inside joke from years ago about smiley faces Edited October 26, 2012 by OnAMission
Author OnAMission Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 (edited) I wish you well on your endeavor. Question for you... Do you show her this "stuff" on a daily, weekly or sporadic bases? I get what it is you are trying to do... Just wondering how you go about doing it and the frequency in which you plan on doing it. Everything I do will be gauged on her response time. If she responds quickly, so will I. If it takes her awhile, I'll wait. If she responds negatively to anything, I'll give her space. Because this time I received a response, but it was only a smiley face, I'm going to give her a bit to digest that I came across as up beat and positive before sending another email. Edited October 26, 2012 by OnAMission
Author OnAMission Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 Thanks for sharing how you planned on doing it. It will help the spectators follow along, understand why you are doing whatever it is you are doing and when. Best of luck to you and don't leave us hanging! Don't worry, I'll keep this updated as often as possible. Also, I'd like to note that this is not a game. This is me attempting to break down her guard and show her that I can fulfill her needs - because I failed at that once before.
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 I wish you luck and hope you find happiness ill be reading...i like feel good posts..... I do believe in second chances......i do believe in forgiveness i hope that you catch both of them..... going back to a relationship that had negativity though..hard ask...are we talking physical or verbal abuse.....what was negative? I wish you well anyway..keep posting...deb
Author OnAMission Posted October 26, 2012 Author Posted October 26, 2012 (edited) I wish you luck and hope you find happiness ill be reading...i like feel good posts..... I do believe in second chances......i do believe in forgiveness i hope that you catch both of them..... going back to a relationship that had negativity though..hard ask...are we talking physical or verbal abuse.....what was negative? I wish you well anyway..keep posting...deb No abuse. We both had stressful things going on in our lives (mine was health related, hers was career related) that we handled poorly. It resulted in neither of us being able to provide any happiness or comfort to the relationship (and you know what happens to a plant when it's no longer watered, right?). Edited October 26, 2012 by OnAMission
LostOne1 Posted October 26, 2012 Posted October 26, 2012 Give you a few tips. I did exactly what you did.. started to show her I changed and was the old guy she fell in love with.. it kinda worked and it didn't.... All I know is i tried so hard and got rejected or pushed away. I mean I noticed her being more and more comfortable at talking more often with me. But the response was always the same.... that she didn't want me anymore. So I gave up that last day and told her I wanted to forget her and I was gonna get rid and sell everything I had of her all memories just thrown away like the last 3 yrs didn't exist. Next thing I know she is running after me now 1 day after I told her all of the above... So if you want to try what I did maybe it will work. Show her you changed, but at some point that you want to move on or have moved on. It's all about people wanting what they can't have... and when they feel like they are about to lose it.. they fight for it.
Author OnAMission Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) 26OCT2012 Sent an email to her saying that mutual friends have discussed doing an activity that she enjoys. I let her know that if she wants to hang out not to feel weird or awkward since they are mutual friends and it wouldn't bother me. Received a response email 4 hours later saying "It's ok, I might just do that. Thanks :)" From here, I know she's getting back into this activity. I'm going to give her some time to enjoy it and after a week or so I'll attempt to strike up a conversation about it. I'm currently feeling a bit hopeful considering we went from no talking terms to civil back and forth (this is where things also get more dangerous). My friends that she still talks to are keeping me posted and rooting for me. Edited October 29, 2012 by OnAMission
mishy Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 seriously how would you feel if she came running back into your arms tomorrow? would you still want her? or is it the challenge of the chase you like?
Author OnAMission Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 (edited) seriously how would you feel if she came running back into your arms tomorrow? would you still want her? or is it the challenge of the chase you like? Neither. We are both more than capable of correcting our mistakes and if it came to that point it would require a long talk about what went wrong and how we can both work together to overcome it next time. I have no assumptions. If this mission ends in failure, then I can accept that and continue on with my life. As it stands, this mission is not stopping me from going out with friends, having a good time, and improving myself. Edited October 29, 2012 by OnAMission
oracle Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 LOL I feel for you bro... Was there and did that for the first 1.5 years after my break up. Read my thread pinned to the top of the section, though you probably won't accept it now. You will come to know the truth, and the truth will make you dispair I'm on a mission. It is one that many of you will disagree with. For that reason, I am hiding my proper identity until the mission has concluded. I'm doing this for me, but I'm letting you guys track the progress here. Any letdowns, joys, pains, frustrations, or other thoughts and emotions will be shared the moment they become available. My ex and I have been split for a couple months (her decision). Let's just say circumstances led to both of us failing the relationship in our own way. We were together for many years. ------------------------------------------ The Goal ------------------------------------------ My goal is simple. Fix what went wrong that I was responsible for, and make it easier for us to reconcile. Not by begging, nor pleading, but by reminding her of the guy she fell in love with (by actually being that guy - you can't fake these things). ------------------------------------------ Backlog ------------------------------------------ 1st month: Tried friendship as a consolation prize. Failed (Obviously) 2nd month: No contact, then begging. Back and forth. Eventually she said she had enough and to leave her alone. Frustrating because we were close to reconciliation but I let myself get emotional and pushed her away. At this point, she is convinced that going back to me would mean going back to the negative events that took place. Gotta fix that. 3rd month: Went no contact successfully for 2 weeks. Mission starts here. ------------------------------------------ Progress ------------------------------------------ 26OCT2012 3 PM: Sent an email last night just bringing up something that reminded me of her from a better time, and said "I hope you are doing okay :D". 5 PM: Received a smiley face as a response 5:08 PM: Made an inside joke from years ago about smiley faces
Author OnAMission Posted October 29, 2012 Author Posted October 29, 2012 Of the exes that have dumped me, all of them have come back. I once used this method to get someone back for another 5 years (and engaged too!) before I myself decided to walk away (I wasn't ready for commitment at that point). If I fail this mission, then this thread will stand as testimony to all the kids at home watching along. I'm not doing this out of despair - I've been there. For the first month I was there again with this ex. My tears have been shed and this is not a point of weakness. Update: 29OCT2012 Received a very positive response. She's started talking about things going on in her life and bringing up some funny events of "the good times" we shared. Will keep you posted.
oracle Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Thats not a record to brag about. All it shows is that you love to repeat history OVER AND OVER. Listen, what starts in blood ends in blood. Its your life though. People have break-throughs and affect positive change in their lives and the people they get involved with when they break the cycles of behaviour that doom them to failure. Of the exes that have dumped me, all of them have come back. I once used this method to get someone back for another 5 years (and engaged too!) before I myself decided to walk away (I wasn't ready for commitment at that point). If I fail this mission, then this thread will stand as testimony to all the kids at home watching along. I'm not doing this out of despair - I've been there. For the first month I was there again with this ex. My tears have been shed and this is not a point of weakness. Update: 29OCT2012 Received a very positive response. She's started talking about things going on in her life and bringing up some funny events of "the good times" we shared. Will keep you posted.
dreamstate83 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I'm kind of with the above posters to an extent. I mean it's cool that you have a game plan - but it sounds like you want to be in control of this. Maybe you feel like you lost control and are fighting to get it back? To force your own destiny? IMO All you can do is say your peace and move on. Whatever happens, happens.
m4vis Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 dude, I'm on the edge of my seat here. Don't **** with my emotions, you better follow through with these updates! I'm rooting for you man
Author OnAMission Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 dreamstate i read your story and i cant help but wonder if we arent dating the same ex. although mine's not from australia! update: even after all of the good signs, i found out she just started seeing someone after 2 months of us being apart. going nc at the moment and hoping its a rebound.
dreamstate83 Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 dreamstate i read your story and i cant help but wonder if we arent dating the same ex. although mine's not from australia! update: even after all of the good signs, i found out she just started seeing someone after 2 months of us being apart. going nc at the moment and hoping its a rebound. Well for me it's been about 3 months. At this point I'm still convinced she loves me and is rebounding but honestly there isn't anything you can do about it but accept that they chose someone else.
flitzanu Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Everything I do will be gauged on her response time. If she responds quickly, so will I. If it takes her awhile, I'll wait. If she responds negatively to anything, I'll give her space. Because this time I received a response, but it was only a smiley face, I'm going to give her a bit to digest that I came across as up beat and positive before sending another email. i've heard chicks REALLY love playing games.
oracle Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 Ya im sure she still loves you in some or many ways. Just cause a relationship ended doesn't mean they don't love you. But just cause there is love doesn't mean you should be in a relationship together. Bottom line.. You were dumped once.. you go back and the chances are twice as high that it will end in flames again. Why bother? What you feel now is a magnification, because you were rejected and can't have what you want. Even worse someone else wants and is with her. Attachment is like a drug addiction. The only real game is the one that is going on inside your head. PERIOD. Well for me it's been about 3 months. At this point I'm still convinced she loves me and is rebounding but honestly there isn't anything you can do about it but accept that they chose someone else. 1
Sameold Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 You and your ex arn't talking, she is just answering and if truth be told she is probably doing it because she doesn't want to seem nasty. You can only fix this one way, tell her how you feel and then just leave it and see if she comes back to you. Anything else you do is futile and will damage her opinion of her. When you tell her you want to hang out as friends or whatever she doesn't believe you. I know you're afraid to just go NC but fact is you did it for a month and got nothing back. I wish you well but I seriously think all you are doing is damaging your credibility as a man and de-valuing yourself. Don't give her all the power here.
m4vis Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 dreamstate i read your story and i cant help but wonder if we arent dating the same ex. although mine's not from australia! update: even after all of the good signs, i found out she just started seeing someone after 2 months of us being apart. going nc at the moment and hoping its a rebound. damn man, thats ****ty. I literally am having this same thing happening to me right now, the difference being there is no chance of us getting back together and I have no intention of trying to change that. that's why I was rootin for you! but if she is dating someone else, it's really time to shut her out and focus on you. that's all bad
TopCat22 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I wish you well, I really do, but how you will ever be able to trust her again and build a relationship on that is beyond me. She has made her choice and you clinging to the hope that she will be back isn't going to help. Do you really want her back after she's been with another guy? Even if he's a rebound? 1
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